15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

I’ve had a nursery for 25 years, and it’s only in the last 5 years or so that we have started to see children with all these issues. Some of those issues are parenting issues, and I’m sorry if that offends anyone, but it’s a fact.

No it isn't, it's your opinion. You should be careful not to confuse those in future.

Also not all children with SEN require 1 to 1.

Some children have SEN, of course they do. But some children have issues caused by bad parenting, eg, lack of sleep, too much screen time, too much milk, sugar, etc.

No way are there as many children with autism as is claimed on Mumsnet. I mean, what’s the link? They all get their parenting advice from Mumsnet, that’s what.

I don’t agree with that at all. I think they are offering nursery as an option - with good intentions. Not as some kind of a test !

It’s not an option I will be accepting BUT I trust them nevertheless and not once have I felt disbelieved over dds difficulties

But yet here you are giving out your 2 pence on Mumsnet.

Autism is a wiring in the brain, I think you need reminded of that.

I came to Mumsnet because I don't know anyone else who has a child with autism.

@strawberrycustard - Of course that’s why they’re offering it. It’s what they do now - they send children to nursery to see if their delays are environmental.

Have you been told this by health visitors or gps?

I’m quite sure they believe she has difficulties. They just want to see whether a different environment, where she is not fed milk all day because she demands it, will make those difficulties go away.

If that is the case then and you’ve obtained this from some kind of training or meeting with professionals then Thankyou for letting me know. If true then I feel I’ve definitely made the correct choice not to send dd

@strawberrycustard - By health visitors, yes. All the time.

She’s not though - we’ve had dietitian help and she’s having much less and watered down so that is not the issue it was

I discovered mumsnet through worriedly googling my child's developmental delay. I read about a lot of people's personal experiences on here which i felt helped me. I then eventually explored the rest of the site. I had never really heard of mumsnet before this point and would likely not have ended up here if both my dC had been NT. I would guess many other will have ended up here via a similar route and therefore may make it seem disproportionate but it's not unbelievable.

Of course there are people about who will just decide without evidence their kid is autistic but there are also many people out there undiagnosed. There is an increase in numbers as there is now a better understanding of ASD, a better diagnosis process and an understood genetic link. All these things will logically give you higher numbers of people receiving diagnosis.

Wow. Well thanks for the heads up then ! If I’m being judged and not supported and this is what HV are now advising childcare settings I’m shocked . Seems so wrong to not accept possible SEN and be looking to place blame with parents.

Very glad with the decision I made , even more so after you’ve told us this

@strawberrycustard - Well, there must be other issues. They want to see if your child thrives in a different environment before giving her a label. And that is what they do now, hence the promotion of 2 year funded places.

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal - There’s also an increase in parents giving children devices to keep them quiet, letting them play up at night or co-sleep (because this was apparently how we evolved), looking constantly at mobile phones instead of interacting with them, giving them formula or breast milk as an alternative to food well after they turn 1, etc, etc - and this is just for starters.

Most 2 year olds who are exhausted, hungry, over stimulated by looking at screens all day but not really spoken to or read to will appear to have SEN. Sadly, 1 in 3 funded 2 year olds fall within this category and health services are more than well aware this is the case.

Why do you think they offer funded places to begin with?

@EYProvider there have always been children at a disadvantage and those disadvantages have modenised and changed over time yes. There has always been poor parenting and children growing up in environments that aren't good for them. These are different issues though. The idea that 'you gave your child autism by giving them too much screen time and spending too much time on your phone' is insulting and quite frankly untrue. Otherwise all children that are neglected would surely be diagnosed. Some of us are trying our best but you can't change genetics.

OP if you trusted your HV before then don't let the previous few posts change that. Autism is a social communication disorder. They've offered you a place that will provide a wider variety of opportunities for social communication so there is logic in their reasoning. You don't want to accept and that is fine but offering/recommending you something that you are entitled to shouldn't give you cause to distrust them. Just say no but continue to work with them to access any other support you do feel will help.

But even if a child acts differently at a nursery or scholl does that mean anything or could the child just be masking or in shutdown ? There are a lot of factors

We co sleep - I dont understand how it is relevant as dd sleeps 7-7 ! Goes off to bed and then I join her later on and she sleeps well

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal - I didn’t say those things cause autism; however, their effects cause delays in 2 year olds (speech and language certainly), as well as dysregulated behaviour. That’s why health services want to see these children in a different environment where they are not exposed to the effects of what is often poor parenting. Not every 2 year old with a speech delay and dysregulated behaviour is autistic; some of them are exhausted, hungry and over stimulated - and yes, sadly, this is sometimes due to parental choices.

@EYProvider why do you see Co sleeping as negative ?

You asked what some other people do about assessments who don’t have another setting. A couple of families I know who home educate currently can’t get a diagnosis as they don’t have another setting. It’s wrong but the system is so bad at the moment it’s how it is 😢

I'm not disagreeing that these things can cause delays but these children won't go on to get a diagnosis. This doesn't mean that none of the children that qualify for 2 yo funding are autistic nor does it mean they are not having their needs met at home. From the info OP has provided it sounds like she happens to fall into the category of low income so qualifies for the placement but is also a responsive and caring parent. Neither of us can tell if this is true or not from an annoymous forum and my orignal comment was encouraging her to take the nursery place. My worry is that you're assumptions will encourage her to disengage from the HV which i don't think is the best for her or her DD.

@strawberrycustard - Because I don’t think it leads to quality sleep for anyone and it’s more about the parent than the child. I think it leads to exhaustion for both parties in the end, though for sure, I think it’s preferable to allowing a child to play up until the early hours, which a lot of people on here seem to.

We found the opposite we sleep amazingly now we co sleep and everyone is well rested.

I suppose it’s an individual thing but for us it’s been brilliant

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal - Well, quite, and I didn’t say that all funded 2 year olds would go on to get a diagnosis of autism. I said that 1 in 3 of them would be in receipt of SENIF funding - which is a huge amount of money to come out of the public purse on top of the actual cost of the childcare places. And this could be avoided if parents today took a bit more responsibility for their own choices.