Wwyd about friend who is always late?

[ColourfulOnesie]

I have a friend who is absolutely amazing in every way, I love her for so many different things except…
She is always late
And I mean always
I’m not talking 5 or 10 minutes either, I’m talking, if you arrange to meet at 6 she’ll text you at 7:15 to say she’s just drying her hair

I’ve known her for years and have always just laughed it off and made funny little comments about living in her own time zone etc

However for some reason now it is really starting to irritate me
I will literally be sat dressed and ready for an hour waiting for her to say she’s ready and recently by the time it rolls around I’m usually over it and have to really muster up some enthusiasm to even meet up with her
When we’re together we always have a fabulous time though

Wwyd about this? Accept it as a quirk or … what?

I wouldn't be making any more plans with her, unless it's an emergency, there's no excuse for it.

I have a friend like this. When I arrive at his house ready to go out he announces he's just going for a shower. I've learned to arrange an hour earlier than I want and it's solved the issue.

I had a friend like this. He lived 5 minutes away so didn't have the excuse of traffic, etc.

He'd either turn up early and moan that I kept him waiting or turn up late and not get my issue about him being late. He once turned up on time and I by his time, was 2 minutes late. I got moaned at.

I gave up with him in the end.

I see this come up sometimes on mumsnet and I’m bemused that anyone would tolerate it at all. If I was supposed to meet someone at 6 and they texted me they were drying their hair at 7.15 I’d call them and ask why they were drying their hair over an hour after they’d arranged to meet me. Then I’d go home and not make plans with them again. It would never occur to me to ‘laugh it off as a quirk.’

Obviously a one off disaster lateness is a different situation but this isn’t that - she just couldn’t be bothered.

She would not be my friend. That is extremely rude.

You are not important enough to her.
She knows you will wait around and not say or do anything.
You are allowing her to take the piss and she is obliging

Bottom line? Stop inviting her. She can't be bothered making an effort and she's not interested in anyone but herself. Ciao baby.

Tell her 7. You turn up at 9...see how she likes it.

I could cope with 5, 10 or 15 minutes but not an hour. I just couldn't be bothered with it.

Like a PP I had a friend who cancelled on me virtually every single time we went out. It was always because she had a better offer. I stopped making any effort to meet up after that. The last time we did meet I had a passive agressive comment that her husband had said she hadn't seen me in ages. It was the final straw and I haven't seen her since. I have not missed her one little bit.

Nobody would remain a friend with me if they were habitually late. Whether it's just not valuing your time, or whether it is akin to an illness.

I'd just tell them an earlier time. It is a quirk. Some people are just like this, they find it hard to manage their own time / don't think about how long it takes to do certain tasks.
Also, depending on the activity you had planned to do together would depend how cross I would be. Meeting at someone's house for a drink, wouldn't bother me. Meeting a group of friends somewhere also wouldn't annoy me. Just me and late friend meeting out, would annoy me very much.

Always late I thought you were going to say up to half an hour, in which case I'd say I'd just make sure to meet her somewhere I'd be okay on my own for a bit, something fun to do etc.

But over an hour? That's just unacceptable and I wouldn't put up with it. I can't wait around for someone for an hour. You say you love this friend but it doesn't sound like they value your time.

I had a friend just like this, and when younger it wasn't such an issue but it also came with other personality flaws and we are not friends anymore. We had been for 20 years, but it put me off them big time along with the other flaws.

Just tell her you're meeting at 7pm knowing you'll arrive for 8pm

I have a friend like this. We were due to meet the other day at 1pm, and she turned up at 3:15.
To be fair, she is a bit manic (in a bipolar sense) at the moment so gets chatting to people and loses sight of the time. But it still makes me think my time does not matter.

I’m 40 and just ended a friendship with someone I’d known since I was 16 for this reason. I guess I value my time now more than I used to as I have less.

I hate it! It's as though she feels you have nothing better to do with your time than to sit around waiting for her!

Did you just sit there waiting for 2 hours? That’s what I don’t get. After 15 minutes I’d text and if they didn’t arrive I’d just go home and get on with my day.

My dp has a friend who does this

a few weeks ago,they arranged that he would come to ours for about 4:30pm

he finally showed up at 11:45pm-I wasn’t happy as I’d been up since 6am,done a days work and just wanted to go to bed-this wasn’t a one off-it’s every single time

hes been known to miss holidays (couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed),he’s missed out on days out,his dd has missed out on stuff and his other mates get pissed off with him

he doesn’t have a job so is never late for work-he can’t hold a job down due to his time keeping

it winds me up no end that everyone just enables him-they all dance to his tune and put up with it

its because he’s enabled to do it and he’s a faffer-he was once due to go on holiday abroad with his partner,dd and mum

they pushed him to get everything sorted and they where on track-then he started faffing-first he had to say goodbye to the dog,then he had to go brush his teeth,then brush his hair,then he couldn’t find his trainers,then he wanted a smoke,then he couldn’t find his charger-it went on and on-they almost missed their flight-all enabled by his family laughing about how useless he was

i would have given him a time limit-your not ready by then-we’ll go without you,and I would have done it

Yes, I did. The repiles were "I am just chatting to X" and "on my way" when she clearly wasn't.

I had a boyfriend like this, didn't last. Not just 10 or 15 mins late but half an hour late, 45 mins, once 90 mins. Different excuses every time - from oversleeping to traffic troubles, can't get a taxi, needed to hang out laundry before it went musty (!), needed a quick snack, needed to run other errands / call XYZ about something important... I got sick of it.

It's not just that they're wasting your time, it's that people like these can often be scatter-brained about lots of other things as well. Everything last-minute and rushed. The kind of guy who would then expect a partner to organise all his 'life admin' for him, remind him about appointments and family birthdays, buy the cards etc... yeah, shit to that.

Any more then 15mins is too much.

Either be honest with her - you will not continue to waste hours of your time or start telling her an hour earlier than you actually want to meet.

I have a friend like this. We arrange a particular meeting time and I deliberately turn up about 30-40 minutes later, around the time I anticipate she’ll actually turn up. I’ve got it down to a fine art. I haven’t had to wait more than a few minutes for her in years as I turn up late too.

Gosh you’re more patient than I am! I would have left after 15/20 minutes and would have told her why too. You must have been really annoyed.

i has friends like this. One time we told them two hours earlier than anyone else, they turned up 1 hour late (was good for them) so of course we weren’t ready. We told them about it as they wondered where everyone else was. Instead of being embarrassed or mortified they were furious with us. We’re no longer friends

I’d stop meeting her obviously. It’s rude AF to be that late and who dyes their hair knowing they are meeting their friend in 10 mins?

stop meeting her and if she asks why be honest. The only way people like this change is if there are behavioural consequences to their selfish actions