500k alone at 35, male comments

[Brisjjh]

I’m a single parent and have a house worth circa 500k, with mortgage. It’s not a massive place but nice area.

i get some maintenance but I am on my own so costs generally high.

aibu that men question this? I’ve been on three dates that ended up back at mine (not like that, they were daytime dates) and each one has been intrigued as to how I own the house, that I must have a lot of money. I don’t and it’s depressing!

is this a fair way for them to come across? Am I going for strange men? I don’t think my situation is unusual in the sense that many couples own houses like this by 35 or younger!!

Op of course your situation is unusual. Single parent with a 500k house in their mid thirties. Most millennials are still struggling to save a deposit whilst paying extortionate rents.

You need to be careful about dating when you have your own house. A lot of men think it's carte blanche for moving in and taking advantage of you.

That makes barely any sense. ^

Did you see any of these blokes again?

I'm not sure I'd say anything, but I'd definitely wonder how you managed it... That's an awful lot of wealth to accumulate by yourself at a relatively young age. I don't think your dates are strange at all..

I'd probably assume you married some rich bloke then got a nice divorce settlement.

But really, 🤨. How insensitive.

@TheQueensMarmaladeSandwich yeah I base my empathy entirely on how sensible a decision is and aim all blame at the hypothetical victim of a crime whilst applying wild generalisations to entire populations. Seems like a totally reasonable approach to life

The problem you will have forever more now is that you will never really know whether someone truly loves you or whether they just see you as a lifestyle upgrade. It's one of the reasons why young footballers always seem to marry their childhood sweethearts.

The only way out of this is to date men with equal financial assets.

I might just be super cautious being a single parent myself but I really wouldn't be giving your address to random men! That is your child's home. It would be months before I would be giving a bloke my address!

Why would you tell anyone what your house is worth or any of the details about who owns it? Unless you're looking for someone who will charm you into giving it to them?

Please don't bring strange men to your house, daytime or not. That is really unsafe behaviour.
Do you not have cafes in your area? Perhaps not if you live half way up a welsh mountain, in that scabby part of Somerset, in the outskirts of one of the the old industrial Scottish towns Inverkeithing)

Why on earth are you discussing where your house is with your dates - let alone how much it's worth and how much mortgage you don't have left! Sorry but you need to learn to keep your business to yourself otherwise you're opening yourself up for issues and be supporting a member of cocklodgers anonymous very shortly.

In what way?
Simple maths
Say the OP bought the house 5 years ago for £300K funded by a £260K mortgage and £40K deposit from the family

2017
House worth £300K
Mortgage £260K
LTV 86.67%

In the intervening 5 years house prices in the area have risen to £500K (these sorts of increases have happened in the SE and London). In the meantime the OP has been paying her mortgage so lets assume a 15% reduction in the mortgage balance to £221K

2022
House worth £500K
Mortgage £221K
LTV 44.2%

The OP has the same size of mortgage but the size of the mortgage relative to the value of the property has changed drastically. So people meeting the OP for the first time may well assume that she could afford the level of mortgage needed to buy a £500K property and therefore is actually wealthier than she really is. This happens a lot in London where there are areas where many of the longer term residents could not afford to move into the area now.

Stop taking strange men back to your house even in daytime.

problem solved.

It's all relative @Brisjjh

Maybe that is the most recent valuation for your house BUT I bet you didn't pay that when you bought it.

How long have you been in it? How much did you pay and what's your mortgage now with ratio to income?

As you say, you have made some equity along the way by moving, and you have had a good 10%-ish from the parents to help you (based on current value).

Sounds as if you are dating the wrong men! Many men at 35 could be on 380-100K and own a home worth £500K.

One of my DCs is your age and earns well over £100Kpa and could easily buy a house like that on their own.

Haha! I'd be curious as well!

Seriously though, just be careful inviting basically-strangers back to your home after one date... I'm sure they're fine, but you hear horror stories. Personally, I'm not sure I'd want a bunch of random men knowing where I lived, and that I lived there alone. Just be cautious OP.

You didn't pay £500K though OP unless you moved in last week.

And I guess your £500K value is supposition (or a zoopla search!) rather than a recent true valuation.

House prices in my area have gone up by at least 10% annually for some time.

But more to the point, why are men you are dating discussing the value of your house?

In London you'd struggle to get a 1 bed flat for £500K in Zone 1, so it's all pretty meaningless.

Stop bringing them back for coffee, daytime or not. You're putting yourself at risk. They don't need to know where live, let alone you then bring them back with you. You don't know these men and you don't know who they know and/or if they're trustworthy and honest.

Stop inviting men back to your house?

Simple solution.

Why don't you go to their house (houses) instead?

Total stealth boast.

Why would you bring strange (aka new) men back to your house ? Daytime or otherwise ........

Great post @MzHz .

You need to date men earning 6 figure incomes then they won't bat an eyelid when they see your house!

Seriously, you have made money from your ex, because he's paying something for your child, you may (you've not said) got equity from a previous jointly-owned home, and you have had some money given to you.

I think you need to be more honest about your income, your deposit, (and where it came from) if this was a jointly owned home and you were bought out or whatever, because otherwise it does come over a stealth boast.

I could say I lived in a house worth £850K (I do) but it was bought 25 years ago.

There’s nothing like coming in MN to share your doubt about a questionable behaviour to be then exposed to the same questionable behaviour by MN community. It’s none of your business how the OP got the house and she didn’t ask for advice on her dating behaviour. Jesus.
OP you’ve clearly done something right for yourself. Enjoy and don’t feel the need to explain yourself to anyone or accept completely unsolicited advice.

I’m not going to judge you for bringing men back; it’s your life. (@TheQueensMarmaladeSandwich , what a fucking despicable comment)

However boo fucking hoo is all I can say. You’ve got a secure place to live. With all due respect, you need to politely say ‘none of your business’ and shut it down. Get a bit of a thicker skin. You are so incredibly lucky. I’m getting sweet FA from my family, ever. Count your blessings, please.