She brought our desserts to the table and placed them in front of us.. and then...

[Bunty55]

the waitress placed my spoon into my custard.
I was miffed.

I am 67, just had my birthday. I am the same as I ever was, same face, same figure, same vitality. The only thing that is different about me is the colour of my hair. I quit dyeing it two years ago and it is now silver.

I have noticed that I am sort of becoming invisible in a way I never imagined, and both my daughter and I think it is because of my hair.
Everyone at the table noticed what she did and were gobsmacked. I had to fish the spoon out and wipe it down since half of the handle was covered in bloody custard.
I would not even do that to my grandchildren !
I like my hair colour, but I do not like being treated as if I am in need of help.
Luckily, she did not offer to feed me :(

Isn't it wonderful when people dismiss others lived experience.

What is a "lived experience" when it's home? Surely all experience is something we live through.

Had my hair bleached platinum at about the age when I was noticably no spring chicken any more. One day my mothers care team arrived and the new carer made a beeline for me. I had to explain that I was (40s) not old enough to need her, and my mum was in the bedroom. Guess I am lucky I was not put on the toilet! Went back to a darker blonde over lockdown and do notice the difference, but I loved my silver hair!

Plenty of people saying it’s not her age are similar grey haired old ladies - including me. I’m not fucking invisible, I put a lot of effort into not being!

Let’s hope they don’t read this thread as they’ll be coming up with a lot more if they do.

I am 51 and have not become invisible- I am treated the same as I always was.

Unless I was/am invisible all along so see no difference.

I’m hungry.

Im 59 and people have started “helping” me - I could bloody strangle them.

I'm with you , I would be a bit miffed , no one has ever put cutlery in my food for me in a restaurant .

At the table?! Surely nobody is cutting up your food for you?

I can't see any reasonable connection between grey hair and spoon placed in custard?

OMG you're having a tantrum because a waitress put a spoon in your dessert?

Have a word with yourself.

Best will in the world at 67 you won't look exactly like you did at 27 , i dont at 47 so your hair is not only thing that makes your age apparent, which you seem to totally be saying is the only reason
I think your reading way to much into this and prob done without thinking

I’m 69 and nobody’s ever “helped” me. Where am I going wrong?

OP, if you're feeling invisible because a waitress stuck a spoon in your custard, perhaps you could raise your profile?

How about joining OnlyFlans?

<< Grabs coat >>

It has nothing to do with your hair.... I mean this in the nicest possible way but get over yourself. It was clearly something she more than likely did without thinking. Not a big deal.

It's OPs family who have done that, not the waitress. Take issue with them!

The waitress just put a spoon down. The family made it about age.

I was walking to lunch with my area manager and pointed at a bird and practically shouted with excitement “look at that big burst”.

“Birdy” not burst!

100% this. I can only assume OP took this po-faced attitude to the table with her, and the waitress was in such haste to get away she dropped the spoon in the custard as she fled.

No tip for her. Can't say I would get too worked up though.

Bizarre behaviour by waiting staff.

I have never seen such a thing - not dining with my small kids, work contacts, friends or my 90 yo Mum.

I would have been very taken aback - but not necessarily inferred that it was due to age / hair colour! Unless she said 'there you go dearie' as she did it?

Anyway - I bet you look fab.

Is no one going to comment that 'beyond the pale' is unacceptable?
Is this even Mumsnet

This. I'm so happy I don't work in hospitality. I would lose my mind.

I've seen MNHQ use that very expression and deny there was any problem, tbh.