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Original poster

Would you be happy with my life?

194 replies

ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 21:32

I'm nearly 40. Female.

Had a few relationships but single. Never married.

Never had children, never really thought it was the right thing for me.

I used to work a lot of hours in a job I hated but recently took a step back/sideways. I enjoy my job now and it's just 9-5. WFH.

I have had issues with my weight/alcohol but they're under control now.

I have a cat. Am close with my parents/extended family. A few friends.

I'm relatively comfortable financially and no health worries. I live in a small city so plenty on my doorstep.

I go to church and do some voluntary work. I mostly watch Netflix otherwise!

Would you be happy with this? Or think there was something glaring missing? Interested to see responses before I tell you how I'm feeling. I know all that matters is whether I'm happy or not...not what others thing, but I'm interested...

Thanks!

OP posts:
legophoenix · 16/07/2022 22:22

For me personally I would not be happy with that lifestyle but there's nothing wrong with it.

Do you ever travel? For me that would make things more interesting.

OooErr · 16/07/2022 22:25

Were your previous relationships happy?
I was single for a bit, had a few shit relationships and at that point I'd have been very happy single. Not very 'into' sex, always with my nose in a book anyway.
Then I met DP. We mesh so well together, if anything happens to him I'd really miss having a relationship. I love sniffing, poking and annoying him whenever I want.

FunnysInLaJardin · 16/07/2022 22:25

My life would I think have been rather one dimensional without my DH, my DC and my profession.

I am sure I would be happy if I were you, but equally I am very happy with what I have.

In particular, I can't imagine my life without my children

OooErr · 16/07/2022 22:27

Having said that I'd probably be relatively happy with that life, even if not ideal.
My main fear isn't loneliness but not having any money/ill health.
We're constantly being bombarded with stories of these things happening, so even if I started to feel 'hmm something's missing' I'd only have to read one of those.

Life is volatile anyway. A 'D'partner can leave at any time. Friends, family, come and go. Nothing is really permanent.

Wouldloveanother · 16/07/2022 22:28

No I wouldn’t but only because I want a big family (got one child at the moment), but then again I’m guessing you would feel the same about my life! It’s completely individual, what matters is that you are happy. Do you feel like there’s something missing?

Original poster
ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 22:29

Thanks again for all your responses.

I have done a bit of travelling but can't say I have the bug for it. Except still a couple of places on my bucket list.

No, my previous relationships have not been happy ones. Not abusive or anything but unsatisfying. I don't find many people attractive. And I'm a solid 6/10 in looks myself with limited social skills so lightening only strikes once in a blue moon!

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 16/07/2022 22:30

Doesn't matter if we'd be happy or not, we're not you. Are YOU happy with your life?

EnidSpyton · 16/07/2022 22:32

One of the wisest things I've ever read was in Gloria Steinem's autobiography.

I can't remember it word for word so I'm paraphrasing but basically she said one of the worst things patriarchy does to women is making them believe that their life has no value until they meet a man. Effectively living in a waiting room until your magical 'person' arrives means that you're spending the best years of your life not truly living.

I will also say that being part of a church does not help with this. I speak from bitter experience as a very much ex Christian - there is no community of people who will make you feel more like shit for being single than a church. The unhealthy emphasis on marriage and children as the only meaningful way to live your life belies the reality that for many people marriage is not a fairytale and actually detrimental to their life. There's a reason why 50% of people divorce.

As someone a little bit younger than you who is also single with no kids - relish and live your life, appreciating everything you have and refusing to wait around for a bloke to 'complete' you. You're already complete.

I love my life. I'm financially secure, have my own flat in central London that I love, I have loads of friends of all different ages, a great family, loads of hobbies and interests and enough time and money to do pretty much whatever I want, when I want. I'm not working at the moment but I've just finished a qualification to help me transition to a new career, which I'm really excited about. I'm currently on holiday by myself and loving it. Would I occasionally like a partner to do things with? Of course! Would I like a bit more regular sex? Sure. But I also know that if I had a partner, my lifestyle would have to change and I'd lose a lot of my freedom. So it's swings and roundabouts.

Don't devalue your life based on the fact you don't have a man in it. Patriarchy only tells us that we need men to complete us, because it suits men to have a woman looking after them. There is a reason why married women are unhappier than single ones!

JustlookingNotbuying · 16/07/2022 22:34

Your life seems very blissful to me and if I lived your life I probably wouldn’t have the stress and subsequent health issues that I currently suffer from. BUT, I do absolutely love having a dh and dc.
You are still young op, I am sure there is someone out there for you to make many happy memories with.

Anystarinthesky · 16/07/2022 22:35

Your life sounds fine to me.

Have you tried a Christian Dating site? Maybe you could find a like-minded partner on there.

lydiangel83 · 16/07/2022 22:35

I’m curious as to why you are asking…

Somethingneedstochange · 16/07/2022 22:35

There's nothing wrong with being single. You've just not met the right person yet.
Get a vibrator. 😉

MyDogsTheBestDog · 16/07/2022 22:36

Sounds lovely, the sort of life I expected to have (but I don't, not that it's better or worse but I am unexpectedly in a relationship and bought a house etc.)

takeitandleaveit · 16/07/2022 22:38

And that it's in God's hands.

Yes. But the thing is - are you going to sit and wait for the life you want to come to you and passively accept whatever comes your way, or are you going to do something positive and get out there and start looking for it?

There is an old saying that all good things come to those who wait... but there is another.

Seek and ye shall find.

goldfinchonthelawn · 16/07/2022 22:38

I wouldn't be happy with that long term, because I'd want more of pretty much everything life has to offer: more stimulation, adventure, excitement, friendship etc. I like to set goals and achieve them. And having DC is the single greatest pleasure my life has ever had, as I always wanted kids and was very late having them. But there have been phases when my life has been as you describe and I've been very conbtent, especially all that getting back on an even keel stuff: sorting out weight, work/life balance etc. that stuff is so rewarding.

But if I knew someone who had that life and was satisfied with it I'd never think they were dull or missing out. I'd think they were incredibly wise to be living as they want to live. The quiet life is not massively fashionable right now but it's just right for lots of people.

GreyGoose1980 · 16/07/2022 22:38

I wasn’t completely happy single - I totally respect and value it as a life choice and many of my single friends are really happy - it just didn’t suit me as much as being a couple does. Also I knew I wanted children so these aspects of your life would not make me happy. However it 100 % depends on the individual. You mention you knew having children wasn’t for you therefore the only part of your life I can see may possibly not fulfil you is the fact you are single. The rest of it sounds really good.

Original poster
ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 22:40

Haha, I have a number of items in my bedside drawer! And do Christian dating. Not everyone on there is genuine tho.

@EnidSpyton Interesting what you say. As you may know, in the Bible, Paul actually says the best way to live is by being single. But yes churches these days do cater a lot to families and children. My heart breaks a little bit every time (eg today) that I hear church bells ringing for someone's wedding/marriage. Although I do try to be happy for others and know I must have things they do not.

I feel bad that I can't appreciate all the blessings I have and am fixated on the thing that I do not have.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 22:41

@EnidSpyton I'd be interested to hear why you refer to yourself as an "ex-Christian" if you wanted to share. Feel free to post on the thread if you want to, doesn't matter if it's a slight derail!

OP posts:
Youcansaythatagainandagain · 16/07/2022 22:41

I had a life similar to yours (but wasn't involved with a church) and I thought something was missing. I lived as you say you are doing, waiting impatiently for a man to come along. One did and we ended up having a couple of kids. Guess what? I YEARN for my previous life. I'm constantly tired, I wish I had stopped after child number one and I don't have a particularly good relationship with DH. I feel stuck and feel like every day is the same and I'm merely 'existing'.
Now I think I should have had one child and stayed single and maybe that would have been a better life.
I think I am unable to be truly happy and whatever path I took would leave me feeling I had made the wrong choice.

Original poster
ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 22:42

@takeitandleaveit thanks! I have been seeking though, believe me! To the point of becoming disillusioned I think!

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 16/07/2022 22:43

I think your life sounds lovely, OP.

There are so so so many women on here in miserable long term relationships and marriages. All I ever wanted growing up was a husband and children, and to a degree, it's fulfilled me but I also never took into account the constant compromising, appeasing and somehow sacrificing part of your true self.

As I've aged, I realised that happy ever after IS a fairytale, and that so few get that lucky break in real life. The grass isn't always greener.

LibraLibra · 16/07/2022 22:43

Bit of an out there suggestion I know, but since you mentioned not finding many people attractive have you considered that you could be mildly on the A-sexual spectrum?

I saw an interesting video about it a while back, there lot's of different types and degrees of it that could give you some insight if you do happen to relate to any of it.

Anystarinthesky · 16/07/2022 22:44

I've seen on Google there are meet ups and holidays for single Christians, maybe that would be better than a dating site.

DangerouslyBored · 16/07/2022 22:44

I had a similar life before I met my DH. I was content, but… I wanted to meet someone and put myself out there to do so, went on lots of dates until I met ‘him’. Took me 5 years to meet the right ‘one’. I now feel complete as there was definitely something missing in my life and I knew and know that it was a life partner. It was just something that I knew I wanted out of life. I was ambivalent about having children, but definitely without a doubt wanted to be in a solid, loving, happy relationship. I’m currently pregnant and v happy about it, but it was having a wonderful man in my life that I knew would take me from ‘content’ to ‘happy’, and I was right 😊

Lollypip · 16/07/2022 22:44

I'm in my 3

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