She brought our desserts to the table and placed them in front of us.. and then...

[Bunty55]

the waitress placed my spoon into my custard.
I was miffed.

I am 67, just had my birthday. I am the same as I ever was, same face, same figure, same vitality. The only thing that is different about me is the colour of my hair. I quit dyeing it two years ago and it is now silver.

I have noticed that I am sort of becoming invisible in a way I never imagined, and both my daughter and I think it is because of my hair.
Everyone at the table noticed what she did and were gobsmacked. I had to fish the spoon out and wipe it down since half of the handle was covered in bloody custard.
I would not even do that to my grandchildren !
I like my hair colour, but I do not like being treated as if I am in need of help.
Luckily, she did not offer to feed me :(

No one is going to assume a 67 year old woman needs help from a waitress to place a spoon in a pudding bowl. No one. Workplaces are full of women in that age bracket and people do not pervieve them as elderly or incapable.
Why she did it, who knows? But your assumption is probably the least likely.
Your family are either teasing you, or are using it as a way of telling you they don't like your grey hair.

Especially one who claims she looks exactly like she always did - face, figure, etc, bar the grey hair.
So, according to her, doesn't look her age at all...

I'm not surprised the Op was miffed.
Its pretty crap service etiquette!

I wouldn't tip, and I would request a new spoon not covered in custard.

Im also guessing she lapsed into Mum mode.

I honestly opened this thinking that she helped herself to a taste or something!

I would have asked for a fresh custard, no one has a business sticking spoons in my custard but me.

also what’s that mum mode nonsense? Why would a mum put a spoon in a custard, or soup or whatever?

Why would you need fresh custard because it’s had a spoon it it? What would you do with the fresh custard, lap it like a cat?

This is batshit.

This really ruined the time at the restaurant for you OP? What a sheltered life you must live if this is such a terrible thing for you.

This thread has given me a right laugh

Honestly I wouldn’t have cared at all - I’d think it was odd but put it down to her being busy and tired. At least she didn’t try to cut it up for you!

I once went to a posh London gentleman’s club as the guest of an ancient professor I used to know. The waiters there cut up his fish and picked the bones out. But I wasn’t sure if it was because he was old or if they did that for everyone.

I’ve done the mum thing with colleagues too. I shouted “look! Horsies!”

This is like one of those "what did your toddler melt down about today" threadse

The OPs 'lived experience' was of a waitress putting a spoon in her custard. No one has said this didn't happen. People are merely questioning her interpretation of the reason for this. Its not denying ageism exists to accept that not everything one experience after a certain age is because of it.

Lol this is spot on!

Op I understand how it bothered you - whatever the reasons. It was a family meal that you were looking forward to. Picking up a stranger’s cutlery and placing it in their food is a boundary crossed. You don’t mess with other s food!! Probably best not to dwell on the reasons why and what that means to you personally though 😊

Well exactly, surely OP would have just done it anyway. All worked up over a spoon...

Thank you for your politely expressed and well thought out observation!

What possible problem would there be? It from “beyond the palisade”.

It's an English / Irish thing, actually.
The parts of Ireland outside English control (the Pale) were deemed to be full of uncivilised savages.
It's a problematic expression for some.

Deemed by the English, I should have said.

I just think she is not trained properly as a waitress and was probably flustered and put the spoon in without thinking. You are over thinking completely and considering not going back to a restaurant because of that is madness. Are you in peri or menopause, hrt great for anxiety and overthinking. I wouldn't have been bothered, sure aren't you going to put the spoon into the custard anyway.

We often do that in our family eg I'll put the spoon in my partner's dessert or yoghurt before I bring it over and he mine, and different family etiquettes will be different.

But.

In a restaurant this was incredibly rude and quite possibly was because of your appearance and perceived age, even if done without thought (due to unconscious bias). YANBU.

Are you in peri or menopause, hrt great for anxiety and overthinking.

Well this is patronising crap, isn't it? Do you ask this every time a woman is annoyed about something?

Oh come on, don't play dumb....! You know exactly what OP means

Odd behaviour from the waitress.

So are you worried that you look old enough to warrant someone infantilising you in the way younger people do to elderly people? Or is this purely about her being patronising?