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Original poster

We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

235 replies

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 16:33

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 30/06/2022 20:05

We’ve just been through a phase of nursery weekly 3rd birthday parties and in the main both parents attend as well as any babies. We just mingle around chatting and supervising our kids. No hosting needed! The party host only hosts the kids.

Whatmeagain · 30/06/2022 20:41

We’ve always done a mixture as do most of the other families around here. Most families would bring other siblings to things but would usually check if it was ok or if it was a soft play/ trampoline party then they would pay for the extra children and buy their food. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong x

Spaceshiphaslanded · 30/06/2022 20:50

I don’t think it’s an unspoken rule - but we take it turns and the other one gets a rest!

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BellePeppa · 30/06/2022 21:05

I didn’t know there was an etiquette. I gave my children several parties when they were young and didn’t care if one or both and granny were there.

CelestiaNoctis · 01/07/2022 00:12

You can bring your partner but from my experience it's a 1 parent affair with only the invited kid unless they're a baby. Also its usually all mums and no dads. I hate if 😂😂 but I do it for my child.

Youmeandthem · 01/07/2022 00:12

It’s nice to go together and in the early days it’s great to meet and make contact and maybe even friends with couples you will probably have lots uncommon with and may well be seeing a lot of through the children in years to come. As they get older it’s more one parent generally then eventually drop and run but only if the birthday child’s parents have suggested it!

Londoncallingme · 01/07/2022 07:00

One adult and ffs don’t bring the siblings, a baby is fine of course, esp if BF. I’ve had a few parities where both parents rock up, they don’t mix as well and I always wonder why one doesn’t just go and make use of child free time. It’s not as big a sin as rocking up with siblings who of course want to join in and then expect food and a party bag!

VWCJW · 01/07/2022 08:34

I don’t think it’s a thing. Sometimes we’ve both gone, sometimes just one of us. Taking a breastfed baby is very common. You can’t leave your boobs at home. I think the reason only one parent often goes is because the other one is doing something. My daughter often wanted me in the soft play and wouldn’t join in if I didn’t, at least at the start. But I was also breastfeeding so my husband would often come so he could either go in with daughter or hold her brother. She’s now been diagnosed with ASD （I had no idea then) so I know we did the right thing for her. Sometimes it would depend on whose party it was. A good friend would mean we definitely both went.

VWCJW · 01/07/2022 08:48

It’s a soft play that the OP was talking about.

MandaLynn · 01/07/2022 08:50

Youmeandthem · 01/07/2022 00:12

It’s nice to go together and in the early days it’s great to meet and make contact and maybe even friends with couples you will probably have lots uncommon with and may well be seeing a lot of through the children in years to come. As they get older it’s more one parent generally then eventually drop and run but only if the birthday child’s parents have suggested it!

That's a good point. Our parties are all DS's nursery friends still. Its really nice that both parents go to most of them, as it's a chance for DH and I to meet lots of other parents that we'll be seeing a lot of over the next few years (small town, most kids will be at school together). We've made good friends with a few other couples that way

Johnnysgirl · 01/07/2022 08:50

Taking a breastfed baby is very common. You can’t leave your boobs at home
When there are two parents in the equation then it's perfectly feasible for the one with the boobs to stay home 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lola4321 · 01/07/2022 10:23

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MandaLynn · 01/07/2022 11:10

I don't understand. If they live just around the corner from you, couldn't you have dropped DS off and then collected him at the end of the party? Why did you even need to stay?

You'd really drop a 3yr old off a party and leave them? I'd be way more pissed off as the host than 2 parents coming

Lola4321 · 01/07/2022 11:27

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Johnnysgirl · 01/07/2022 11:32

You'd really drop a 3yr old off a party and leave them? I'd be way more pissed off as the host than 2 parents coming
Why? It's a kid's party, you're offering to entertain the kids, that's the point of the party.
What exactly do you want the parents to do? Provide the entertainment themselves? Surely not.

stuntbubbles · 01/07/2022 11:38

Johnnysgirl · 01/07/2022 11:32

You'd really drop a 3yr old off a party and leave them? I'd be way more pissed off as the host than 2 parents coming
Why? It's a kid's party, you're offering to entertain the kids, that's the point of the party.
What exactly do you want the parents to do? Provide the entertainment themselves? Surely not.

No, as the host you’re providing the entertainment, food, venue and cake. You’re expecting the parents of 3-year-olds to parent their 3-year-old: take them to the loo and deal with wee accidents, deal with bumps and falls, crying and whinging, generally supervise them. No one throws a birthday party thinking they’re going to supervise 5-10 preschoolers.

Lola4321 · 01/07/2022 11:41

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stuntbubbles · 01/07/2022 11:50

I think most people assume that a party for three year olds means a parent attending. The debate in the OP is whether it’s OK for both parents to attend – and there’s no consensus in the thread – not “absolutely no adults should attend, the host must martyr themselves as both entertainment and supervisor”.

Anyway, once again glad for the full spectrum of bonkers was that MN never fails to provide, and that every kids’ party I’ve attended and thrown has been entirely chill on the number of adults daring to attend and even have fun and eat a leftover pink wafer biscuit or two.

BringOnSummerHolidays · 01/07/2022 12:10

It's a one parent affair and you usually don't bring siblings unless you have no one to babysit them. In the case of softplay, I'll just pay for the entrance fee and they don't eat the party food or get party bags. No one drops and runs for a 3 year old party surely? That usually help from year 1. After a while, you are not expected to stay at all.

Mally100 · 01/07/2022 12:11

LittleMissUnreasonable · 30/06/2022 15:04

It's a bit weird, especially with the breastfed baby. Surely it would be easier to stay at home, rather than lug yourself to a party your child and DH was going to anyway. If I was the mum I'd not say anything, but probably think you were quite insecure especially if it's DHs female friend.

This. if it was around the corner why didn't you just stay at home? Also think it wad a bit rude as it was in their home which might have had limited space.

Johnnysgirl · 01/07/2022 12:42

stuntbubbles · 01/07/2022 11:38

No, as the host you’re providing the entertainment, food, venue and cake. You’re expecting the parents of 3-year-olds to parent their 3-year-old: take them to the loo and deal with wee accidents, deal with bumps and falls, crying and whinging, generally supervise them. No one throws a birthday party thinking they’re going to supervise 5-10 preschoolers.

Show quote history

You may be confusing playgroups with parties 😂

MandaLynn · 01/07/2022 14:14

Johnnysgirl · 01/07/2022 11:32

You'd really drop a 3yr old off a party and leave them? I'd be way more pissed off as the host than 2 parents coming
Why? It's a kid's party, you're offering to entertain the kids, that's the point of the party.
What exactly do you want the parents to do? Provide the entertainment themselves? Surely not.

I would never expect (or want) the host to be supervising a party full of 3yr olds on their own.

Let's say there are 2 parents hosting - you expect them to supervise, take to the loo, clean up wee accidents of 15+ 3yr olds they may have never previously met? You wouldn't send your child up a nursery with that ratio would you

Lola4321 · 01/07/2022 14:29

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MandaLynn · 01/07/2022 14:54

@Lola4321 There is a big difference between 3 and 5 year olds...that's why there are different legal requirements on ratios in nursery to school.

That's not even considering that the children most likely will have never met the hosts before.

stuntbubbles · 01/07/2022 15:02

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It’s really simple, I agree: no one in their right mind drops and leaves for a 3-year-old’s party. Obviously I don’t expect Mumsnet posters to be in their right minds.

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