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Original poster

We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

235 replies

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 16:33

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

OP posts:
mam0918 · 29/06/2022 18:31

Some people on mums net must attend wierd parties.

Its a kids party, the parents aren't 'hosted' we just mingle around like spare parts watching our children to make sure they dont cause havok or eat too much cake or slip and break a bone on the tube of bubbles someone spilled etc... until we go home (never been to a party where parents have been fed and given drinks).

I have certainly never been to any where parents sit back and 'relax', sipping wine and ignoring their kids... tacky.

Provenceinthesummer · 29/06/2022 18:35

still waiting to find out how some pp fit in whole families at class parties???

very interested. I have a large house and garden and couldn’t imagine everyone turning up.

or is it exclusive groups that are invited and their children only? Which would make more sense in terms of space but rather sad for the children to be lumbered with their parents choice of guests for their birthday party.

brown543 · 29/06/2022 18:35

Can't believe the people on here who would begrudge someone turning up with a BF baby!

I don't think anyone's begrudging that, rather turning up with two parents in tow (plus other kids). I don't think it's fair on the people trying to host.

Having siblings there also changes the dynamic for the birthday child, not always in a good way.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Provenceinthesummer · 29/06/2022 18:36

mam I think it’s tacky and extremely ill mannered not to offer your guests drinks at least! Unheard of in these parts.

Crackercrazy · 29/06/2022 18:38

It wasn’t normal when mine were little and I wouldn’t have been happy if both parents had turned up to my house expecting to stay.

Soft play is different.

Crackercrazy · 29/06/2022 18:40

Also depends on how friendly you all are too I guess.

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 18:40

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 18:29

Yes! We both wanted to see how he was at a party, what with Covid etc we’ve never got to see him in these sorts of situations.

Show quote history

did you not think of it from the hosts' point of view at all?

Wingingit15 · 29/06/2022 18:47

Not sure if it’s bad etiquette although if you bought a baby to soft play the hosts might be charged by the venue, but I’d personally think it was a bit twee tbh

smileandsing · 29/06/2022 18:48

I'd say unless you are all friends then it prob should have been the 3 yo plus one of you, or you could bring the baby too. But as it was in a neighbour's house it wasn't too odd. It doesn't have to be the parent who knows the family that goes, it's a good way to meet other parents.
When the baby is no longer a baby DO NOT take them to any parties their older sibling is invited to. They'll want to join in, eat the food, play the games etc, it's just rude if they're not on the guest list.
Once they're at drop and run age (6 or 7) then do just that

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 18:50

@1000Pieces what impact other than taking up a bit more space would it have had on the hosts? This was a party at someone's house, not at a hired venue.

Provenceinthesummer · 29/06/2022 18:51

Some selfish parents on here using their kids to engineer their social life/cheap family day out without a thought for the poor party hosts. It seems it wouldn’t even cross their minds that it might be a massive imposition to rock up at someone else’s house with the whole bloody family in tow 🫤

RenegadeMatron · 29/06/2022 18:51

No harm done, but believe me, the novelty will soon wear off, and you will jump at that chance for one of you to stay home with the other DC, and then before you know it, it will be drop and run, with neither of you hanging around.

mistermagpie · 29/06/2022 18:53

We argue over who has to take the child to the party - can't imagine both of us wanting to go!

My six year old tends to go to 'drop and run' type parties (the best kind) and my just five year old tends to be more softplay things where a parent stays. There have been occasions when I've had to take my youngest child to those because I didn't have anyone to watch her, but I always ask the party parents first and pay for her entry if it's softplay etc.

Needtogetoffmyphone · 29/06/2022 18:54

Think I need to move to Gransnet. There’s etiquette for childrens parties now? 🤣

Original poster
WildOnce · 29/06/2022 18:58

Well it seems like an even split with strong feelings on both sides! I’ll go solo to the next one. I suppose my DH wanted to introduce me to the mum he knew as I am on Mat leave and most likely to do play dates.

by the way, there was no space issue, big house and garden. Baby, me and DH are and drank nothing whilst there either.

OP posts:
AuntMargo · 29/06/2022 18:58

Absolutely fine, we had toddler birthday at the weekend and one couple came as a family unit, with 2 x extra kids, we welcomed them but no party bags for the extras, but they were older so didn't matter x

Veol · 29/06/2022 19:03

Most parents take it in turns. Not because of etiquette but because it halves the number of kids parties you each have to go to.

Original poster
WildOnce · 29/06/2022 19:05

@1000Pieces probably not enough but in the end it didn’t put them out - lots of space and we didn’t eat/drink anything! I would expect that partners and babies would come if I was hosting so suppose that’s why I thought nothing of it. If our second was older we wouldn’t have taken him and then naturally one parent would have stayed at home but not the case here.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsProbsNotMe · 29/06/2022 19:05

I honestly wouldn’t think anything of it if I was the host! If I was you I would have just made a joke of the family tagging along to see him at his fist party and that’s that. IMO (which I don’t expect anyone to give a sh@t about) people must get themselves tied up in knots over kids party’s and having the best buffet goodie’s, massive personalised cakes rather than shop bought etc. at the end of the day that’s the last bit the kids (which are who actually matter) will remember! All they care about is running around like a loony then having a bit of cake which will have likely hit the deck 3 times before they manage to eat it anyway 😂 x

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 19:06

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 18:50

@1000Pieces what impact other than taking up a bit more space would it have had on the hosts? This was a party at someone's house, not at a hired venue.

  1. 'Space' isn't a trivial consideration. We lived in a very small 2-bed flat until my kids were quite big.
  2. As a decent host, I would serve the adults drinks and snacks. I would cater for 1 adult per child, not 2 (plus siblings).
1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 19:07

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 19:05

@1000Pieces probably not enough but in the end it didn’t put them out - lots of space and we didn’t eat/drink anything! I would expect that partners and babies would come if I was hosting so suppose that’s why I thought nothing of it. If our second was older we wouldn’t have taken him and then naturally one parent would have stayed at home but not the case here.

Why would your breastfed baby being older mean that one of you would have been happy to miss out on the opportunity to watch your older child 'experience a birthday party'?

MiniPiccolo · 29/06/2022 19:10

DH was expected to take the baby, they probably weren't expecting you to rock up too with the baby.

Sally872 · 29/06/2022 19:11

The reason i would never turn up with dh and sibling to party is not about cost or effort to host it is about space in the house. It isn't a massive faux pas but worth thinking about next time.

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 19:12

@1000Pieces Well, as a shit host, I don't cater specifically for adults because in my experience there's always plenty of food from what we provide for the kids, so adults are welcome to join in. If I knew there wasn't much space I'd be clear on the invite that due to size of venue only 1 adult per child please. If I didn't specify I'd expect some people might turn up as a couple, especially at a younger pre school age party when it's all still new experiences for some.

I certainly wouldn't take it as a personal insult to the host!

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 19:15

RoseslnTheHospital · 29/06/2022 19:12

@1000Pieces Well, as a shit host, I don't cater specifically for adults because in my experience there's always plenty of food from what we provide for the kids, so adults are welcome to join in. If I knew there wasn't much space I'd be clear on the invite that due to size of venue only 1 adult per child please. If I didn't specify I'd expect some people might turn up as a couple, especially at a younger pre school age party when it's all still new experiences for some.

I certainly wouldn't take it as a personal insult to the host!

you don't offer them a tea/coffee/soft drink?

Maybe it's different in London where space tends to be at a premium. I've never ever specified 'one parent only', and I don't think I've ever had two turn up, except where they were really our friends who were coming along with their kids to socialise with us.