We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

[WildOnce]

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

At someone's house I'd definitely just go alone with invited child - imagine if 10 children were invited and 2 parents and various siblings turned up for every one of them. I don't know many people who's houses could accommodate that 🤷🏼‍♀️

At soft play etc it's a bit more acceptable I think. I'd probably still choose to go alone (or DH could go alone) just for ease. But not a big deal for everyone to go together if there's plenty of seating.

We missed out on the 3rd/4th birthdays because of covid, but DD's 5 and most parties so far it's been most people attending just one parent, a few attending as a couple, and a few couple plus babies-in-arms. I don't think anyone raises an eyebrow at bringing along a baby. Occasionally people bring a younger sibling, but only if it's obvious there won't be a restriction on numbers (village hall hired for two hours, fine, trip out with booked places, not fine as the sibling won't have a place).

Person doing invitations should have mad it clearwr. But I wouldnt expect child to turn up with more than one paremt and certainly not siblings.

Perfectly normal for families to attend here.

It's really not a big deal, OP, I wouldn't worry.

For a first party for 3 year olds at a house, I think both parents and a tiny baby going along is absolutely fine - as long as you didn’t sit there scoffing the host’s food and necking their expensive bottles of wine.

The novelty will wear off soon enough and you and your partner will fall into a pattern of having massive arguments about whose turn it is to take kid this this time etc etc.

For a five or six year old, just drop and run.

I don't think it's that unusual at 3yo, especially a baby who won't be expecting to participate.

It's usually 1 parent. And then when they are older - drop off.

I would rather be anywhere than a soft play party.

The parent who attends can let the other one rest or get on with other stuff. I wouldn't treat another child's party as a family outing

I think for pre school parties, two parents are fine. It is still all new and exciting.

Reception - still new and exciting and nice opportunity to meet other parents.

Yr 1 and later years - one bored parent glued to their mobile phone until your DC reach the age where you can drop and run.

I'd have been horrified if two parents (and an extra child) had turned up for every house party dd had. Our house wouldn't have been able to accommodate everyone, the parents would have taken up all the space for the kids. One parent only was generally the norm from what I remember. It's a kids party, not a family day out!

No idea this was a thing? I’ve been throwing and attending kids parties for 18 years and it’s never occurred to me that there was an unspoken rule like this? Couples come with kids, one parent comes, sometimes parents drop and run. I’ve been totally oblivious all this time 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

We were explicitly asked to only have one parent take DD to a party recently due to restrictions on numbers. For another, I was explicitly told we could take both children.

I think you should check if you're not sure.

I would just ask what the host is expecting!! Simples……..

Its interesting the range we're seeing here - so I'd expect only one parent to attend, and only if they'd been asked to stay (probably would at 3). Unless it was a social event with drinks etc for the parents and they were specifically asked to go along. If you have parents standing around waiting for refreshments etc its a bit odd. I've also had couples come along where the husband and wife can't do anything separately but that's another thread (I've heard thats a "thing" amongst some couples). And they weren't welcome!

I think you can use the pre-school period to see who does what where and when in your area/social group then you know what's expected.

So why didn't you and baby stay at home?

Yes, not usual to go en masse.

I don’t think it’s that weird to be honest and if it was a party I was hosting I wouldn’t mind at all. 1 parent is more usual just because parties are boring 😂

I think if thle invite comes from a nursery friend who you aren't friends with the parents yourself then just one parent attends. If it is an invite from a friend then it is a social event and the whole family can attend.

Totally normal to bring babies - it’s not like they’re going to be pigging out on the buffet (and I don’t know anyone who would begrudge a baby a sausage roll!). Pretty normal to bring both parents too to a little one’s party. Certainly wouldn’t think anything of it. But I wouldn’t turn a hair at most of the things people think are outrageous on here!

Because it was their kid’s first party invitation, they were both excited and wanted to see how it went?

I once turned up to a party and was asked where my husband and younger DD were!

Generally though, it was divide and conquer for kids parties, one parent looked after invited child, other took other child elsewhere. Sometimes sibling had to go to party too (which was fully acceptable at my DDs schools due to a lot of parents travelling for work/long/awkward shifts.)
One exception was the Pool parties as it was exclusive use for up to 100 people, so whole families were invited (plus it meant more adults in the water!)

Pool parties, shudder.

wow, I think this is fine. My daughter has been to a bunch of third birthday parties recently and it's really not unusual for both parents/whole family to come along. Also if I knew only one of the child's parents I'd be glad to meet the other - would mean extra potential for playdates!
I don't think you need to overthink this, OP.

It really isn't...

It depends where the party is. Hired hall, soft play, bring whoever (although pay for other children and make it clear they don't get to have any party food).

At home, the invitee and one supervising parent if needed.

This. In a soft play no problem. In a private house not usual for both parents to come unless you're both friends with the hosts, though I'd be fine with it so long as I had space. Bringing a bfing baby is pretty normal (though once they're crawling I'd usually again leave at home unless you're good friends with hosts).

I think it is a bit different if it's mostly mums there and your DH is the one with connection, often there's an 'us mums' feel that might make your DH less comfortable or also you might want to meet other mums if you're usually working and less able to see him with nursery friends.

Anyway, I don't think anything to stress about! Unless their house was tiny it's unlikely to have made a difference, and hopefully all the kids had fun.