Friends invited people we dislike on our holiday

[EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches]

We are going on a group holiday, four couples. All good friends. We booked a villa to share in Italy for a long weekend.

When deciding who should come, Couple A suggested we invite X. Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met. For some reason Couple A are friendly with X, but no one else is. We have been adults and just not invited X to our own dinner parties etc.

After booking flights, hotels etc it seems Couple A have invited couple X to stay in the same city as us as when we are there. There is no room in our villa, but they would obviously expect to come along to dinner or trips planned.

We are absolutely furious. We really really do not want to spend any time with X, let alone our holiday!

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

Cancel and book your own arrangements.

My parents are extremely sociable and older now in their long lives they have learnt that there is actually a tiny pool of friends they can holiday with. You can like people very much but holidaying with them can be a disaster!

You need to be compatible in all sorts of ways and it’s not bitchy or unkind to realise this. That’s why randomly asking others along to a pre arranged group thing is such a massive faux pas

woman my questions upthread were important ones for op to answer but she hasn't been back.

Was X part of the group before and still good friends with A? Or is just someone op loosely knows. That changes the dynamics immediately. If X has been kicked out of the group for whatever reason, that does make things difficult for A.
Is she is engineering a reconciliation? I can't think why anyone would randomly invite non friends even partially to someone else's holiday. Something doesn't add up.

Is this a first time group holiday? Or have they been many times before?
This matters, depending on the answer you can see why misunderstandings may happen if they are going away for the first time or why it may not work!

As TS says you have to really be compatible to holiday together, have the same parenting/partying/values as each other. We have a handful of friends will go away with, and even that changes because little cute kids turn into unruly teenagers!

The OP clearly isn't coming back. Sigh. Shall we file this one under "made up"?

@famagusta neither of us have any idea of the sort of friendship groups we favour. Because of my experience I would not spend time with a group in this situation. You would. That's all it says about us.

@Olive19741205 said I sounded like the school b#@ch. I don't know how she came to that conclusion and said she was wrong. Is that okay with you?

Not with this group!! I have NO idea who the heck is in this group

it was your description of group holidays as being utterly unappealing to you because of stress and tension and annoyances

not something I can at all relate to re group holidays

It is unkind to call anyone the school B and triggering for someone with a history of bullying, so rein in the insults.

The OP clearly isn't coming back. Sigh. Shall we file this one under "made up"?
Yup, I think so. Annoying but I think if it is real, she has her answer given the pages and pages. Most people seem to think she shouldn't be going with A regardless.

Add the friend who did this to to the list of friends you don’t like as this is awful she has done this behind your back knowing how you feel. I would cancel and explain why your not happy and just you go somewhere else or get someone to take your place and bow out. It’s your holiday so it should have been your decision. Any friend who does this is not a friend. This has ruined the holiday before you have even set off. You need to show your friend this is not acceptable behaviour if she can do this what’s next. Let us know how it goes.

Yup. Infuriating.

I guarantee that if X has booked accommodation for two nearby - and you have booked accommodation for eight (probably with pool) that X will be invited along by A to use the larger facilities and A will feel entitled to invite them over as they will feel they have paid their share.
Maybe X forced this on A?

This happened to us. Someone DH knows booked a small accommodation in the same place we had booked a larger apartment for our bigger family and they came over every single night from 6pm and that was the excuse they made too, that there were more facilities in the larger accommodation.

Could you make an agreement of some kind with the other 3 couples and trust them to stick to it? Because if X turns up, no one will want to cause a scene by ejecting them, and they know that.

This sounds like one of those weird questions I used to get in Maths lessons at school-you know the one. There must be a formula to work out the correct answer 🤣

I was thinking that. Was looking forward to the update

the lesson is don't do group holidays, if you have to make a load of compromises then you are not going to enjoy it, and thats on top of the fuckupery that is happing in our airports

happening*

I'd contact the other couples who didn't want X to come and all agree a strategy eg X can't be invited to the villa or on trips with you all. Then let couple A know. It's fair that the majority get to decide who has access to the villa. If couple A complain then tell them you can either ask another couple to take their place, or split the cost of their room and let them book somewhere else.
I'd do it all in a breezy, 'you obviously really want a holiday with X so don't worry we'll catch up another time'.

What on earth are you talking about? Is that your experience of holidays? Sounds grim. Also, what's any of that got to do with the OP?

Who made you the thread police? Do one. I see you on loads of threads throwing your weight around.

"It sounds like a school trip. Have you worked out who's going to be milk monitor yet or are you going to squabble over that?"

It was a bitchy comment. Deal with it.

Are you honestly too thick to see the irony of that post? Accusing the pp of throwing her weight around and then telling her to ‘do one’?

I lost a group of friends over a holiday.

It started well but then took a downward turn when they got chatting to some randoms in the cafe one day and decided to change the holiday destination to somewhere completely different. Not happy but ok, I’ll go with the majority.

I then made the ‘mistake’ of inviting another one of our friends, from our social group, and the shit hit the fan. Apparently the others didn’t want anyone else coming. I genuinely didn’t know that. I literally got summoned to a meeting where it was decided that we’d tell her that she couldn’t come. The very next day she texted to say she’d booked her ticket.

I couldn’t believe how awful they were. A couple of them were quite rude. I had no idea that they didn’t like her. We’d been to her birthday dinner a couple of weeks before. Certainly made me see them in a new light. Luckily covid put a stop to the holiday plans and I haven’t seen them since. Two of them even unfriended me on Facebook, the loons. I appreciate that I invited someone else but she was just another one of our friendship group and I didn’t for a second think anyone would object. Clearly I was very wrong. It wasn’t even really a holiday, just a long weekend. I’m still a bit mystified to be honest. And quite hurt, really.

I honestly think Couple A are mischief making.

I would not go on holiday with them again.

I would say that you would never have agreed to the holiday on this basis, the goalposts have completely changed and then try and get out of the villa and stay elsewhere (with the other couples who are on side).

I couldn't agree more, but I love reading threads about the stress and problems that group holidays cause.

The OP implies that removing A from the villa is an option, so I suppose B, C and D should do that and spend the holiday bitching about A and X. A and X can holiday somewhere else and endless bitch about B, C and D.

Don’t you hate it when the OP ghosts their own thread?

Tell couple A if they want to spend time with X they can do this but you won’t be joining them.

MsAdore Well that sounds hideous, what horrid friends. I think something along those lines has happened here. Couple A maybe thought it would be good to get everyone together, and maybe couple X have been a fixed part of the group for decades maybe even before op. We can not know now.
What I do know is that X and op don't like each other - but why we have no idea! Or what the backstory is....there will definitely be one. The bitching and nastiness would not be for me though. I left school a long time ago!