Friends invited people we dislike on our holiday

[EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches]

We are going on a group holiday, four couples. All good friends. We booked a villa to share in Italy for a long weekend.

When deciding who should come, Couple A suggested we invite X. Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met. For some reason Couple A are friendly with X, but no one else is. We have been adults and just not invited X to our own dinner parties etc.

After booking flights, hotels etc it seems Couple A have invited couple X to stay in the same city as us as when we are there. There is no room in our villa, but they would obviously expect to come along to dinner or trips planned.

We are absolutely furious. We really really do not want to spend any time with X, let alone our holiday!

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

I read this as 50% objected and 50% didn't. So in effect half maybe happy inviting the X couple and wouldn't be unreasonable to do so - this being an issue with shared accommodation!

Personally, I think that I'd state that @EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches and her oh won't be socialising with X couple and that others can do as they please, accepting this may mean thta you're alone and the holiday has changed to what was anticipated.

It is imo upto to the pp to find alternative accommodation if she no longer wishes to share. As the accommodation situation per se hasn't changed this would be on her. And this would probably result in a financial loss.

It sounds like a school trip. Have you worked out who's going to be milk monitor yet or are you going to squabble over that?

We have been in this exact situation before several years ago! Horrid couple invited by one couple, and on hols horrid couple then decided to try to draw up a rota of who would cook when, etc. We tried to make the best of it but it turned into an absolute nightmare! A group meeting was called after a few days to deal with the issues, which basically made things 100 times worse and created a complete division within the group. Get rid of A and X and enjoy your hols!

It really doesn't. You, on the other hand, sound like the school b#@ch.

You’re trying desperately hard to suggest that you’re SO much more mature than the OP because this wouldn’t bother you. But maybe the OP feels she’s reached the age where she doesn’t need to pretend to like people - and as such can say honestly ‘I don’t want to spend time with X’.

I read it as two couples said no, couple A wanted them and one couple hasn’t expressed an opinion.

Their opinion should be sought!

Groups bring out the most immature school girl behaviour in many people, going on holiday with three other couples sounds hideous anyway. The group is already dissolving and you are not even there yet.

Do grown adults actually seriously behave like this?
I would holiday alone until you are capable of being civil and polite even to those 'you don't like'

There is far more to this story than op is telling us.....

I would holiday alone until you are capable of being civil and polite even to those 'you don't like'

Sod that. Being polite to people you don’t like is part of life at work - but a holiday is meant to be just that.

Sod that. Being polite to people you don’t like is part of life at work - but a holiday is meant to be just that

Then don't go on holiday with other people. Holidaying with others is all about compromise, being polite even when they are getting on your nerves and being flexible. If none of those things are for you, then holiday by yourselves.

I have enough holidays with friends/family etc to know you aren't going to be able to control everything people choose to do/not do.

Don’t be ridiculous nobody needs to go on holiday with people they don’t like!

Going with actual friends in a group, yes there will still be compromises in that situation. But life is too short to actually spend precious holiday time with people you don’t like and don’t want to hang out with.

No one has actually said op has to hang out with couple X delatron You are being ridiculous to imagine op will be dragged out to dinner by her hair kicking and screaming with people she 'doesn't like' it is pathetic! She is a grown woman and can just say no thanks we have our own plans!

Is she runs into them, she is capable of saying hello and being civil whilst not spending time with them. I find this whole thread so infantile, and there is almost certainly another side to this story. Maybe couple X have been dropped from the group, and couple A felt bad about it? Have you considered op might not actually be the good person in this? Nothing is ever black and white and I wish couple A would post their side. I am sure it is very different to this version.....There is more to this for sure.

That’s completely different @Swayingpalmtrees you are talking about compromise and ‘being polite even when someone is getting on your nerves’. That suggests spending time together as a quick ‘hello’ isn’t enough time for someone to get on your nerves.

The bottom line whether you find it infantile or not is that life is too short to go on holiday or spend lots of time with people you don’t get on with. And I can guarantee X will be invited out to dinner and over to the villa. And it will be very hard for the OP to stand at the door of the villa and say ‘no you’re not coming in’ or ‘no you can’t join us for a drink in the bar’. And even doing that is stressful and awkward on holiday and just not something you’d want to deal with.

Then op cancels the holiday if really can't manage the situation. I wouldn't be surprised if she is replaced with X!
She needs to be prepared for that.

Update us op

Are you X????

Of course people are happy to compromise when holidaying with friends they choose to holiday with.

OP isn't worried about being dragged out to dinner with X. She doesn't want to be relaxing in her holiday accommodation with friends, about to have dinner and have X turn up and turn it in to a 'a polite evening to get through'. Holidays are too few and expensive to waste on evenings with the impervious who make it a chore.

Agree she could well find herself replaced by X.

But as A has already extended the invitation, the dynamic of the friendship group moving forward has already changed anyway.

Difficult to see a win for anyone here.

Seriously? You would spend your hard earned cash and valuable annual leave going on a trip to spend time with people you didn’t like (and didn’t book to go with) because you are capable of being civil and it’s the mature thing to do?

More fool you.

I book my holidays with close friends that can withstand a very direct conversation, so this would never have happened in the first place.

This dynamic comes from not really being close friends at all, and some of the couples doing their own thing despite it being a group holiday. I wouldn't bank on the support of the other couples either.

If op pulls out there is every chance that X will replace her, and she will be the one left on the outside. Every chance.

Holidays SHOULD be relaxing and carefree, but they rarely are with eight individuals to consider and I would be interested to know if op has been away with them as a group before or this is the first time.

I have been part of a group where one couple was dropped after some petty misunderstanding and it wasn't pretty to watch the fall out. The rest of us were stuck in the middle (as I suspect couple A and maybe even the other couples) and it was very hard to manage. As it usually means choosing between them, and who wants to do that like a bunch of seven year olds.

Group holidays should only be booked if you can afford a disaster and have other breaks lined up. You can not possibly know what way they will go especially if it is the first time and/or children are involved.

Then don't go on holiday with other people. Holidaying with others is all about compromise, being polite even when they are getting on your nerves and being flexible. If none of those things are for you, then holiday by yourselves.

This is ridiculous. Of course I, and most others, can compromise and be flexible WITH FRIENDS. That’s very different from going away with people you actively dislike. Why the hell would anyone choose to do that?

You're missing the point by a mile.
OP has not chosen to go on holiday with X.

She chose to go on holiday with people she likes, who, presumably, are all capable of compromise, politeness & flexibility without needing your patronising little lecture about it.

As long as op has factored in being replaced, and she will be, unless she has the agreement of everyone else in the group to pull out.

I don't believe we know the whole story or anything like it.

I was no bitch at school. More the other way round. I was bullied. That's how I learned to avoid being isolated with little gangs who all did the same things and stitched things up between themselves and whined when anyone who didn't fit in. I couldn't imagine anything worse than being trapped in a house in the middle of nowhere with people squabbling over whose turn it is to drive, who wants to go to the beach and who wants to look at churches, who left a wet towel on the floor and which martyr always cooks and while everyone else gets pissed in the garden. But maybe you and the OP would love it.

your description of holidaying with friends is not one I recognise in the slightest.

good friendship groups - you don’t seem to have much of any experience of them if you think this would always be the case in group holidays

Isn’t that the case with literally every thread on Mumsnet?