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Original poster

Wwyd about friend who is always late?

184 replies

ColourfulOnesie · 03/07/2022 16:18

I have a friend who is absolutely amazing in every way, I love her for so many different things except…
She is always late
And I mean always
I’m not talking 5 or 10 minutes either, I’m talking, if you arrange to meet at 6 she’ll text you at 7:15 to say she’s just drying her hair

I’ve known her for years and have always just laughed it off and made funny little comments about living in her own time zone etc

However for some reason now it is really starting to irritate me
I will literally be sat dressed and ready for an hour waiting for her to say she’s ready and recently by the time it rolls around I’m usually over it and have to really muster up some enthusiasm to even meet up with her
When we’re together we always have a fabulous time though

Wwyd about this? Accept it as a quirk or … what?

OP posts:
Dacquoise · 06/07/2022 07:48

ZarquonsSandals · 05/07/2022 21:51

I used to have a friend who would do this to me. She'd arrange to meet at 11, for example, then turn up at half past because she had to do something else first..
And it happened time and time again.
She also would cancel longstanding plans if a better offer came up- including pulling out of a holiday under a week before we were due to go away because another friend had offered something or other that was far more exciting.
We are no longer in touch.

Another friend, waiting a diagnosis for suspected ADD in their fifties was, as a child, constantly late for school, despite living 10 minutes walk away. In adulthood she has got better at timekeeping, as she works f/t including shifts, but does struggle to keep to social arrangements.
She does tend to let me know if she is going to be late, as she knows her time management is poor.

My recent exfriend had form for rearranging timings to suit herself but wouldn't be honest about it either which made it worse.

She was invited to my house for the weekend, supposed to be arriving at 7.00pm on the Friday night. Got a text on the day saying her husband had been sent somewhere a distance away 'by mistake' so they would be late. It was the final straw in a long line of rearranged plans and lateness.

We were meeting other friends for a meal out with them. Told her we would meet them at the restaurant as the other couple couldn't have a late night because of commitments the following day. Guess what? They turned up at my house on time. What a miracle!

Just confirmed they thought the world revolved around them and we would believe any old BS they came out with. Also that everyone has very short memories about the numerous other incidents of poor timekeeping.

amusedbush · 06/07/2022 12:27

Starmoonsunlight · 05/07/2022 11:09

I have ADHD and am obsessively early for everything. The majority of lateness is down to people being rude, self centred and entitled. Being on time isn't "a quality" it's essential to being a functioning respectful adult. 10 minutes here and there wouldn't bother me at all but I cannot stand chronic lateness in a person. I had a friend like this and we're no longer friends. It's part of her overall selfish personality.

This is a really shitty post and you should have a bit more compassion, seeing as you are ND yourself. Consistent lateness is not always due to rudeness and you're not above people whose executive dysfunction makes it difficult to be on time.

For what it's worth, I also have ADHD and am obsessively early for everything. But that's because I'm also autistic, which means my time-blindness and chronic underestimation of how long tasks will take me are constantly fighting my need for perfection and routine, which is exhausting. Yes, I'm early for everything but the anxiety of worrying that I'll miss an appointment sends my brain into "standby mode", so I can't do a damn thing beforehand. Even if I have nothing in my diary until 4pm, my brain shuts down and I can't focus on anything until then.

It's shit and easily as destructive as DH's ADHD, which is the constantly late variety.

jalapenita · 06/07/2022 12:32

This was my best friend. Put up with it for 10 plus years, but decided my own time was too valuable for lateness/flakiness and that I wanted my best friend to see that too. I distanced myself with no explanation as it all of sudden really put me off making arrangements. It's rude and as full time working adults with little free time, I would rather not spend it waiting around.

jalapenita · 06/07/2022 12:34

Also,I asked her one time how she ever got to work on time, to which she replied she's always on time. That's when I realised the lack of respect she had for me, she saw me as someone she could piss about

1HappyTraveller · 06/07/2022 14:04

amusedbush · 06/07/2022 12:27

This is a really shitty post and you should have a bit more compassion, seeing as you are ND yourself. Consistent lateness is not always due to rudeness and you're not above people whose executive dysfunction makes it difficult to be on time.

For what it's worth, I also have ADHD and am obsessively early for everything. But that's because I'm also autistic, which means my time-blindness and chronic underestimation of how long tasks will take me are constantly fighting my need for perfection and routine, which is exhausting. Yes, I'm early for everything but the anxiety of worrying that I'll miss an appointment sends my brain into "standby mode", so I can't do a damn thing beforehand. Even if I have nothing in my diary until 4pm, my brain shuts down and I can't focus on anything until then.

It's shit and easily as destructive as DH's ADHD, which is the constantly late variety.

Show quote history

@amusedbush

agree! It just screams arrogance.

YellowMonday · 06/07/2022 14:31

Belovedfool · 03/07/2022 16:29

I had a friend like this, and I told her that I wouls just stop waiting for her. I didn't book anything outside the house. We'd arrange to meet at the location. If she didn't show within 15 minutes I either did it by myself (cinema, etc) or headed off somewhere else. If she was coming to mine for dinner and she wasn't there around the time specified, I ate with whoever else was there and she either got cold food when she arrived or, on one occasion, no food (she was 3 hours late that time). Eventually I just stopped inviting her.

My time is important, too.

I did the same and it does work! My friend now is rarely late, and if she is, she will call me to let me know. Love her but her time management is literally the worst.

goldengirlsoncraic · 06/07/2022 16:05

The thing is for every one person who is late because of ADHD the others are late because they're arseholes.

I don't think people who are late realise how demoralising it is.
To be sitting there waiting and waiting and waiting.

I had 1 friend who was constantly late,I mean sometimes hours late.
It got to the stage I was timing buses for her.
And ringing her to see where she was.
It got too much.
I have kids and it felt like she was another one of them.

I miss her but it became too much hassle for me.

WhatNoRaisins · 06/07/2022 16:45

It's something you can either deal with in a friend or you can't

MermaidMummy06 · 07/07/2022 03:29

I get some people genuinely struggle. I've never met someone who can't be there on time & orgainse themselves if they WANT to be there / know about it.

My friend who's late / cancels used to even text me to ask about school info, when it's all on the app. The clincher for my end of tolerance was her texting me to ask which takeaway would deliver a certain dish, while I was at the park with DC & we rarely buy take away. Then she told me proudly about the overseas holiday with complex flights she'd organised day before, around dates GP's could care for DC (became she doesn't take them on holidays, ever). I started saying 'I'm not sure, it's on the app / Google might know'. Even if I knew & could tell her. Amazingly she's suddenly fully competent & thinks I'm suddenly clueless often tries to tell me info & correct me!

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