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Original poster

Would you be happy with my life?

194 replies

ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 21:32

I'm nearly 40. Female.

Had a few relationships but single. Never married.

Never had children, never really thought it was the right thing for me.

I used to work a lot of hours in a job I hated but recently took a step back/sideways. I enjoy my job now and it's just 9-5. WFH.

I have had issues with my weight/alcohol but they're under control now.

I have a cat. Am close with my parents/extended family. A few friends.

I'm relatively comfortable financially and no health worries. I live in a small city so plenty on my doorstep.

I go to church and do some voluntary work. I mostly watch Netflix otherwise!

Would you be happy with this? Or think there was something glaring missing? Interested to see responses before I tell you how I'm feeling. I know all that matters is whether I'm happy or not...not what others thing, but I'm interested...

Thanks!

OP posts:
Mellowyellow222 · 16/07/2022 21:54

I live a similar life. High pressure job though - long hours. Sometime I hate the job - sometimes I love it.

I like being independent - I love my home. I sometimes wish I had a partner to travel with - go to dinner etc.

but in the whole I am happy. It could have been different and I do sometimes wonder about the path not taken - the husband and kids. But it wasn’t for me clearly.

Mistymountain · 16/07/2022 21:54

No, personally, I wouldn't be happy at all - I'd be bored to death, lack of challenge, little physical exertion. But obviously you have a different personality and your life works for you, so that's fine.

spotcheck · 16/07/2022 21:55

Are YOU happy?
Some people always pine for what they don’t have, which is a recipe for unhappiness.

LairyMcClairy · 16/07/2022 21:56

All sounds grand. No one can really say though as it doesn’t matter if anyone else would like it- you’ll only get one life so it’s for you to enjoy, no one else.

GrandSlamFinalee · 16/07/2022 21:56

I could be happy with your life, minus the constant WFH element as I travel a lot in my job and I wouldn’t like the monotony of WFH and not leaving the country regularly. I really struggled during the pandemic.

I personally want kids and a husband but I also know I could get to 40, not have them, and still have a happy, fulfilled life. It wouldn’t be the life I wanted, but it would be a life I’m happy with.

twoastars · 16/07/2022 21:59

It sounds like you have a nice life from the outside with the freedom and flexibility to design your own life without considering the impact on a life partner or kids. I think the thing that seems to be key in fulfilment a lot of the time from listening to others and reading on the topic is feeling like you have a purpose and are part of a community. Whether it's church, volunteering, parenting, sports team, job that makes a difference etc

maddiemookins16mum · 16/07/2022 22:00

No, because I was you and for me it was a miserable, lonely experience.

thesandwich · 16/07/2022 22:01

@justforthisnow he is brilliant- look for his seven habits of highly successful people, and also his famous rocks in a jar video on YouTube. Look for the one with him in it.

NancyDrooo · 16/07/2022 22:01

I have mixed feelings on this. One one hand, living in chaotic world with kids/husband/busy job, it sounds like bliss. But I’ve always thought that if I didn’t have those things “shackling” me to my nice house/life there’s no way I’d stay in the country full time. Too much world to see out there.

So, add travel to your agenda, and yes I’d be satisfied with what you’ve got.

Gardenoverflow · 16/07/2022 22:02

I was single/child free for most of my 20s and 30s, could do whatever I wanted, but always felt something was missing. Then I got married & had a child. There is probably still something missing, but I no longer have the headspace to dwell on it!

justforthisnow · 16/07/2022 22:03

thesandwich · 16/07/2022 22:01

@justforthisnow he is brilliant- look for his seven habits of highly successful people, and also his famous rocks in a jar video on YouTube. Look for the one with him in it.

I will, not a fan of those lads usually but he has piqued my interest. Thank you!

Original poster
ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 22:04

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
Yes, I did anticipate the 2 types of responses I got! :

  1. that sounds like peaceful bliss
  2. that sounds boring and lonely.

OK, so here's my take. I am totally satisfied except for one thing. And it's a big thing. I feel like I just cannot be truly happy if I don't find my lifetime partner. I swing between thinking I just need to have faith and I will stumble across that person either in real life or online. And thinking that I need to accept now that it will never happen.

Yet most people say, well of course you can have a fulfilled life without a partner!! Eg have hobbies/do voluntary work/meet with friends! Well I DO do that and yet I feel every day as if I'm just marking time until My Person arrives.

A pp said I have the health and wealth to fix anything I'm not happy with...except actually this is the one thing I cannot control!

OP posts:
Wiggledypiggledy · 16/07/2022 22:05

It sounds like a good life, and I hope you are happy. For me personally I’m a massive extrovert and love to be around people as much as possible, so I would hate to wfh. I would want housemates, maybe a pet or 2.

I was really young when I met my husband so haven’t really experienced being single as an adult, with good friends and family I can imagine it could be really nice. Have always wanted kids though and I would have needed to grieve if I hadn’t had them (although now I’ve got them I do sometimes dream of the freedom of being childfree!). I’m curious as to why you ask!

WTF475878237NC · 16/07/2022 22:05

Your life sounds lovely to me, although I like a few hobbies on the go. I wouldn't swap my life, but am currently struggling with something and I know if I listed everything I have - family, health, job, nice house, financially comfortable from m the outside it would seem like how could I not be really happy right now?! So I can see that although your life sounds rather good, it's how you feel inside that matters, whilst you're living it.

Cyberworrier · 16/07/2022 22:07

It sounds nice to me, although the working from home and being single does make me wonder if you feel lonely day to day? Just as I know when I have been working from home and living alone I have spelt quite isolated.

Your life sounds well rounded and meaningful, with strong family ties, a community (church) and doing work for others. Like I think someone else said, I wonder if there's room/a space where a hobby/passion could be?

I think if you are feeling a bit existential and wondering about stuff, it could be worth having a bit of therapy just to explore your feelings and see if there's something going on you would like to work on/change.

Sprig1 · 16/07/2022 22:07

It sounds like nice, peaceful life. It would work for me.

WTF475878237NC · 16/07/2022 22:08

Sorry cross posted!

Forget the idea of My Person for a lifetime! I'm sure I have read for many people in this day and age you're statistically more likely to have a few meaningful long term relationships including divorce or being widowed along the way. My person for this phase of life is much more realistic.

Although what does your faith tell you about all this?

Okeydoky · 16/07/2022 22:09

I would be bored because I need a constant challenge, to be busy and to travel as much as possible. I would also be lonely as I've never lived alone and I don't like the idea.

But I'm not you, and I can see that some people would love your life. I hope you're one of them.

Bumpsadaisie · 16/07/2022 22:10

Hmm.

I accept we are all different and you might be very happy as you are.

But to me life without a partner, sex and children would seem very very limited and empty.

Sorry but I guess you did ask.

Original poster
ChinBristles · 16/07/2022 22:12

@Bumpsadaisie No, not at all. Thank you for your answer. I do feel empty without a partner and sex.

My faith teaches that having a partner is not the be-all-and-end-all. And that it's in God's hands.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 16/07/2022 22:14

For me I wanted children so that would be a huge gaping hole for me. So companionship, friendship, sex, time outdoors in the country or the coast, holidays, hobbies.

Although, having said all of that, which is my life (plus a demanding job, a car, a cat, extended family, a house and garden) I regularly feel that I have too much on my plate and need a break. I suspect there's a middle ground somewhere that would be just right.

HauntingScream · 16/07/2022 22:14

If you want my honest answer then no, I'd be quite unhappy with that life because I'm interested in pets, I get my energy from going out travelling and spending time with people a lot. I don't watch much tv and I'm not religious.
You'd probably be unhappy with my life!

HauntingScream · 16/07/2022 22:16

Sorry that should say I'm not interested in pets

KittyMcMitty · 16/07/2022 22:17

I think it’s normal to think “what now?” at around 40. Especially if you’ve ticked off boxes like career, property, financial comfort etc.

i think you’ve been duped OP, into thinking there’s other boxes you haven’t yet ticked off, with Finding My Person being one of them, when it’s more a general sense of “well what am I working towards now then?” that seems to hit many many people at this age irrespective of whether they are single or not.

But I might not be the best person to listen to as I told DH earlier that my life goal is to become a hermit cat lady.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 16/07/2022 22:18

I swing between thinking I just need to have faith and I will stumble across that person either in real life or online. And thinking that I need to accept now that it will never happen.

I think if you can somehow maintain both attitudes simultaneously, that is the best way. Kind of “I will almost certainly meet the right person at some point but until then I’m optimising my single footloose life.”