15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

What a hard decision! I have the same concerns as you and my son isn't delayed. He is now 20 months and we attend the groups etc. he also has separation anxiety but we are working on that and actually, in environments with other kids and toys after a little while he's off playing. Maybe you can do a extended settling period. I totally get your concerns and it is a hard choice but, coming from this background, I do actually agree that nursery would be the best option. My son does better when I am not around/he is left to his own devices. I'm realising that, while I give him comfort, he's reached an age where I am in his way sometimes and when he's off playing with his cousin, for instance, he's actually really confident and doing things he wouldn't do with me as his playmate. Nursery will also push language acquisition heavily and help lessen the gap for your little one. Its 15 hours a week-3 hours a day? You could do afternoon sessions to still allow you to attend groups? Tough choice op.

OP, I get you. My daughter is 2 and a half. She goes to a specialist nursery just one morning a week due to developmental delay (related to extreme prematurity). She's only just learnt to walk, only says one, sometimes two words, not really all that close to potty training yet etc. We keep getting letters from the local council telling us to register her for childcare but when I follow the instructions online and enter her details, I get the message that funding has been denied (we never applied for funding) with no explanation why and it says their decision is final and can't be appealed... yet they still keep sending out the same bloody letter!

We've registered our daughter at a local pre-school very much off our own backs. She doesn't have a HV (not our choice - we've practically begged) and are desperate to get something in place for her for when she turns 3. Meanwhile I'm a SAHM because she's needed a LOT of additional care since birth and my partner works. I'm expecting another baby in August and trying to fight litigation to find ways round this.

Like you say, having a 2 year old in nursery is optional. You are not legally obliged to send your child anywhere if you don't want to. That said, please consider what they've suggested a little bit in terms of it potentially helping her developmentally. We don't want our daughter's massively behind when they start school, ideally, and little ones can progress massively with just a few hours a week in childcare even though it sounds like you're doing a smashing job with her yourself.

With regards to her weight, her health is at risk here. I acknowledge you say she gets upset when she can't have her milk BUT you either need to reduce the quantity of milk she's having or water it down a tiny bit (increasing slowly over time) so she's still getting the volume without so many calories.

It's hard, and you're doing well.

I've got extensive experience in this , perhaps op has forgotten or not read my previous posts.

Yes I've had time wasted because it's been assumed we don't /didn't read to her, told to go to a library, all the usual stuff.

I have been through this and looking back I'm giving my experience to the op. I've also made it clear that I'm not a fan of putting small non verbal DC into a nursery but when I think that way it's usually about DC who go every day and from early am to late at night.

I was a sahm to my own DC.

I've also said I don't agree with the previous.gllib comments About seperetion anxiety.

I've also said that at 3 there is still time to get balls rolling but it's a fact that it's crucial to get things going asap... whatever support she needs and that with the back up of a nursery and their knowledge of the systems and contact that just may be helpful to op.

Yes we have been watering it down a while now , she also accepts plain water to drink too which previously she didn’t so definitely making progress. Luckily she wasn’t too big and the HV was right to say let’s sort this out asap before she gets bigger as 91centile isn’t awful but not ideal

I don’t agree that nursery is superior to home for preschoolers, so I personally wouldn’t be trying to recreate that experience.

I personally wouldn’t pop a developmentally delayed non verbal child in nursery just to “give it a go” because the results would be appalling in even my very able children. I believe children should grow slowly though so perhaps there is a fundamental difference to my approach. Some children never go to nursery at all. I don’t think they are disadvantaged by that.

Thankyou I really appreciate your input and advice . That actually is a concern as the nursery being suggested is one where some children are full time so dd would be just mornings or afternoons then have to change at 3.

The one we chose for 3 is attached to a school where she would then go and we felt it’s better to not have to settle then change.

Yes I’m worried if it didn’t help that it could actually cause a regression. I need to feel sure she ready and my gut feeling now is that she’s not.
My son went at 2 and he was fine it’s not like I haven’t been here before but he was NT and had only brief separation anxiety at 9-12 months

That actually is a concern as the nursery being suggested is one where some children are full time so dd would be just mornings or afternoons then have to change at 3.

The one we chose for 3 is attached to a school where she would then go and we felt it’s better to not have to settle then change.

She can stay in the nursery until she goes to school if you find that nursery suits her. However I would suggest you look at other nurseries in the local area and don't go on just what the HV says.

Just because a child goes to a particular school nursery doesn't guarantee them an automatic place in the school, and there is a lot of change anyway.

We have a sibling link so she definitely would get a place so we have chosen her nursery already they don’t take children any earlier

personally i did place my developmentally delayed non verbal child in nursery atctwo
And it was very helpful
Also in terms of seeing his needs going forward

So you dont know and you cannot make blanket statements
Nursery suggested to op
It is not a bad idea at all !!
Lots of us have said it was helpful for our dev delayed kids

But by all means say tks but not now

There aren’t really any other choices due to location as there’s only 1 nursery that accepts the funding and due to being a bit remote the others are school ones. Only one childrens centre too but luckily they are very good

This seems a very extreme reaction to a jump of 10 centiles. At two that’s about a kg higher than expect which doesn’t seem to be the whole story. Was it really triggered by the restricted diet?

I think yes probably a combination of the two things . We are tall so she just looks tall and sturdy but I didn’t want to just assume I knew best when she hadn’t had the best diet due to her aversions

I strongly suggest you ask for this to be moved to the SN boards where more of the posters have direct experience.

My DC were all tall, what happens is that people (even professionals) tend to expect them to act the age they look, not their developmental age. If your child is developmentally delayed, speech delayed and other issues around food then this can be compounded.

You don't have to take up the 15 hrs but I would follow up the other suggestions here around sensory assessments, hearing etc and stay open to the nursery option if these assessments suggest nursery would be helpful.

However if you don't have a choice of nurseries to use I would not be taking up a place at one I felt wasn't right for a special needs child.

Genuine question OP.
What will you do when your DD turns 3 if you still feel that she isn’t ready for nursery? Or school when she turns 4?

Presumably OP will cross that bridge when she comes to it?

She says she has a son who went to nursery at 2, and she has already got a particular nursery in mind for when her daughter is 3 (and that doesn't take children any younger).

People on here are accusing the OP of having her own separation anxiety issues, but I think that's an unfair assessment.

I’ll just see how she gets on I think if things look like they may be tricky and/or she gets a diagnosis of any sort I’ll look into support / ehcp

Like loads of parents she might exercise her parental responsibility to do the right thing for her particular child and defer entry or send her child at CSA or part time.

My additional needs child went part time all during reception because they weren’t ready. Absolutely the right decision.

Its not particularly rare to not send your child to nursery or delay school - or at least where we live (city in UK) it isn’t.

Yes I would wonder that too.

There are a lot of people who just have this reflexive idea that small kids are better off in nursery.

But for a child with delays like of the kind you mention, that is not likely to be helpful in itself unless the home environment is inadequate. What might be helpful are real assessments and interventions and you shouldn't have to put a child who isn't ready in an institutional setting to get those things.

Do what you think is right and push for what you need.

Are you suggesting parents should send kids that have delays or other needs that mean school isn't good for them, no matter what? Because that seems to be what you are suggesting.

Nurseries can help you apply for an EHCP before they get to school. The benefit of that is you can choose to send them to a special school or one with a specialist unit attached to it (if needed) when they start school, rather than fighting for it some years down the line and trying to move them then.

You can apply to be assessed for an ehcp without being in nursery. Usually your HV would put in the referral for you or support your request. You literally just fill out forms at the LA (so phone or email them).

Ehcps take a long time, they are not started unless they are in an educational setting usually so delaying starting is delaying that process.

My advice is to make sure your motives aren't about you not wanting to be apart from your dc? Kids especially those with additional needs become our identity, I found it very hard to be just me again, nobody understands what it was like at home when I returned to work.

You can, but the nursery my DD was at did nearly all the forms (knew the best way to phrase things), the necessary observations (so collected the relevant info), had the outside bodies obs done there, did most of the communication with the council in regards to it and she got the EHCP first time.

It would have been a lot harder to do it all myself as I don't have the experience to know what to write in these things.

Ehcps take a long time, they are not started unless they are in an educational setting usually so delaying starting is delaying that process.
this isn’t right. You can apply for an ehcp before you start school/nursery.