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Original poster

We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

235 replies

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 16:33

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 19:34

Of course they get offered hot drinks. Or cold. It's not hard to cater for a couple more hot drinks than you might have expected, unless you're rationing teabags or something.

SmellyWellyWoo · 29/06/2022 19:35

Not at someone's house, that's quite odd. Public place, fine.

SBAM · 29/06/2022 19:37

I really wouldn’t mind, we’re hosting a 5th birthday next month and there’ll be a few younger siblings of classmates there, and both parents are welcome if they want to come. It is in a hired hall though, not in my house. For parties we’ve been to we’ve just had me or DH take DD and the other stay home with DS though. Mainly as DS can be a bit of a handful so I wouldn’t impose him on other people.
I think post-covid it is a nice way to get to know people.

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Original poster
WildOnce · 29/06/2022 19:38

@1000Pieces Because an older child would want to join in, eat the food etc and I wouldn’t think that was appropriate so they’d need to stay at home but a bf baby in a sling isn’t obtrusive. Anyway from peoples responses it doesn’t seem so clear cut.

OP posts:
mam0918 · 29/06/2022 19:39

Provenceinthesummer · 29/06/2022 18:36

mam I think it’s tacky and extremely ill mannered not to offer your guests drinks at least! Unheard of in these parts.

but the parents AREN'T guests, I have never once recieved an invite to one of my kids friends parties that invites ME as a guest.

They are simply a making a choice (because half tend to leave) to stay and chaperone usually because we dont trust our children.

I dont know a single party place that offers and kind of parenting hosting lol.

Smallsheets · 29/06/2022 19:48

I wouldn’t worry. For my DS’ 3rd bday I invited family units so adults could socialise while the kids bounced about in the soft play.

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 19:50

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 19:34

Of course they get offered hot drinks. Or cold. It's not hard to cater for a couple more hot drinks than you might have expected, unless you're rationing teabags or something.

It's not a couple more. If everyone comes along to experience the joy of watching their child at a birthday party, it's double the number of hot drinks.

How many mugs do you have?!

Christinatherabbit · 29/06/2022 19:50

With 6 children I have taken to and hosted parties for over 22 years I can honestly say there is no right or wrong and anyone that says different is daft. There is no rule book for this and you should do what works for you guys. Possibly read the room if it is a tiny house with little space then one of you could take the baby off for a walk around the block a few times or something. Otherwise really don't think about it to much!

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 19:50

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 19:38

@1000Pieces Because an older child would want to join in, eat the food etc and I wouldn’t think that was appropriate so they’d need to stay at home but a bf baby in a sling isn’t obtrusive. Anyway from peoples responses it doesn’t seem so clear cut.

So why did both parents need to come?

SBAM · 29/06/2022 19:52

Oh, and I’m absolutely planning on having coffee, tea and soft drinks available for the parents. They’re giving up a few hours of their weekend so that my child can have her friends at her party, it would be rude not to make them comfortable.

Scottishskifun · 29/06/2022 19:52

I wouldn't worry especially if a softplay party we have done both just 1 parent or both plus bf baby mainly as DS that day wanted me there but I'm bf and couldn't leave his baby brother at home (4weeks old at the time) and needed DH to go into the softplay.
I think it's different bringing a older child or another one to a party then a baby in arms

TolkiensFallow · 29/06/2022 19:54

its Totally fine! I always think it’s nice when both parents attend!

Original poster
WildOnce · 29/06/2022 19:54

@1000Pieces I’ve answered that upthread. It was a children’s birthday party and I’m asking for opinions on etiquette and taking them on board. Not sure why you are grilling me and seem to be taking a lighthearted thread personally.

OP posts:
WitchWithoutChips · 29/06/2022 19:57

Longmoorlane · 29/06/2022 18:19

Tbh I think this is one of those things that no one would really notice much in RL.

If your house is so enormous that you wouldn’t notice an extra fifteen adults and children in it on top of the party guests and an adult each then I congratulate you.

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 19:57

@1000Pieces as I said before, it's only a handful of invitees that come with both parents, so it's not going to be double. It's a handful of extras. My children's parties are in the summer so most parents had cold drinks, but I'm a bit of a mug hoarder so would have plenty even if they all wanted coffee.

I can totally understand parents of children whose whole life has been under various pandemic conditions being a bit keen to attend a first time birthday party. I've no idea why people are so keen to mock and deride it, or take it as a dire faux pas.

Hurstlandshome · 29/06/2022 19:58

Why must both of you suffer? Take it in turns! :)

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/06/2022 19:59

I don’t think that you did anything wrong and I think it’s perfectly normal for you all to go.

Maybe as they get older you wouldn’t take both unless asking first but the baby was in the sling and wasn’t intruding!

INeedNewShoes · 29/06/2022 20:03

I think at 3 years old, events are much more likely to be a family affair.

DD's 5th birthday party I actively invited siblings and was pleased when a couple of the dads turned up as well as the mums. It was outside so extra people didn't matter.

Even at the full on village hall type parties I've seen both parents turn up. Didn't think anything of it.

Have to say though, that now we're at school age I would definitely be sharing the chore of attending parties with my DP if I had one!

Tinkywinkywoo · 29/06/2022 20:06

In a village hall or venue it’s fine but in a private house I would definitely ask first. Our house is too small to accommodate whole families.

I’m always surprised by people who go to parties en masse. We usually take the opportunity to do something with the other DC on their own or just have a bit of a break!

Figgygal · 29/06/2022 20:07

God we never go to parties together
I tend to do them dh does sport with eldest
A baby is fine to bring usually but not older siblings

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 20:08

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 19:57

@1000Pieces as I said before, it's only a handful of invitees that come with both parents, so it's not going to be double. It's a handful of extras. My children's parties are in the summer so most parents had cold drinks, but I'm a bit of a mug hoarder so would have plenty even if they all wanted coffee.

I can totally understand parents of children whose whole life has been under various pandemic conditions being a bit keen to attend a first time birthday party. I've no idea why people are so keen to mock and deride it, or take it as a dire faux pas.

It's a faux pas because it's rude - because most people will be expecting approx the same number of adults as children, and will cater accordingly. Even now I live in a slightly less shoebox-sized place, I would still struggle to fit in 15 (!) extra adults, if everyone did what the OP did.

(And we don't have anywhere near enough mugs to serve twice as many adults)

Other people aren't extras in someone else's #makingmemories reel. I think that's why people take umbrage at it. Because it's only thinking about what YOU want and what would be most enjoyable for YOU, not for the person who's hosting the party (or the child whose party it is).

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 20:14

@1000Pieces Meh, I couldn't find the energy to be upset at two adults attending a party instead of one, especially if I hadn't specified on the invites that only one adult per child was allowed. As I said, in my years of experiencing children's parties it's a minority of invitees who have both parents with them. It's nice to meet both parents and the more the merrier. If that makes me a dreadful host then so be it.

Johnnysgirl · 29/06/2022 20:17

Smallsheets · 29/06/2022 19:48

I wouldn’t worry. For my DS’ 3rd bday I invited family units so adults could socialise while the kids bounced about in the soft play.

But that's not what happened here, so it's not remotely relevant!

You invited the family groups, family groups came. You can't extrapolate that all invitations are therefore extended to family groups...

Johnnysgirl · 29/06/2022 20:18

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 20:14

@1000Pieces Meh, I couldn't find the energy to be upset at two adults attending a party instead of one, especially if I hadn't specified on the invites that only one adult per child was allowed. As I said, in my years of experiencing children's parties it's a minority of invitees who have both parents with them. It's nice to meet both parents and the more the merrier. If that makes me a dreadful host then so be it.

Well it clearly doesn't make you a dreadful host, how could it possibly?
A guest, however...

Ihatemyroad · 29/06/2022 20:30

You’ll soon both get bored of kids parties and you’ll be flipping a coin to see who has to go 😀

In future it only needs one of you to go, two does seem a bit over the top.

My child is in Reception and many of the parties have said you can drop and go! I think the parents don’t want to have to worry about hosting parents as well as children.