DH thinks I was rude but I disagree

[OvOvO]

At our local pub my usual tipple is rose wine. Almost every time we go they want to flog us the bottle and I always say no thanks.
I tend to have a large glass to start and then a couple of small ones with ice & soda to 'tip in'
Anyway today they tried to push the bottle and as usual I said no thanks to which the lass helping out behind the bar ( not even staff) said "do you know just how much wine you drink? You would save money by buying the bottle "
I replied "judgmental much?"

She was rude. You were rude.

Why didn't you just say no thanks, instead of being equally rude back? She obviously touched a nerve and you obviously drink too much. You can't compare someone who drinks gin with being offered the entire bottle of gin because they drink more than one or two measures on a night out.

How rude she was indeed

Emmetgirl.we can choose what we want to drink and don't need some untrained person criticising our choices!

You were rude, as someone who’s worked in a bar myself, she would have been genuinely trying to save you the money especially if it’s your local!

Of course you were rude - how could you not know? I mean, she was rude too if those were her exact words but you didn't have to rise to it.

I can’t believe that a bottle would cost less than a small and a large.

a bottle of wine is normally the price of 2.5 LARGE glasses.

if that’s the case you were not rude. She is for relentlessly trying to up sell.

She was probably only trying to save you money and have a bit of fun, perhaps she expressed herself a little awkwardly. Your response was unnecessary.

I think the confusion about prices has arisen because in the opening post OP says
I tend to have a large glass to start and then a couple of small ones with ice & soda to 'tip in'
However, when justifying the expenditure which seems more than the cost of a bottle, OP then says
^250 ml glass is 6.50
125 ml glass is 3.35 x 2 = 6.70
Bar bill = 13.30^
Which is specifically "a couple" of small ones. I can now see that it would be marginally cheaper to buy 2x 250ml to start with, but not to buy a whole bottle.

And you state you add ice yourself.

So you drink wine with soda and ice ( free) but complain that if you buy a bottle no ice bucket is provided. I drink the same, order a bottle, a pint of soda and ice and mix as and when. Any wine left 🤣 we take home. Easy. You were rude.

I don't care that she was only helping out behind the bar, it is absolutely NOT the place of service staff to comment on a customer's drinking in any way unless said customer is drunk to the point of causing problems to staff or other customers. Sure, you could have expressed your, fully understandable, outrage at her unsolicited and unwarranted, rude observation but I, for one, don't blame you for not pausing to adjust your reaction to a more reasonable level under the circumstances.

’they don't provide an ice bucket so I would be effectively drinking warm wine and saving 50p’

Buy the bottle and ask them to keep it in the fridge.

Better yet find a pub where the wine is served properly. In an ice bucket or cooler.

You weren’t out of order at all. It’s entirely up to you how you wish to order your drinks. To ask once is fine but to then push the issue is rude. You don’t even drink a whole bottle.

I agree. She shouldn’t be saying to someone “do you know just how much wine you drink”. They are there to serve you with what you want to buy, they have no right to get weird when you say no thank you to a purchase you don’t want.

Yes to this.
I came to this thread too late to see the deleted messages from OP and so am unable to ascertain just how rude she became on here but I must admit that I find the sometimes unbelievably low level of reading comprehension amongst many Mumsnetters frustrating at the best of times. 🙄😚

A lot depends on context and tone. I doubt she intended to be rude as what would be the point of being rude to you and trying to save you money at the same time?! Does sound like she was just trying to save you money and she was probably right. I think you were rude but likely because you took what she said the wrong way. But how much does any of this really matter?! I really like the SUMO guy’s seven questions for helping me decide how upset it’s really worth getting over something:
www.thesumoguy.com/portfolio/7-questions-s-u-m-o-cartoons/

If OP usually drinks enough glasses that it's a bottle, then it would be saving money to get the bottle. But she drinks less and so the bartender is not being kind, they are upselling. Having said all that, both bartender and OP were rude.

Your expression "wasn't even staff" says a lot about you, in a bad way.

Sorry but I've got to agree with the majority, you were rude.

If you are in enjoying some drinks with whoever it would be weird that you get a bottle of wine to drink as and when you want but your friends have to keep going back for a beer/gin, etc. So I get it, you don't want a bottle even if it is cheaper, they should let you order what you want! ...or buy the wine but tell them to keep it and make up each drink as you want it...new glass....soda...ice...whatever! Or find a new pub!

I'm with @OvOvO here.

I'm sorry I don't believe all of these suddenly mellow mumsnetters that wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that someone was calling them an alcoholic when someone says to them do you know just how much wine you drink? And assuming the OP doesn't have her reasons for ordering the way she does? I also wouldn't like to order white or rose by the bottle if I wasn't guaranteed an ice bucket.

Why?

Ohhhhh....so OP isn't allowed to be snotty in person, but online it's ok?

Gotcha.

Sounds like she was being helpful....afraid you did sound rude. I would certainly have bitten if someone spoke to me like that.