500k alone at 35, male comments

[Brisjjh]

I’m a single parent and have a house worth circa 500k, with mortgage. It’s not a massive place but nice area.

i get some maintenance but I am on my own so costs generally high.

aibu that men question this? I’ve been on three dates that ended up back at mine (not like that, they were daytime dates) and each one has been intrigued as to how I own the house, that I must have a lot of money. I don’t and it’s depressing!

is this a fair way for them to come across? Am I going for strange men? I don’t think my situation is unusual in the sense that many couples own houses like this by 35 or younger!!

🤨

Stealthy stealth boast if ever I saw one!

Some people have no filter. I was at my male friend’s quite fancy house recently, and a tradesman asked him ‘do you mind if I ask how much you paid for this place’ and he said ‘yeah, I do’.

Don’t bring strange men back to your house, even in the day!

No not at all @ChagSameachDoreen i have barely any money on a daily basis!

I think its quite impressive to have a 500k house at 35. I probably would wonder too but wouldn't ask directly! You're doing something right!

(I am so not at that stage with houses and much older!)

I think it feels uncomfortable as they seem to be digging around a bit and I quite literally have no spare cash as they seem to assume

Why are you telling dates how much your house is worth?

@nomistake im not, it’s only come up if they’ve come back for coffee. Three times

But you aren't part of a couple OP. Getting mortgage is significantly easier if you are and having the money to pay it and the likelihood of access to a deposit (two lifes worth of savings instead of one, two sets of family to contribute if they are, two salaries to massively, massively boost eligibility and income to improve it or pay the bills etc).

If you have your own 500k home in a very gold area and in this climate you're having no issue paying the mortgage and cost of living as sole earner then I'd say you're much better off than large swathes of the country, whether it feels like it or not.

That aside there's no need to justify who you have at your own house and why as an adult though I would tackle the issue by just not inviting anyone there until you've had a few dates with them somewhere else. I'd jokingly correct anyone who assumed I was rich by telling them I had a huge mortgage and making comments about the cost of living. These are strangers and I'd be uncomfortable with them in my home when I lived alone at all,let alone piecing together a picture that they might (in their own minds) be on to a good thing financially.

I don't think I'd date a man I'd just met once who was prying into my finances or asking how I owned my house. Go to a restaurant instead.

So er how do you have a 500k house? Do you have a very good job? Won the lottery?

Would not a woman also wonder?

I may not ask but I'd wonder how you had such a large/expensive house (assume inheritance or high paid career or divorce depending on what I already knew)

Don't bring anyone back to your house until the relationship is much more developed - whatever the reason for the visit! Solved!

Lesson learned then!

stop bringing blokes you barely know to your home.

you have kids who live there, be more responsible. You mention it’s “in the day” like rape only happens at night? No, it happens when there’s an opportunity and if you have only been out with them 3 times, invite them back to yours some awful blokes take that as an entitlement to sex.

I know that sounds preachy but I’m quite a bit older than you and the amount of crazy arse dick heads out there is astonishing

think about it.

day in day out on Mumsnet we have women still with blokes who treat them like shit, or who behave appallingly, but they stick with them…

the guys you’re seeing are so bad that they’ve been thrown back!

so treat everyone like they aren’t all that, take time to get to know people before you work out if they are safe to have in your home.

Yes it’s a mix of getting on the ladder early, and then a 40k boost in deposit from family. I had a good job too but that’s not as it was as had to cut hours.

I think I just struggle with the fact I actually don’t have much money spare, it’s hard. I guess if it doesn’t seem like it on the outside then that’s how you’re judged though

Sounds like you've done ever so well, especially as a single parent. Well done x

It doesn’t matter that you don’t have money spare. If you have a house worth £500k (with at least £40k equity as you’ve said you had this from family) you’re considerably better off than the vast majority of people because you have options. If you really desperately needed to you could downsize to a 1/2 bed depending on the children etc. People will always be nosey about this. I was in the same boat - mortgage free at 32 due to inheritance, able to work part time etc. I found it quite a minefield trying to find someone who either wasn’t judgey or wasn’t after my money….!

Average age of first time buyer in the UK is 34 and the average value of this house is £264,140. So your situation is decidely above average.

Why are you bringing men you’ve just met to your house anyway - I’m not inferring anything, I just don’t understand why you’d bring a stranger to your home?

Well, I certainly wouldn't ask questions about a womans finances in the situation you describe.

Yes thats also true Afterfire. If you're genuinely struggling for cash now you could downsize or release equity surely.
I'd be tempted to keep the house if you're getting by though but ibviously aware that's where the moeny is going. We all make choices etc.

Due to some wise property developing in early adulthood (buying up wrecks and improving to sell), inheritance and a professional-level wage, I live in a mortgage free house with 9 bedrooms. I am a millionaire with several properties, and anyone thinking that is a stealth boast should come and live my life for a week of juggling severely injured body with property developing, business management and home educating one child as a single parent! Money doesn't buy you happiness for sure. My house is a former boutique hotel being converted into flats, and I would never bring dates back here in the early days of forming a relationship. I have had bad experiences with wannabee cocklodgers and gold diggers in the past who assume they can move in for free, or expect me to pay for dinner always. I do a professional job, but I also run rentals and property developing as a second business. I tell potential suitors about the first job early on, but not the second. It impacts the relationship when men think you earn more than them, or have assets greater than theirs. They either get jealous or entitled in my experience. You have done well to get on the housing ladder at a relatively young age, but my advice would be not to discuss your assets with anyone. You could just politely say that you were raised not to discuss money and change the subject.

We live in London and 500k wouldn't even get you a flat so its all relative. Surely it also makes a difference how much your mortgage would be. Like our house is worth 800k but our mortgage is 400k.

Either way if anyone comments on the price of yours house beyond its a lovely place you have, I would advise yo get rid. Complementing your house is nice but discussing how much it costs is rude

Asset rich and cash poor is a thing. It hits many people when they have bought a property and have young children. It is entirely possible in some parts of the country to have a £500k house and an average mortgage. If the house was £300k when the OP bought it and she had a £40K deposit via family then her mortgage wouldn't be that much higher than average. We bought quite a few years ago in London and our LTV is very low now due to a combination of paying down the mortgage and house price rises i.e. our mortgage is much lower than people would assume for the area.