She brought our desserts to the table and placed them in front of us.. and then...

[Bunty55]

the waitress placed my spoon into my custard.
I was miffed.

I am 67, just had my birthday. I am the same as I ever was, same face, same figure, same vitality. The only thing that is different about me is the colour of my hair. I quit dyeing it two years ago and it is now silver.

I have noticed that I am sort of becoming invisible in a way I never imagined, and both my daughter and I think it is because of my hair.
Everyone at the table noticed what she did and were gobsmacked. I had to fish the spoon out and wipe it down since half of the handle was covered in bloody custard.
I would not even do that to my grandchildren !
I like my hair colour, but I do not like being treated as if I am in need of help.
Luckily, she did not offer to feed me :(

Honestly, you should have said an immediate and affronted ‘excuse me?!?!?’. I bet she did it without thinking and would have apologised, and you would have felt better and you would all have laughed it off.

We women need to be more assertive and less nice, as it costs us.

Mummy cutted up my pear and putted my spoony in my tubby-custard.

Rather than catastrophising/never going back/not leaving a tip/roundhouse kicking the woman in the face like Terry Silver, you could have just said can I have a new spoon if yours was unusable due to being placed in a bowl of custard.

Could she have seen how you had dealt with a knife and fork? 😃

OP

It was a mistake on the waitress's part.

She wouldn't have time to make you look old gestures to all ladies over 60.

I'm 67.

I agree with those who suggest she just slipped into 'mum mode' and a custardy pudding probably triggered that!

Out of interest what age was the waitress?

Mrs Ethel wasn't been patronising at all, she asked for opinions and I gave mine as high anxiety and overthinking is part of menopause and hrt is great. 65 is not that old to be honest and the waitress probably just flustered dealing with a large table and if it was an issue I would have said to the waitress there and then instead of making a big drama out of it and saying will never go there again. No talk about having a great night and her memories will be about the bloody custard and spoon. You seem highly strung yourself.

You're overthinking this due to your own insecurities.

Why would I be lapping it up like a cat?

Why would the first spoon have contaminated the custard, but not the second?
They'll both have been handled by staff.

you could have just said can I have a new spoon if yours was unusable due to being placed in a bowl of custard
And then placed it in a bowl of custard.

I think the waitress probably absent-mindedly put the spoon in your custard. She may have been distracted by about 101 different issues at home or at work. The idea that it had to do with her perception of your age (especially if you thought that was based on your hair colour) seems ludicrous to me, frankly.

Also, I have entirely silver hair and will be 69 this month, have loads of wrinkles - and still get gently flirted with by waiters who are clearly just being friendly - no serious intent - so I'm pretty sure even if someone assumed you were "old" they wouldn't deliberately treat you like you were incompetent.

So you didn’t have to put a spoon in it. Spoons in custard are obviously problematic to you.

No, other people putting spoons in my dishes is problematic for me.

And it seems reading comprehension is problematic for some.

@Johnnysgirl

Yes that’s what I was saying.

I was making the point that its odd to think purring a dessert spoon in dessert contaminates it.

I know, sorry. It's just so bloody ludicrous

Purring – see, lapping the custard like a cat IS the solution!

Oh it’s ok 😂 I just never understand why people on mumsnet seem incapable of coping with normal everyday things. If my whole day was spoiled a spoon in my dessert I’d never have a food day.

I can't believe you have custard with sticky toffee. Ice cream is the only acceptable choice 😁

😂 I meant putting! Maybe that is the problem though. OP loves licking the custard right out the bowl and the spoon kept bumping her face.

If it turned into a joke, fine. And I agree women should be assertive. But I'm not sure giving other, younger women, who are in the position of serving us, a telling off for such a trivial thing strikes quite the right blow for the cause.

No I didn't complain. I think maybe I should have. It spoiled a nice time and we won't be going back.

Oh for goodness sake!! She probably just had one of those "moments" we all have (I've just put powder for a drink into my porridge bowl instead of a glass). You are totally overreacting, and, dare I say it, you sound like hard work!

Because apparently having a spoon put in it is some kind of insult.

And I agree women should be assertive.
I agree too, but this situation didn't remotely call for anyone to stand up for themselves.
It was a fecking misplaced spoon.

When I used to work on the checkouts in a supermarket I picked up a customer’s strawberry milk, and gave it a vigorous shake.

The lady looked at me as though I was a psychopath.

I did it without thinking as I drank the same brand, and at home always gave it a shake when taking it out of the fridge as it settles out.

People do strange things. Our brains are bizarre squishy analogue computers dominated by heuristics and operating through a spinal cord designed to do its own thing through reflexes. It’s generally best to try not to read too much into someone doing something a bit quirky.

There’s a mentalist on another thread accusing me of being an antisemite because I couldn’t see a Jewish angle in the Heard / Depp trial. People are strange.