15 hrs for 2 yr olds - it’s not compulsory so why am I being pressured ?

[strawberrycustard]

Had a letter through that dd will son be eligible for this. I’m a sahm and quite happy with this and planned to send her when she is 3 to nursery.

However, I’m getting a lot of pressure from Hv especially and one comment from gp.
Dd has some developmental delay, speech delay and a few other issues. She’s happy at home and we go out a lot. I think this is enough but I’m getting told she needs to be in a setting and with early years professionals, apparently they have a way to assess children regularly but i says why can’t the HV do these assessments- what happens with other children not in nursery ?

Dd also a bit overweight as still having a lot of milk in addition to meals (she is quite obsessed and gets upset if not able to have it). Hv is saying nursery will break this cycle.

I asked if the problem possibly could be something like asd surely things like speech therapy etc not nursery would be more helpful. We just don’t know yet what the issues are .

I want to keep her at home, go to the groups we like and follow our own little routine till 3 but I’m getting a lot of pressure I feel like because the offer is there it’s being pushed on me when it’s optional !

I feel like my parenting is being questioned and as if I’m being told nursery is the answer. Dd also has separation anxiety and I don’t think she’s ready yet.

Im not great at asserting myself and not sure what to say to shut this down I’ve been saying we don’t plan to send her till 3 but there’s just so much pressure

OP I've just started Hanen's more than words book. I already had a bit of knowledge of ASN but i am finding this really interesting and I think it could really help you to support your DD yo develop her communication and give you a better understanding of what stage she is at. You could also ask if there are any other supports on offer (we had a lady come to the house to do play sessions 1 to 1 and she was fab but it can be a bit of a postcode lottery).

Just a thought. Best of luck to you and your DD.

They can think whatever they like I will always do what I think is best for my child. I do think dd probably has some sort of SEN. I’m just going to wait and see but there is nothing wrong with my parenting at all. Is it easier to blame parents for developmental delay now and try to discredit them or something rather than listening to parents and keeping an open mind and understanding that parents know their child best

Thankyou

This is my worry - that the environment will be total sensory overload for dd. Even with me sometimes she displays this and I know when to step in to stop her getting overwhelmed or she comes to me but I’m a nursery if she were to be distressed her stress levels will then be elevated for prolonged periods of time and for a potentially neurodiverse child this could be harmful long term

@EYProvider No wonder when 1 in 3 children now have special needs according to their parents
can you tell me where you heard this?😮

Whats the choice of nurseries like where you live?

DS1 was a sensitive boy, prone to sensory overload but we were able to find a quiet Montessori nursery which had around 10-12 children

But even the biggest ones split the kids into small rooms of 4-6

You are clearly dead set against it as an idea but you seem to be reverse engineering reasons why it won’t work rather than taking a proper look at options and seeing if it <could> work

Well it might sound like a lot but if you think take 100 average kids...

5 will have ADHD
10 will be dyslexic
3 will be autistic
7 will have speech and language delays
6 will be registered disabled
2 will be adopted (which often can go hand in hand with additional needs)

Yes there will be some crossover, but that's a third right there.

Just wanted to add to this, please don't worry about this.

My son isn't diagnosed yet but it's very obviously he has autism.

There is no pressure for kids to fit in, they are 2/3 years old it's not like that.

They have adapted loads for him. That's part of the job.

If an activity is maybe too hard/much for him they adjust it for him.

OP I admire your commitment to doing what’s best for your little girl even in the face of the absolutely vile comments you’ve got here.

unfortunately we live in a society where people believe nursery is good for children when in fact it’s better for children to be at home with a primary care giver for as long as possible, and particularly in your case with your DDs challenges.

you’ve come across as assertive and informed here so I hope you can use that with your HV.

@Tigofigo - How can there be a future for any country where one third of the population has SEN? The cost alone of educating children with SEN is phenomenal. LAs pay out an additional £18k a year for 32 hours of 1-1 support. They cannot do this for 1 in 3 children, but that’s the way things are heading.

I’ve had a nursery for 25 years, and it’s only in the last 5 years or so that we have started to see children with all these issues. Some of those issues are parenting issues, and I’m sorry if that offends anyone, but it’s a fact. Parents today get their advice from echo chambers like Mumsnet, where they find like-minded people the same age, and refuse to listen to any opinion they disagree with, including (and especially), the opinion of their own parents. The effect this type of arrogance is having on children is catastrophic.

Are you for real ???!!!!

Do you know how valuable people with SEN are to society ???!!!! I know people with various SEN who are teachers and doctors and a lot work in computing or engineering.

i also know people with disabilities who work in retail and hospitality and they are also valuable members of society.

Id be asking the question where will this country be in future if there are others with similar attitudes to you because that’s where the problem will lie

I PITY the poor parents using your nursery- are you judging their parenting rather than accepting possible SEN ??

@Tigofigo Yep, you'll have offended quite a lot us tbh.
Your pig ignorant and how you've ran a nursery for this long with the attitude you have is beyond me

To get full time 1-1 for a child is a) very rare and b) takes a fight and a heck of a lot of evidence of need. Many more children don’t get the support they need because local authorities make it impossible!

It’s @EYProvider

Apologies @Tigofigo this is meant for @EYProvider

what area are you roughly @EYProvider …… just in case !

Just had a look at some of your other posts @EYProvider - you really don’t believe in SEN do you - you think it is parenting issues or behaviours that just need discipline. I can’t believe you own a nursery with these beliefs its actually really sad for any children imbibed who have genuine SEN and you’ll be judging their Parents and possibly causing trauma trying to discipline asd/adhd/spd etc 😞

*involved

@strawberrycustard - Do you not see that the reason your GP and health visitor want you to send your child to nursery is that they don’t believe she has SEN?

@Sirzy - It’s actually quite easy to get SENIF funding. It has to be or nurseries would not be able to accept funded 2 year olds.

Can you please explain? As I can't make sense of that.

I don’t think that’s the case at all. As much as I have decided to not send her I totally believe that they do consider she might have SEN and probably are genuinely trying to help.

I don’t think much of what @EYProvider thinks it says makes sense. Who would have believed you could run a nursery and not believe in SEN 🤦‍♀️

@strawberrycustard - That’s right. They are trying to help by putting her in a different environment to see if it makes a difference. To see if her delays are being caused by parenting choices in other words.