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Original poster

We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

235 replies

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 16:33

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

OP posts:
HairyToity · 29/06/2022 18:11

I've been to lots of parties with both parents and siblings. I always took my BF baby to children's parties. I think it's absolutely fine, and anyone who says it isn't needs to get a life.

GinUnicorn · 29/06/2022 18:11

Useful thread though. We are in the midst of booking my daughters birthday so I will make sure to specify! Maybe the onus should be that the invite makes it clear.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 29/06/2022 18:13

Harridan1981 · 29/06/2022 17:15

Perfectly normal for families to attend here.

Does everyone have massive houses? Even if you only invited 5 friends you could end up with 20 plus people

How do you accommodate so many?

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HarvestFly · 29/06/2022 18:14

Yep one parent only here. It's a party for the child not a family outing.
Only time a couple would go is if it was a very small party and parents were good friends, but host would have made clear whole family were invited

MandaLynn · 29/06/2022 18:15

Perfectly normal here for 2 parents to attend - plus younger children. Though they've all been soft plays/farms so far - guess at someone's house would be different

Ragwort · 29/06/2022 18:16

Can't believe you would turn up with your baby as well - don't you welcome the chance to have some time on your own rather than all trooping along to a children's party?

But I made a faux pas the first time I took my DS to a 'nursery' party ... he was 3 and I just assumed I would leave him, I did ask the host if that was OK and she did say yes but looking back I can see it wasn't quite the right thing to do [DS was very confident and happy to be left and no drama when I collected him].

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 29/06/2022 18:16

HairyToity · 29/06/2022 18:11

I've been to lots of parties with both parents and siblings. I always took my BF baby to children's parties. I think it's absolutely fine, and anyone who says it isn't needs to get a life.

Well as long as you're OK who gives a stuff what the party host thinks, eh

Every primary class has that parent.

ClinkeyMonkey · 29/06/2022 18:16

Usually it's one parent at the ones I've been to, but not always. I certainly wouldn't think anything of it if both parents turned up. Sometimes families are heading off somewhere afterwards. I think the parent who doesn't attend is just glad of the break😃

AngelinaFibres · 29/06/2022 18:16

WildOnce · 29/06/2022 16:37

DH knows the mum rather than me and the baby is breastfeeding so yes!

So why didn't just your husband and the invited child attend. No need for you or the baby to be there.

PeekAtYou · 29/06/2022 18:17

I would assume one parent so that the host didn't have to cater for double the number of adults. Your younger one is a baby so not an issue but if the younger one had been 2 then there would have been awkward moments when the 2 year old might have wanted a party bag or to sit with the others when they ate.

If it's a soft play party then it's ok to ask if it's ok if you bring a younger one and you'll pay their entrance and for their food /drink but for a house party, space is usually limited.

ilovesushi · 29/06/2022 18:17

Really normal. You have not made a terrible faux pas! It all gets a bit confusing around age 5 when you're not sure whether to drop or stay.

HarvestFly · 29/06/2022 18:17

1000Pieces · 29/06/2022 17:44

I'm a bit confused why, if it's your husband that knows the mum, and you're breastfeeding the baby, why you and the baby would go?

I wondered this too. Would normally only drag a baby along to a party if the other parent was unavailable

Glitterspy · 29/06/2022 18:18

Just wanted to add, my rule of thumb is one gift for the party child and, if I’m bringing a sibling, one gift from them as well (so two gifts for the party child). if the party child has a younger sibling (4/5 or younger) we give them something little to open too.

Longmoorlane · 29/06/2022 18:19

Tbh I think this is one of those things that no one would really notice much in RL.

Sally872 · 29/06/2022 18:19

If you were planning to host a 3 year ild party would you be able to accommodate each 3 year old bringing 2 parents and a sibling? I think it is too much to ask.

At 3 i think one parent staying is reasonable of fine to all stay at soft play or anywhere with a cafe open to public but not really anywhere else.

Normal etiquette at 3 years old I would offer/want to stay (1 parent). At 5/6 i would drop off leaving contact details and being available. (Or offer to help if child uncomfortable being left).

Provenceinthesummer · 29/06/2022 18:20

I have been doing birthday parties for 17 years and if people had come as whole families I would have a breakdown! It’s bad enough herding 25/30 kids for food, cake - ensuring no one is crying/left out etc the idea of looking after so many parents as well would finish me off!
i found most parents would see a party as a break and sit back, drink wine and observe the enduring chaos with a sense of detached bemusement, conveniently missing the part where their kid was biting someone/choking on cake or screaming the place down 😄🍷

SantanaBinLorry · 29/06/2022 18:21

OP this would not bother me AT ALL if I was a hosting parent. I think its only on Mumsnet where people get all up in arms about this kind of thing.
Turning up with x5 extra siblings all attacking the buffet is one thing. Babe in arms and getting to know your child's friends parents is an other thing entirely.

A friend of my 11yr old has a 6yr old and a 13yr old siblings (I also have a 13yr old) We always invite them all if we're doing something for DS, BBQ or pool party. They always double check its ok for all of them to come and are always so grateful for the invite. I think its a nice thing to mix it up a bit if you can.

We lived in Spain for a while. Everyone, their Grandma and her next door neighbor would be invited to a party Grin Nobody would ever dream of not inviting the whole class and they'd think you were completely bonkers to only invite boys or girls. It was very angst free, I very much liked it.

Mommabear20 · 29/06/2022 18:22

I've got a joint one planned for my DC next month, the friends of mine that I've invited as a family (mum, dad, and all the kids) but any that are coming from DC baby clubs (swimming lessons etc) I'd only expect 1 parent to come, as it's not a 'pay per child' type party I have said siblings are welcome as I know some parents don't always have childcare for things like parties but don't see the need for both parents to be there if we aren't friends ourselves.

mam0918 · 29/06/2022 18:23

Its fine to bring partner, I have never known a party be charged per parent etc... frankly I couldnt sit through the boredom on my own (and in over a decade attending them its fairly common both parents show).

The child thing is a grey area... I would not mind a baby attending at all as they dont expect anything and dont tend to count, toddler and up is most risky.

The obvious rule is if you bring another uninvited child to a public party area you pay and also that child cannot expect to be involved in party activities but if its a private party and you really dont have a babysitter then you either dont go or you need to contact the other parent before and ask if its ok and if you should stay or leave (a bouncy castle in a hall might be but a pay per head private party usually has number caps).

HelpIneedsomebodywontyouplease · 29/06/2022 18:24

Romeiswheretheheartis · 29/06/2022 17:18

I'd have been horrified if two parents (and an extra child) had turned up for every house party dd had. Our house wouldn't have been able to accommodate everyone, the parents would have taken up all the space for the kids. One parent only was generally the norm from what I remember. It's a kids party, not a family day out!

This.

the only time both me and DH were at any kind of kids party together was when it was our own DC’s birthday!
I haven’t ever heard of both parents attending in our area, whether it was at a house or a play centre, there was one parent who took a sibling to a couple due to child care issues but no one else ever did that either.

brown543 · 29/06/2022 18:25

Sorry but I'm in the camp of not liking it. Hosting a young child's birthday party at home is stressful enough, I wouldn't want to be squeezing past extra adults plus having to offer them refreshments.

It does seem to vary by year. My older son's year group were a drop and go as soon as possible, and never came with kids or other halves (other than the odd exception that had particular circumstances).

My younger son's year saw it as a family outing and, rather than send the one child to the party, rocked up with two or three extra kids plus both parents. Personally I think it's a bit cheeky and not fair on the hosts.

HoppingPavlova · 29/06/2022 18:26

If the party was at my house and the whole family rocked up I would think it was really strange as just one parent would be needed.

If the party was at soft play and there was another sibling that went (was not in the party and paid for separately) then I would expect two parents, one to supervise child in context if the party and the other to be off busy supervising the non-party child. If two parents and one child rocked up to soft play party I’d think that odd.

cardboardbox24 · 29/06/2022 18:26

Can't believe the people on here who would begrudge someone turning up with a BF baby!

OP I wouldn't care either way if siblings, one or both parents turned up. I'm a single parent so have to take both children to parties but I will always message the hosts and ask first.

Original poster
WildOnce · 29/06/2022 18:29

PuppyMonkey · 29/06/2022 17:28

Because it was their kid’s first party invitation, they were both excited and wanted to see how it went?

Show quote history

Yes! We both wanted to see how he was at a party, what with Covid etc we’ve never got to see him in these sorts of situations.

OP posts:
goldengirlsoncraic · 29/06/2022 18:30

I can't be there the only one that thinks it's weird the whole family turned up🤣

In this case if you're unsure,I'd send one parent and the other one stats home.

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