DH thinks I was rude but I disagree

[OvOvO]

At our local pub my usual tipple is rose wine. Almost every time we go they want to flog us the bottle and I always say no thanks.
I tend to have a large glass to start and then a couple of small ones with ice & soda to 'tip in'
Anyway today they tried to push the bottle and as usual I said no thanks to which the lass helping out behind the bar ( not even staff) said "do you know just how much wine you drink? You would save money by buying the bottle "
I replied "judgmental much?"

This.

She phrased it a bit strangely, but there's a difference in
"Do you know just how much wine you drink?" In isolation and "Do you know just how much wine you drink, buying the bottle could be cheaper"

One is more likely to be a judgement, the other is an attempt at customer service - saving the customer money.

Probably better if phrased "Do you know how much you will drink as buying the bottle might be cheaper?" Though I suspect that OP and a few others would still have had a problem with that and assumed that the bar staff/person was having a dig. I said in a previous post and I'll say again - most bar staff could not care less about your drinking habits unless there's a problem and they could be liable for serving you, you're really not that important that they'd give how much you drink and how often that much thought. She may have even said it and you misheard - and that's why your husband thinks you were rude.

But you, and many others have jumped straight to insisting she was judging and disapproving of you for what you drink - if she was disapproving, why offer you a bottle, which means you, as pointed out so many times, would actually be drinking more? It makes no sense.

And as she was helping out, so I assume not a regular member of staff, she maybe doesn't know you refuse the bottle each time. Service staff don't have a hive mind, new or infrequent staff may well ask regular customers questions they've been asked a hundred times, because they don't live behind the bar and automatically know each customers preference as soon as they look at them. Or they may be told to offer, regardless of how many times they've asked before, anyone ordering more than one glass or indicating they're staying a while where I work is offered the bottle on the strength of it being cheaper and then better for the pocket - and that's an expectation of customers that they get a good deal and value for money.

But service staff are often treated this way if a customer has a hang up about something or is having a bad day, we all know we can take it out on them, and not have any comeback, and even get apologised to because 'The customer is always right' it doesn't matter if they're rude, unreasonable or downright abusive, because of that little saying, it validates just about any behaviour that the customer feels like exhibiting.

But the staff member wasn't just 'being helpful' and helping the OP to save money. The OP had already had it pointed out that it would be cheaper to buy a bottle and had said that she preferred to buy by the glass. The staff member was rude because not only would she not accept the customer's stated preference, but she brought the level of drinking by the customer into the discussion in order to press her point.

Good customer service: pointing out a better deal.
Poor customer service: refusing to accept that the customer preferred the worse deal.
Rudeness: passing judgement on the customer's consumption in order to try to 'win' the argument.

The staff member became rude and the customer was perfectly right to object.

Sorry new to it and confused by all those abbreviations . Who exactly are: DD DH and a few others. Help!

It's not all about money though, is it?

I'm well aware it might cost me more at my local to buy 3 medium glasses rather than a bottle. I'm not thick. I don't want a full bottle because I would rather not drink that much. My health is more important to me than value for money. It's the same reason I often buy those mini bottles of wine for home - I know they're poor value for money. I know I could get a full bottle for less than the price of two mini ones. But I don't want to open a whole bottle every time I fancy a glass of wine. I want to just enjoy the one glass with a meal. I'm happy to pay for the convenience and the health benefit.

Maybe OP is the same?

Darling daughter, darling husband

There used to be a list of abbreviations but I'm fucked if I can find where it is since the site changed

Against popular opinion you were not rude. If the bottle doesn't come with a wine bucket full of ice why would anyone want a warm glass of rosé? If you want one glass or two and end up paying a few dollars more than a whole bottle, what has that got to do with anyone but you? The assumption that you don't know what a glass/bottle costs... YES! Judgmental much would be my response too 🍾

Your response was justified OP. You are a regular. They always try to get you to buy a full bottle of wine rather than buy it by the glass. You always say no. They tot up how much you drink / spend and still try it on with the bottle thing, assuming that you are being a bit dense. I’d have told her to mind her own business.

YABU though for frequenting a pub that doesn’t even do ice buckets 😉

Seems pretty simple that you both made valid points but delivered in offensive manners.

she could have said “would you prefer a bottle to save money?”

Or OP could have said “what do you mean exactly?” To allow her to explain her intention more politely.

however, if she was a non-native English speaker honestly I would have brushed it off completely. Can’t take grammar or translation slips personally.

Firstly they weren’t judging you, because what you drink is not excessive compared to other people. If you drank almost two bottles then she might be inclined to think you drink too much! Maybe the manager insists the staff try to sell bottles rather than glasses… it sounds like they have to throw the rest away so are not making a profit on it.

I agree with you OP. They are up selling and she was rude with the comment she made. It's a pub not Tesco, they serve drinks individually. Warm wine.. no thanks.

What confuses me most is how someone who is never normally there would have a clue what you usually drink?