We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

[WildOnce]

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

You brought your partner an another child?

DH knows the mum rather than me and the baby is breastfeeding so yes!

Our parties have all been at soft play etc where it's perfectly normal for both parents to attend. We were at one on Sat and I took 8-day-old DD and my husband came to do the actual parenting stuff with older DD. Lots of mums and dads and babes in arms present.

Was it at someone's house?

If DH knows the mum then DH should have gone with the child who was invited and you stay at home with the other children (in this case, the breastfed baby). This is the case for nursery/school parties.
It's different if the DC are friends because the mums/dads are friends, then it's usually the whole family invited as it's more of a family friend.
That seems to be the way it's done round here.

It’s not that unusual, don’t worry! Especially at that age. We wouldn’t go as a family unit as we tend have one each for things like that but I have seen parents do it and certainly never thought they were weird. Well, a little bit for both wanting the torture of a child’s party! 😳

Just one parent unless you are close as couples and regularly all socialise etc.
I'd definitely opt to stay at home with a small baby rather than go en famile to a softplay party

For a 3 year old, perfectly normal.

Ok, so generally just one parent unless it’s obvious otherwise.

We just always do stuff together at the weekend so didn’t think! Just me and DS1 this weekend then. Joy.

Sort of depends on where the party was and whether parents were meant to stay or drop off?

Totally normal! At DC's party we had a mix of one parent, both parents, no parents, babies, grandparents!

How many geets did you take to the party?

I've done both - sometimes DH came to the parties, especially if we're friends with the parents; & sometimes gone alone. Lots of people have brought their partners, especially if there has been a small baby in tow too. Don't worry!

Round here if it's soft play usually the whole family rocks up. One parent stays with the kids that aren't invited when the other goes in the party room. Never any dramas, it's nice to meet everyone's family.

I’m always a bit wtf when the whole family fancies soft play and party games at 10am on a Saturday in some random leisure centre, but I can’t say I’d be offended.

Did you take 2 children?

We love soft play. It’s the only time our son leaves us alone.

@Toottooot geet? Guessing that’s children? The child who was invited and a baby.

It was at someone’s house who loves round the corner from us.

Usually here it is just the one but I can’t imagine being especially bothered unless it was a paid for activity and it cost more to have you all.

Surely you have better things to do than all going to kids birthday parties together?

I truly thought the whole point was to get 1.5 hours child free for one (or both, once they’re old enough to drop and run) at the weekends?

The only time we’d both/all go is if it was close friends of ours as a couple, and both kids explicitly invited, even then we probably wouldn’t. It is a bit odd to all turn up together.

It’s nearly always both parents at all the ones I’ve been to. Everyone sees it as a social gathering.

Our DS has just had his birthday party the other weekend and had a few parents turn up together along with 2 or 3 other siblings as well. It didn't bother me at all as we had 17 people pull out so had a load of food to eat (that's a separate issue though hah!) But even still I wouldn't have minded partners/families coming, it's nice that people can enjoy these things. Children grow so fast.
Saying that DH usually takes our eldest to friends parties and someone watches our youngest, but it's only because its around nap time for youngest. 🤗if the parents aren't fussed I don't see the issue, but if you're worried just message ahead to see.

We usually send one parent, but only because it means the other parent gets an afternoon off! I wouldn't care if both parents came to a birthday party, and I also wouldn't care if a young baby came. If you had an older child and expected them to be entertained and fed, that would be different- you should at least check with the host parents first.

Glad you've started this thread OP. I'm super confused by the etiquette too!

DS has been invited to a couple of 3rd birthday parties by friends at nursery (we don't know parents at all). Ones at the family home - it doesn't say drop off and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that as I don't even know what the child's parents look like! Is it rude to test parents and ask if we're all invited?

Always two parents at 3yo parties round here, along with assorted small babies. For DD’s our house was jam-packed. But then everyone we know, the 3yo is the older child so all the younger sibs are babies, which might make a difference. I wouldn’t and didn’t care if both parents showed up: more adults to supervised dozens of excitable children, more chance to talk to each other.

Mostly it’s just one parent going, until the blessed age when you can drop and run. Sometimes with another sibling if there’s no childcare BUT only if you’ve asked to bring them (not babes in arms obviously) and you’re clear they’re not actually part of the party and don’t expect a gift bag (though lots of parents are happy to make that extra one).

The only time people go as a family group here is when it’s a summer bbq sort of party and the invites make it clear it’s more of a family affair.

I think it's quite normal for that age, less so later on. As long as you didn't turn up with extra people expecting to be included in the actual party (join in games, be fed etc.), or complain that it was too noisy for the baby, because that's CF territory. An unweaned baby and a couple of adults who presumably didn't eat anything is fine, as long as there was enough space for you.