Page 3 | Wwyd about friend who is always late?

42isthemeaning · 03/07/2022 21:09

Always plan to meet her an hour earlier than you need to, then show up at the time you really wanted to meet.

Palmtreechacha · 03/07/2022 21:11

hattie43 · 03/07/2022 20:24

Just tell her you're meeting at 7pm knowing you'll arrive for 8pm

The problem with this strategy (and I’ve tried it) is that they soon catch on that you are turning up late too so they end up being even more late knowing that you’ll also be late and it never ends. The best way is make it clear you’ll wait no longer than 15 mins and then follow through with it. Once they start missing out and losing friends- that’s the only way they learn

LookItsMeAgain · 03/07/2022 21:16

CornishTiger · 03/07/2022 16:42

You need to tackle it.

we agreed to meet at x time. You know it takes you x amount of time to get here. Why are you still at home doing your hair. Do you not want to meet? Why is it ok for me to be wasting hours waiting for you?

This is what I would reply with. Don't beat about the bush. Call her out on her poor behaviour.

CaptainTroy · 03/07/2022 21:18

I could t be friends with her, too rude. Too irritating.

LookItsMeAgain · 03/07/2022 21:19

@Garysparrowsthirdwife - are you saying that they showed up at a quarter to midnight? Did you let them in? If you did, why did you do that?
I would have had the house in complete darkness and put my phone on silent.
That's not just late, that's just so so rude.

Garysparrowsthirdwife · 03/07/2022 21:25

LookItsMeAgain · 03/07/2022 21:19

@Garysparrowsthirdwife - are you saying that they showed up at a quarter to midnight? Did you let them in? If you did, why did you do that?
I would have had the house in complete darkness and put my phone on silent.
That's not just late, that's just so so rude.

He did-I’d just gone up to bed when the doorbell rang
i refused to answer but my dp did-he just rolls his eyes and doesn’t say anything
drives me up the wall and it is bloody rude-every bloody week my dp and this lad will arrange to meet up
theyll text a time and every bloody time the lad will be at least half an hour late-it baffles my head-I’m always half an hour early-for work,meeting friends,appointments etc
its so rude-I can count how many times I’ve been late on one hand

I work with a lady who will stroll in 2 hours late-nothing is said-but she’ll go home bang on her home time-if I did this I’d get hauled over the coals
bloody fantastic when I’m counting on her to start so I can go on my break

Palmtreechacha · 03/07/2022 21:27

LookItsMeAgain · 03/07/2022 21:19

@Garysparrowsthirdwife - are you saying that they showed up at a quarter to midnight? Did you let them in? If you did, why did you do that?
I would have had the house in complete darkness and put my phone on silent.
That's not just late, that's just so so rude.

I agree. No bloody way would I have answered the door then- this is sheer insanity just accepting this as if it’s normal and fine.

you don’t have to answer the door to guests at midnight fgs! They don’t have a right to enter your house then!

Palmtreechacha · 03/07/2022 21:29

my dp did-he just rolls his eyes and doesn’t say anything

and this is why they keep doing it! Because they never get told not to

Arthursmom · 03/07/2022 21:35

I have two friends like that. They will not change. I only see then if I invite them to group things, that way if they're late I'm with others so it's no big deal. Shame but I don't have the time or patience for 1:1 with them as they're always so late

restedbutexhausted · 03/07/2022 21:38

I cancel on people if they do things like that.

Or if a friend says they will pop over or "let's meet up in " but is vague about the timing, I'm expecting around midday/early afternoon, and then they tell me at 3:30 they're almost ready, I just tell them I'm not feeling it anymore.

It at best shows a lack of awareness and at worst is just downright rude. I detest poor timekeeping.

To be honest, even if it's only 5-10mins, if that consistently happens it really irks me. Like people who are constantly a little bit late for work yet no consequences are felt!

LactoseTheIntolerant · 03/07/2022 21:41

I too have a friend like this. I have told her on a couple of occasions how much it annoys me and that I do have other things I could do with my time etc and she's good for the next couple of times we meet, turning up more or less on time and then she relapses into being late again.
Tbh it's basically ruined the friendship for me and I no longer make any effort for her. When I think back to the disrespect she's shown me over the years it makes me so cross but I've always been too much of a people pleaser to say anything until recently. It feels good to tell them how it makes you feel. Turn the tables on her for a change and put some boundaries in place don't accept the lateness anymore, you don't need to be waiting around for anyone, life's too short!

TreePoser · 03/07/2022 21:42

ColourfulOnesie · 03/07/2022 16:18

I have a friend who is absolutely amazing in every way, I love her for so many different things except…
She is always late
And I mean always
I’m not talking 5 or 10 minutes either, I’m talking, if you arrange to meet at 6 she’ll text you at 7:15 to say she’s just drying her hair

I’ve known her for years and have always just laughed it off and made funny little comments about living in her own time zone etc

However for some reason now it is really starting to irritate me
I will literally be sat dressed and ready for an hour waiting for her to say she’s ready and recently by the time it rolls around I’m usually over it and have to really muster up some enthusiasm to even meet up with her
When we’re together we always have a fabulous time though

Wwyd about this? Accept it as a quirk or … what?

I have a friend like this and I have trained her to be on time, sort of but she kind of resents it!

Whatever time she suggests meeting ask her is she's sure she can make it. Ask her again, so 7pm you think you can make it by 7? Or do you mean 7.30? we can make it 7.30.

My friend has always had really high flying jobs and wouldn't treat colleagues and customers like she treats me. When we do meet she does this thing where she acts scared I'll be angry with her for being late. I hate that. It's like if you're late own it, don't project on to me that I'll be furious. I'm not furious, I'm aware I wasn't prioritised.

katseyes7 · 03/07/2022 21:45

I have/had a friend who did this. She doesn't drive, so l always went to her.
We'd agree a time, l'd set off, and when l arrived at her house, almost invariably I'd check my phone and find a "Soz, running late" or "Sorry, fell asleep" (?) text.
And she'd be sitting putting on a full face of makeup (even though we weren't going out).
We started off with us arranging for me to go over at say, half past ten. It gradually got pushed back and back to twelve o'clock. And even then, she wouldn't be ready.
It was annoying enough when l wasn't working, but now l am, mytw to days off are precious (she doesn't work). Hanging around waiting for someone isn't on my agenda now. I have better things to do with my time, so l've backed off completely.
Once or twice, even a few times, l could have let go. But it got to the point it was literally every time. Weird how she always managed to be up and ready for doctor/hospital appointments, though.
It's just rude and inconsiderate. And smacks of 'my time is more important than yours'.
I liked her. I still do, she's a nice lass. And the timewasting besides, she was a good friend, kind and generous. But l just got to the stage where it really started to annoy me.

springsally · 03/07/2022 21:46

It's so selfish. If someone was handing them a million quid provided they turned up at a specific time then they'd be there.

RollOnWinter · 03/07/2022 21:48

People who are always late are rude and disrespectful. I couldn't be bothered with someone like that. My sister-in-law is the same (we no longer see her). I think if you're going to meet at 7, for example, then tell your mate you're meeting at 6

Clymene · 03/07/2022 21:48

You've been way too feeble about this. If you want to save your friendship, tell her you'll wait 30 minutes and then you'll leave. Or won't come out or will do something else or whatever. Basically, if you arrange to meet at 7, if she hasn't shown up by 7.30, it's off. And follow through!

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 03/07/2022 22:05

I can't stand waiting around for other people who are late for no good reason. One of my close friends kept pitching up late for out meet-ups. As she was a good friend I told her I found it annoying. I was t mean or rude but I was clear. She was sheepish and embarrassed but she has been much more careful to be on time since.

Bridgeth29 · 03/07/2022 22:13

I had a friend like this, my oldest childhood friend of 20+ years. I hate lateness but let it go on due to our history. Then once she didn't show so I texted her and she'd "forgot" we were meeting but then rushed to get there and was 30mins late (me sat by myself in a pub). I took ages to forgive her, then agreed to meet her for breakfast somewhere. I texted her the evening before we were meeting to ensure she was coming. When she was 20mins late I just went home and texted her later on (hoping she got there late and was sat waiting for me). She had "forgotten" again, saying her husband booked a last minute flight and so took him to the airport. We're no longer friends. I miss her in a lot of ways but she obviously had no respect for me and my time and made me feel like crap.

Hawkins001 · 03/07/2022 22:15

ColourfulOnesie · 03/07/2022 16:18

I have a friend who is absolutely amazing in every way, I love her for so many different things except…
She is always late
And I mean always
I’m not talking 5 or 10 minutes either, I’m talking, if you arrange to meet at 6 she’ll text you at 7:15 to say she’s just drying her hair

I’ve known her for years and have always just laughed it off and made funny little comments about living in her own time zone etc

However for some reason now it is really starting to irritate me
I will literally be sat dressed and ready for an hour waiting for her to say she’s ready and recently by the time it rolls around I’m usually over it and have to really muster up some enthusiasm to even meet up with her
When we’re together we always have a fabulous time though

Wwyd about this? Accept it as a quirk or … what?

What about adding a buffer time, e.g. If you want to meet at 7 say it's 6 ect ?

SkankingWombat · 03/07/2022 22:49

Justleaveitblankthen · 03/07/2022 16:55

How many times has she missed a flight and ruined her holiday through being late?
Thought not 🙄

Those kinds of people exist too, DH is one. He is consistently late for everything, and has indeed nearly had us missing holidays etc. It drives me up the wall and is a regular source of crossed words, as it often reflects badly on me and the only way I can get him out and only be 5-10 mins late is by standing over him and getting upset about it. He is late for work most days (I have no idea how he hasn't ever been disciplined or fired for this, although he's been pulled up on it a fair few times), regularly makes us all late for family outings, and is always late or just scraping in barely on time when meeting friends or for his voluntary role. With the voluntary role, he should be there 15 mins early to help set up, yet he always rolls up just as it is starting. Today he had a meeting with someone else from the organisation but totally forgot about it, so was a no-show. And this is something he wants to do! The voluntary role is a particular source of frustration for me, as the organisers use my business fairly regularly (and had long before DH volunteered). I often have to listen to comments about his timekeeping when I see them and I feel tarred by his brush.
With him it is a mixture of genuinely not seeing what the problem is (despite me explaining it very bluntly over the years), and a complete inability to keep an eye on the clock or work backwards eg "I need to be there at 8am, it takes 30mins to get there, plus add a bit in case of traffic/parking issues, so I need to leave at 7.15". He will suddenly and urgently get sidetracked into something in-no-way-urgent just before leaving the house, or do all the non-essential jobs first rather than slotting in what he can with the time left once the important stuff is done, so it is suddenly time to go and none of his bags are packed but the windows are clean and smear free and the ice trays have been refilled...

FWIW I also find timekeeping really difficult as I also either get sidetracked or hyperfocused on what I'm doing and lose track of time, so I do understand his challenge to a point. The difference is being late really stresses me out and I am very aware of the flaw, therefore I work hard to have systems to stop it happening. I write every little thing to remember/place to be in my diary, set alarms on my phone as a final reminder of "if you haven't already, you need to drop everything, get your shoes on and go NOW!", and often arrive ridiculously early for things, because I only seem to be able to manage either 45 mins early or 10 mins late. Early may be inconvenient for me, but at least isn't rude to others.

toooldtocarewhoknows · 03/07/2022 22:58

Accept her for who she is. She won't change.

Then tell her you are meeting up an hour earlier than you are actually meeting.

She'll barely be 15 mins late!

Once years ago I helped a friend with wedding invitations and was amused when a particular persons had an earlier time on it.

Same problem and the solution worked a treat.

LightSpeeds · 03/07/2022 23:01

OompaLoompaa · 03/07/2022 16:34

I has a friend like this, I sorted it by waiting for the 7.15 hair drying text and saying sorry I’ll have to leave meeting up as I have to be back home by 9/9.30 or whatever and we don’t have enough time to meet up.
It took a couple of goes before it worked and I had to stay firm to my plan. The first time I was all dressed up and didn’t go out, the second I didn’t even bother getting ready as I knew my friend would text late.
We are all good now and both very punctual.

This is a great idea

maddy68 · 03/07/2022 23:06

I don't know that I have any great advice. I live in a country where lateness is acceptable. However my friend who I love dearly is hours late.

Always

I now just go out with my partner and expect them to be soooo late or not turn up at all. I know he loves me and I love him
He is always sorry but ... I try not to let it get to me ...it does .. I feel it's rude. He is always apologetic but honestly doesn't see the issue

JennysMiddleFinger · 03/07/2022 23:55

I ate with whoever else was there and she either got cold food when she arrived or, on one occasion, no food (she was 3 hours late that time). Eventually I just stopped inviting her.

I used to make everyone wait for her, the last time they were 2hrs late for dinner at xmas time and it pissed the other guests off no end so I didn't invite her for dinner again after that and when she realised the following year she was livid. It wasn't like it was a one off, she was ALWAYS late, usually by a minimum of an hour.

Azizai · 04/07/2022 00:21

I don't think it's a sign of selfishness, I think it's generally a sign of really poor time awareness.

Not true for the person I knew who was persistently late. Many times she would visit me (late as always), only planning to stay until say 6pm as she had plans to visit with someone else at 7pm. At 6:30pm I would mention the time and she would wave it off. At 7:30pm the other person would call her to check she was still coming and she would tell them she was just leaving only to sit and have another cup of tea and continue to chat for another hour.... She just didn't care.