Friends invited people we dislike on our holiday

[EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches]

We are going on a group holiday, four couples. All good friends. We booked a villa to share in Italy for a long weekend.

When deciding who should come, Couple A suggested we invite X. Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met. For some reason Couple A are friendly with X, but no one else is. We have been adults and just not invited X to our own dinner parties etc.

After booking flights, hotels etc it seems Couple A have invited couple X to stay in the same city as us as when we are there. There is no room in our villa, but they would obviously expect to come along to dinner or trips planned.

We are absolutely furious. We really really do not want to spend any time with X, let alone our holiday!

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

Group holidays are great in theory, even with people you like.

I'd be cancelling.

my off topic contribution,
Why are you going on holiday with other couples? Like- Yes, go to the same hotel, or same island/ resort, by why share a villa?
Are you needing help with something? Are you family? Are you swingers?

Totally mindblower !

ps- I would go along - and tell couple A that they can socialise with X but thats not what you have chosen. DOnt have a fall out and ruin it for everyone

Unless you think you're alll unfair and been unkind in dismissing X.. and think you should all give it a go for one night.Maybe X really wants to make it up with you and A is trying to be an intermediary
Maybe you are all adults and can live and let live a little. Find a compromise

We get you dont like X but it isn't necessarily worth getting all stressed about

it is however your holiday, so make sure you have a couple of days with no A or X
then see if its worth giving A and X a chance to clear the air and for you all to bend a bit, Maybe you can alll leave the holiday with your heads held high and no bitternesss then

my off topic contribution, Why are you going on holiday with other couples? Like- Yes, go to the same hotel, or same island/ resort, by why share a villa? Are you needing help with something? Are you family? Are you swingers? Totally mindblower !

FFS, really? People going away with their actual friends is a ‘mindblower’?

Wait until you find out that some people actually live in houseshares with friends. You’ll hyperventilate.

@Foggydayz I agree with everything you said including your practical solutions. DH and I are well suited and share lots of interests or give and take where we differ. And we do differ because we are individuals.

We enjoy our holidays and are happy to meet friends who happen to be in the same place. But now I am no longer single or at school or in the Brownies I'd never arrange to stay with people for more than a couple of days because I know they'd get on my nerves in that situation and I accept that I'd try their patience too. I learned that from the experience of sharing an apartment for two weeks with someone I'd previously thought of as a good friend. I'm sure she thought the same of me before that holiday. How wrong we both were.

That's not weird or antisocial, just honest and pragmatic. I know I would not enjoy myself. Other people would love that kind of holiday but the trouble OP is having with the idea of possibly meeting people she doesn't like who aren't even staying under the same roof shows how tricky it can be. It also suggests to me that she is intolerant and unimaginative. If couple A like X that is their prerogative and she has no right to interfere in their friendship. But it doesn't mean she has to spend any time with them. She can just wish them well and drive off. I'm assuming she has her own hire car or good public transport. One of the lessons everyone should learn is to never rely on people for lifts.

It's not remotely the same as sharing flats with people which I've also done. I try to learn from all my experiences and I'd say that sharing a holiday apartment and sharing a flat are different experiences. Mainly it's that however awful the holiday is it only lasts about two weeks. Flatshares with the wrong people take longer to get out of so after the first bad experience you should try to choose more carefully.

@Foggydayz

my off topic contribution,
Why are you going on holiday with other couples? Like- Yes, go to the same hotel, or same island/ resort, by why share a villa?
Are you needing help with something? Are you family? Are you swingers?

Totally mindblower !

I am going to take a punt that you have never been in the market to rent a top end villa?

we did with friends three years ago. £8k for 7 nights. Jaw dropping villa, overlooking the sea with infinity pool.

it was absolutely best holiday i have ever had. Wonderful friends, each couple had a suite.

Each couple wouldn’t have stretched to £8k for accommodation only for a week but split between three couples, all of whom very good old friends - it seemed like a bargain

We too had a truly wonderful holiday a few years ago with two other couples plus adult offspring, plus their partners. There were 12 of us in all.
It worked so well as we all agreed at the outset that we would not be joined at the hip, anyone could go off and do their own thing whenever they wanted and no one would be put out in the slightest. We generally breakfasted together but it wasn't obligatory.
After that, some of us headed to the pool, others went for a walk or shopping or even on all-day trips. And not generally as 'couples'.
We had separate hire cars which is necessary in these circumstances. And the villa was large with lots of little niches and corners where you could sit, read, sunbathe etc as well as a really decent sized pool. It was glorious.

Was it actually in the north of Cyprus?

This crossed my mind too. What a result!

No way I’d cancel and lose money. But then I wouldn’t have booked to go away with other people in the first place.

Time off is precious and there is no way I would spend it around people I dislike.

I really want to know how this turns out though so I hope OP comes back with more details.

Of course- house shares can work brilliantly, as a student or young person. Once you're in couples though, it makes no sense because somebody has a girlfriend that spends too long doing her insta makeup and somebody has a boyfriend who is always drunk and doesnt help out. And is blind to his woman being upset, and everyone else can see she is and waiting for it to bubble over.

The whole reason why people get out of flat shares as soon as they can! Why recreate it on holiday?

I think family is different, especially grandparents and grandkids... but how many holiday moans are on mumsnet where people are texting how miserable it is being with DH boring family and being left to do the mental work of getting kids organised and out everyday?

literally every other post!

How about trying to grow up and make an effort to get along. I wonder what X's take is on you.

We have been away with 3 other couples. All good friends we had known for years.

It was a really good holiday and we had plenty of laughs.

Nothing wrong with going away as a group if everyone is on the same page but it sounds like couple A want something different on this holiday which has made the situation stressful.

I don't think anyone should invite someone else on a group holiday without running it past the rest of the group first. The fact she wasn't included in the first place could have been a clue?

You did overstep quite a bit there.

It is perfectly normal to go away with friends and actually stay in the same place

We've done it often and it's great fun

@Nanny0gg yes I suppose I did. Was obviously such a dealbreaker for them that they’d rather never speak to me again over it. Pity they didn’t mention that really. Never even crossed my mind that they’d have any reason to object. I feel sorry for the poor lady that I invited, she clearly had no idea that they felt that way. She was happy to be invited so the feeling wasn’t mutual.

I then made the ‘mistake’ of inviting another one of our friends, from our social group, and the shit hit the fan. Apparently the others didn’t want anyone else coming. I genuinely didn’t know that.

Group dynamics can be odd. But there is also a big difference between who you might want to hang out with in some places, and who you might want to go on holiday with. I would always ask before inviting someone into a group situation like that. An open invite party is one thing. A holiday is another thing entirely.

After all of this, it turns out that Couple A did not invite X on holiday. We asked Couple A, and they haven’t really spoken to X in months.

X had heard through the grapevine about the holiday, and in order to stir up bad feelings, told Couple B that they were invited by Couple A and would be coming. This gives further credence to our dislike of X for being a trouble maker.

Couple A made it quite clear they hadn’t invited X and they would not be coming nor welcome.

That is a surprise twist. Are they actually staying in the same city at the same time?? That is strange behaviour if so!

I don’t even think that X has booked anything. They are as close to a sociopath that I have ever met.

😂

But Marmalade - according to a worrying amount of some PP, it is YOU who is the sociopath, for refusing to adjust to having an uninvited & unwelcome guest rock up at your villa.

You should contact X immediately, apologising for excluding them, book them in, & make sure they get the best bedroom.

Wow! Did not see that one coming

Well at least now you can enjoy your holiday!! They sound like bunny boilers, how do you know x? They sound very invested in your life 😬

Weeell -- cynical old me wonders how much you can actually trust couple A.
Are they above stretching the truth a bit to dig themselves out of a hole? And 'they haven't really spoken to X for a couple of months' could hide a multitude of sins.
You still don't know for certain if X has or has not booked a holiday somewhere near the place where you're all going. It sounds as if they're capable of gatecrashing.
After all, they did find out about it.
Perhaps the A's let slip a few more details somewhere. WhatsApp, FB, other SM?
But at least they haven't been actually invited. Hope it all goes well and you have a wonderful time.

How did they find out if no one likes them/speaks to them?

People do speak to them - it's OP who doesn't.

X had heard through the grapevine about the holiday, and in order to stir up bad feelings, told Couple B that they were invited by Couple A and would be coming.

The grapevine is usually one of the couples.

Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X

So two of the invited couples said no way to X coming

Couple A claim not to have spoken to them for months.

Someone is having more contact with couple X than they are saying clearly, otherwise how would X know the details of a holiday including the destination and type of holiday, exact dates without knowing one of the couples well enough for an in depth conversation. And now it just so happens x might or might not be going.
I am with pp - there is at least one couple in this group that can not be trusted.