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Original poster

Wwyd about friend who is always late?

184 replies

ColourfulOnesie · 03/07/2022 16:18

I have a friend who is absolutely amazing in every way, I love her for so many different things except…
She is always late
And I mean always
I’m not talking 5 or 10 minutes either, I’m talking, if you arrange to meet at 6 she’ll text you at 7:15 to say she’s just drying her hair

I’ve known her for years and have always just laughed it off and made funny little comments about living in her own time zone etc

However for some reason now it is really starting to irritate me
I will literally be sat dressed and ready for an hour waiting for her to say she’s ready and recently by the time it rolls around I’m usually over it and have to really muster up some enthusiasm to even meet up with her
When we’re together we always have a fabulous time though

Wwyd about this? Accept it as a quirk or … what?

OP posts:
camdenl · 03/07/2022 16:20

No I would distance myself tbh

i don’t have friends who are late, but I did have friend who would constantly cancel last minute. I just refused to see her unless SHE booked a table (and therefore she would be charged for a no show). It stopped her from randomly suggesting plans she had no interest in as she would have to commit.

Holymole · 03/07/2022 16:22

That would annoy the hell out of me. She's basically saying her time is more important than yours.

If she really won't buck her ideas up, I'd just always arrange to meet a couple of hours earlier than you really want to.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 03/07/2022 16:23

Does she rock up for work, doctor’s appointments etc. an hour late? I doubt it. I’d stop bothering tbh she’s just rude

bishbashboshhhhh · 03/07/2022 16:23

It’s irking you because as you get older you realise as an adult (unless some massive drip feeds coming) she is actively choosing to mess you about and keep you waiting and it gets tiresome…

Aquamarine1029 · 03/07/2022 16:24

I could never accept this. It's shockingly rude and displays a total lack of regard and respect for other people. Sorry, but she's no friend.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 03/07/2022 16:25

WWID? Talk to her. Tell her how irritating it is. Ask her how to solve it.

Homewardbound2022 · 03/07/2022 16:26

I bet she's on time when she really needs to be.

Saw an interesting experiment on TV years ago. The psychologist said to the person always left waiting, to turn up at agreed venue, then conceal herself. She watched the offender eventually show up but let her wait 15 or 20mins. The utter confusion on her face was priceless!! Doing this a couple of times might wake her up.

Belovedfool · 03/07/2022 16:29

I had a friend like this, and I told her that I wouls just stop waiting for her. I didn't book anything outside the house. We'd arrange to meet at the location. If she didn't show within 15 minutes I either did it by myself (cinema, etc) or headed off somewhere else. If she was coming to mine for dinner and she wasn't there around the time specified, I ate with whoever else was there and she either got cold food when she arrived or, on one occasion, no food (she was 3 hours late that time). Eventually I just stopped inviting her.

My time is important, too.

BusySittingDown · 03/07/2022 16:31

5, 10, 15 minutes I could forgive although it would irritate the fuck out of me and I'd probably avoid meeting up unless in a group where everyone else is on time

An HOUR late consistently would feel to me like they were saying a big fuck you to me and my time. I would end up cutting them out. Or, because I'm petty, I'd tell them to meet me at 6 and turn up at 7.

People behave like this because other people enable them and they get away with it. Really irritates me!

Misstes · 03/07/2022 16:31

Every time she is late reply with oh I didn’t think you was coming so I went out. I’m sure she will soon get fed up for getting ready and then not going anywhere!

Aksbdt · 03/07/2022 16:34

let her arrive at yours and make her wait while you get ready as you didn’t know what time she’d be there. That’s obviously a bit petty but it’s what I used to do with a friend who was like that.
now I’m a bit more mature I’d try talking to the person and if they took no notice then I’d stop agreeing to meet up and be honest about why - is their time more important than yours - no.

OompaLoompaa · 03/07/2022 16:34

I has a friend like this, I sorted it by waiting for the 7.15 hair drying text and saying sorry I’ll have to leave meeting up as I have to be back home by 9/9.30 or whatever and we don’t have enough time to meet up.
It took a couple of goes before it worked and I had to stay firm to my plan. The first time I was all dressed up and didn’t go out, the second I didn’t even bother getting ready as I knew my friend would text late.
We are all good now and both very punctual.

Stroopwaffels · 03/07/2022 16:34

Ditch her. You’ll feel so much better for it. She is saying that she does not value your time. She is happy to keep you waiting until a time which suits her. Pretty selfish and a crappy friend.

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 03/07/2022 16:36

The trouble with people like your friend is that they persist in their tardiness as they know you'll be there.
They know that you'd feel bad about leaving THEM in the lurch.

I had a friend like this... emphasis on the word 'had.'

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/07/2022 16:36

Misstes · 03/07/2022 16:31

Every time she is late reply with oh I didn’t think you was coming so I went out. I’m sure she will soon get fed up for getting ready and then not going anywhere!

I would and have done this.

lunar1 · 03/07/2022 16:36

I'd have cut her out years ago. Why does she think her time is more valuable than yours?

3amAndImStillAwake · 03/07/2022 16:40

I had a friend like this. I once texted her in the morning to confirm we were still meeting at 1pm, and she replied at 1:15 to say yes, we were. She was already late by this point!

We don't really speak that much after she got annoyed that I left somewhere after she kept me waiting an hour.

CornishTiger · 03/07/2022 16:42

You need to tackle it.

we agreed to meet at x time. You know it takes you x amount of time to get here. Why are you still at home doing your hair. Do you not want to meet? Why is it ok for me to be wasting hours waiting for you?

BertieBotts · 03/07/2022 16:44

I don't think it's a sign of selfishness, I think it's generally a sign of really poor time awareness. That's something she could work on if she wanted to, but she might not even realise it's a problem or she might just have other priorities.

If it bothers you then it's not unreasonable to stop seeing her. Personally people being late doesn't bother me because it means they are generally relaxed if I am late back! This kind of thing can be very difficult for someone with ADHD for example, but often goes hand in hand with many wonderful qualities.

And yes the people I know who do this are also late for appointments and have missed planes etc... Either that or they put in a shed load of effort for those things which will take up the entire day or even a couple of days beforehand, which just isn't practical to do for every social engagement.

BornIn78 · 03/07/2022 16:44

Next time she does it I’d reply “no worries, I’m ready now so I’ll go straight there and meet you there, see you at the bar/restaurant/wherever in a bit!”

And then I just wouldn’t go.

Let her turn up, sit there alone, and wait.

midsomermurderess · 03/07/2022 16:46

I think it depends on whether her friendship, what it gives you, balances out the irritation caused by her lateness. I think I'd mentally reset every appointment, so you agree to meet at 6pm; reset that in your head to 7 30. In my experience, people who are late don't change.

Tanfastic · 03/07/2022 16:48

That would piss me off. Is she persistently late for work? No I bet otherwise she'd be getting a bollocking wouldn't she.

Justleaveitblankthen · 03/07/2022 16:55

How many times has she missed a flight and ruined her holiday through being late?
Thought not 🙄

tigger1001 · 03/07/2022 16:56

Our friendship wouldn't have lasted this long, if that was me.

I can't stand constant tardiness. It shows a lack of awareness of others and really does say their time is more important than yours.

Everyone can be late on occasion, but to be continually late and over an hour late just takes the biscuit.

ChagSameachDoreen · 03/07/2022 17:05

You're more patient than me. This happens twice with a friend and I'm out.