500k alone at 35, male comments

[Brisjjh]

I’m a single parent and have a house worth circa 500k, with mortgage. It’s not a massive place but nice area.

i get some maintenance but I am on my own so costs generally high.

aibu that men question this? I’ve been on three dates that ended up back at mine (not like that, they were daytime dates) and each one has been intrigued as to how I own the house, that I must have a lot of money. I don’t and it’s depressing!

is this a fair way for them to come across? Am I going for strange men? I don’t think my situation is unusual in the sense that many couples own houses like this by 35 or younger!!

I don't think you're giving all the information. Even if it has £200k of equity, that's still a huge mortgage to pay on your own as a single mum. I think I'd ask the question too, if I was them.

Both parties to that conversation were a bit silly. The tradesman could have looked it up anytime on the likes of rightmove, and the owner should have known that and just told him! House prices are not secret!

It is weird you tell men who you dont know and have net once, where you live.

I would think you'd done v well financially to afford that on your own at that age.

I'm 46 and know a couple of friends who own homes in that price bracket - but they are couples with one both in well paid jobs.

My friends who are single parents are in cheaper properties.

Our house, a big 4 bed, is worth probably about £450 but if we divorced, I'd move somewhere cheaper. The cost of running a large house is high and I couldn't afford it on my own.

So I agree I'd think you must have a vg source of income,but it's noone's business!

*I know that sounds preachy but I’m quite a bit older than you and the amount of crazy arse dick heads out there is astonishing

think about it.

day in day out on Mumsnet we have women still with blokes who treat them like shit, or who behave appallingly, but they stick with them*

and day in day out we be correcting women who tell them their dh/partner is being reasonable and they are being the unreasonable ones. You appear to have some misandry issues going on.

Surely it’s her job/general circumstances and not her sex that makes it intriguing?
If I dated someone who was always skint, and they took me back to a 500K house I’d also be intrigued.

Of course its rude to dig, and keep digging. But I don’t think it’s sexist to wonder.

I have to say that when I saw the thread title I immediately thought you were travelling 500k miles somewhere!

I was the same, (am much older now though...) bought my first house for 23k and it is now worth upwards of 30 times that. I struggled to get a mortgage as a single woman back then but did it. Bought in the best area I could afford with beg steal and borrow and family helped with Stamp Duty and legal fees. I have never left it since. I hit the jackpot first time around, but I was lucky I didn't have to move for work or financial reasons since. I am still single, but played the field too! Indeed many dates were puzzled as to how I owned such a property on my own, but I just smiled and said "hard work".

Am I missing something? You don’t own a £500k house, you’ve got a relatively small amount of equity in it and a huge amount of debt! Are the men commenting assuming you’re mortgage free?

I have had to beg friends not to divulge to male acquaintances where my home actually is and have set Facebook to deliberately show my location as a different but nearby village to preserve my safe space

christ you sound a bit paranoid and ott, if any male acquaintance wanted so bad to know where you lived he could easily do so by following you home or getting a pvt detective.

I'd understand if you didn't want your address known to complete strangers on the internet but what type of circles do you run in where you are worried of your acquaintances tracking you down???

*Surely it’s her job/general circumstances and not her sex that makes it intriguing?
If I dated someone who was always skint, and they took me back to a 500K house I’d also be intrigued.

Of course its rude to dig, and keep digging. But I don’t think it’s sexist to wonder*

this. I am 36 and know not 1 man around my age who could afford a 500k property all by himself. I can't think of any man that age who has one and I'd also be intrigued if any man that age was buying one. I wouldn't ask ofcourse but to say it's sexist is rubbish.

I’m a female and I’d question it too!
As a single parent I can’t afford anywhere near that figure so I’d be very interested.

You must know these men quite well for them to be coming to your home so I don’t think it’s cheeky asking your friend how they did something successfully.

If you’re struggling financially though can you not downsize?

I think you may be right. Are the men you are dating concerned you may be expecting financial support from them if they enter into a relationship with you, given that you appear to have little disposable income?

It's because they think you're a woman, so you must have some rich sugar-daddy tucked away in the background somewhere, because you couldn't afford it otherwise. Misogyny at its finest.

My advice is to be very cautious about who you date and not to get involved with a man who will be financially in a worse situation than yourself. You leave yourself and your kids otherwise in a financially vulnerable situation should the relationship get serious and progress.]

love to see how your advice go down here by flipping the genders.

It's because they think you're a woman, so you must have some rich sugar-daddy tucked away in the background somewhere, because you couldn't afford it otherwise. Misogyny at its finest

no it's not, I don't know how old you are or how clued in you to the housing market but do you actually know any single men of 35 who own a 500k house? It's highly uncommon these days for either gender-that's why it raises questions.

It's a bit rude of them to ask. I know plenty of younger people who own houses. I'd assume other people assume that they have had help with deposits by parents or inheritances. It's a very normal situation.

Our neighbours bought their house for £300k 6 years ago and sold it recently for over £500k. It isn't beyond the realms of possibility that house prices have risen this much.

When nosey fuckers ask me about my set up or finances I simile and ask back "why do you want to to know?"
Stops them in their tracks and they normally mumble something like "oh I was just interested, making conversation.."
To which I respond "oh, fair enough, not sure we're anywhere digging into each other's finances, are you?".

Hold the smile and eye contact. Let them feel uncomfortable for a bit.
They'll not go there again I promise you

I know plenty of younger people who own houses. I'd assume other people assume that they have had help with deposits by parents or inheritances. It's a very normal situation

you know plenty of single 35 yo olds parents with a 500k house? Difference between a bog standard house in the sticks and a 500k one in a prime area.

Haven't rtft but on skimming (WHY is everything on five pages now, MN? grrrr) I don't know if anyone has pointed out that a lot of men in the dating pool are very alive to how materially comfortable women are and how they might latch onto that. They're telling you they've noticed your nice house. Have a good think about why.

I doubt that they know the actual value of the house though? Just that it’s in a ‘nice area’ and so expensive

Unless it’s one of those places that has only recently seen a huge increase

Tell them you rent from family OP.
Problem solved.

I don't go on dates but I'm often questioned about how I own my own home in a nice area as a single parent. I feel like I need to justify it often to friends, colleagues, acquaintances but am trying to stop myself and just be quietly proud of what I've achieved.

We should be more open about money. It's not a guility secret. Can look it up if he cares that much.

@SurfBox In the SE and London especially, I know several men and women in their mid 30s who could afford a £500K house on their own.

They all have masters degrees, work in IT, investment banking, data, commerce, and the law, and earn well over £100Kpa often with good annual bonuses.
It's not the same in the north, but in London and the commuter belt it's not unusual.

Law grads are starting on almost £90K and investment bankers are earning shedloads in their 20s.

The difference is though that for £500K they could barely find anything in Zone 1, so face an expensive commute.