We were ‘that’ family…children’s birthday parties

[WildOnce]

Went to a 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago. It was the first DS1 had been invited to and we went as a family unit. No one else had their partners there, only some had their babies. I had no idea it wasn’t the done thing as I am completely ignorant about party etiquette!

We have another coming up so mumsnet…is the unspoken rule that only one parent attends?

Every party I've been to receny seems to be a big family en masse event. I don't think this is a problem but as a single mum I end up feeling really awkward and lonely. But that's on me 🤷🏻‍♀️ the last one I brought a close friend as I was fed up of standing alone. I was glad as once again everyone had arrived with partners and siblings of invited child. So I don't think you did anything wrong.

I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at that for a 3yo birthday party.

In fact dh and I often went to soft play parties etc as a family unit with our other children if we had nothing better to do at the weekends - paying separately for our other dc's of course. If it's a public place I don't see the problem - dh works long hours and when the dc's were little there were parties nearly every weekend and we didn't want to be apart from one another regularly for half a day at weekends when time together is precious. Parties at peoples homes just one of us would've gone once they were at school.

Once they got old enough to be left we dropped and ran!

Can't recall seeing having both parents at a party unless specifically asked. Your husband should have gone and you stayed home with baby. Once you child gets to school age it's generally drop and go.

Having done many parties it's not a faux pas or particularly unusual for both parents to come, and it's definitely fine to bring a small non-mobile baby. The majority it's one parent that stays, but I wouldn't have blinked at you both staying at 3rd birthday.

If the party is at somebody's house then only one of us would go.

If it's at a venue, there's nothing to stop anybody going. DP would normally bring the sibling and if it's say soft play we'd pay for them to go in too with one parent supervising each child or we'd all sit in the cafe and have a drink and a snack whilst watching the birthday party.

Party in a church hall or leisure centre, it's not unusual for both parents to go but it's quite boring if there's no cafe or refreshments for the parents!

I'm a bit confused why, if it's your husband that knows the mum, and you're breastfeeding the baby, why you and the baby would go?

In someone’s house then just one parent unless they specify others wise.

Oh god how awkward. At least you know for next time.

Really wouldn’t bother me either way as the host parent. As long as you don’t bring badly behaved siblings who trash the party (which you didn’t) I really wouldn’t mind who came.

There’s no way I’d do that for a party at someone’s home. Soft play or something is ok

It was rude (albeit unintentionally). You can't just turn up with other people without checking it's ok.

At least you know for next time.

Presumably because it was the child's first party they'd been invited to and she wanted to be there too.

Only ever one here. No biggie but it does look a bit odd to me if the whole family turns up. Surely there's something anything better to do than trailing after a partner?

If it’s family or friends of the adults then I think it’s fine for both parents to go. If it’s a friend made via nursery/school/clubs and you otherwise wouldn’t know the parents then just one parent to attend the party.

One parent - it's not a family day out. Or even better drop and run and find a quiet coffee shop / wine bar

It's not unusual Op.

Only one parent usually attends, if everyone turned up as a couple the party numbers would be overwhelming for the hosts.
no harm done and you know for next time.
Maybe the other parents thought you had brought dh to help with the baby.

“It’s nearly always both parents at all the ones I’ve been to. Everyone sees it as a social gathering.”

^This is my experience too

Absolutely fine, and breast feeding baby fine as well as long as you didn't demand party bag for said baby

At my daughter's 3rd birthday party, most of the kids had both parents there, and I wouldn't worry about the baby as usually people think it's rude to bring other kids as they cost the party host money or food they haven't catered for - I'm assuming your small baby didn't do either?

Also, send your husband to the next party with your son, cos you know, you're breastfeeding, and then enjoy the peace 😏 extra points if you can get baby down for nap just as they're leaving!

You can't turn up en famille to someone's house! What if every invited child came with three people?

Parties in soft play, trampoline park, maybe church halls - fine. Someone's house - no.

A social gathering? Seriously that is my idea of pure hell, if you have a class party you could easily end up with 30 children and 50 plus odd parents 😳
unless you live in a tiny tiny hamlet and have an equally tiny school how does that even work?!

Ops area clearly follows a similar pattern to most others, otherwise she would not have been the only one with a dh. One parent unless you are very close friends or have been invited is the norm

🙄

Generally here it's the invited child plus one parent. We had DD's birthday party at our house and a couple of families turned up with both parents which was OK as fortunately we had space and plenty of food and drink but I did think it was a bit strange that they all rocked up when they hadn't been to my house before and didn't know we'd have the room. If everyone had brought partners we definitely wouldn't have had space.

I think it's probably best to check in future. I tend to assume that it's only the invited child plus me or DH unless the person hosting the children's party says otherwise. I definitely wouldn't show up with an extra child that would expect to be fed/given a party bag unless they'd specifically been included in the invite. So in this case, particularly as it's in someone's house DH should have gone and you stayed with the baby.

Must admit, me and Dah went together for DDs first party invite but she was only 18months and we were all excited 😂

Now she's 8 we do rock, paper, scissors to see who will ferry her about and drop and run as fast as possible. Bonus if it's possible to argue that there isn't enough time to get home and do the housework so you HAVE to just hang out in the local cafe reading and eating a huge slab of cake, HAVE to I tell ya!