Friends invited people we dislike on our holiday

[EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches]

We are going on a group holiday, four couples. All good friends. We booked a villa to share in Italy for a long weekend.

When deciding who should come, Couple A suggested we invite X. Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met. For some reason Couple A are friendly with X, but no one else is. We have been adults and just not invited X to our own dinner parties etc.

After booking flights, hotels etc it seems Couple A have invited couple X to stay in the same city as us as when we are there. There is no room in our villa, but they would obviously expect to come along to dinner or trips planned.

We are absolutely furious. We really really do not want to spend any time with X, let alone our holiday!

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward

I think you should reconsider your friendship with couple A. It's bad enough they didn't consider your wishes but they're going to be tattling on you to couple X. They sound like dicks.

I would be asking couple A to make alternative arrangements and find somewhere else to stay, you clearly can't trust them.

What do couples B & C think? I would just carry on and do your own thing.

I'd tell A that X will not step foot in the villa and you will have no problem booting them out if they try. And that you will not spend any time with X so if A wants to, they can go do their own thing with X but you don't want to hear a word about it and you are royally pissed off about the whole thing.

I ask other two couple what they think - and what their plans are now.

I think it would be possible to go and enjoy even with x there as you just avoid - but if it's causing worry or you think you won't be able to I'd think about changing booking or backing out - but I would talk to the other couples first see what they think.

Needless to say I wouldn't make any furture hoiliday plans with couple A and be wary about all plans with them in future.

Cancel unless the other couple who similarly dislike couple X and yourselves can somehow manage the holiday to avoid them.

Have you asked Couple A directly for the reason why they blabbed about the trip and have ended up in this position when you all explicitly told them you didn't want them there? They sound like people pleasers who have no backbone.

I’d speak to the other 2 couples and if cancelling is an option, do that. Inform Couple A that you will rebook (don’t say where!) as a group of 6 and they can organise their own holiday in that Italian city with X. They didn’t put the groups wishes ahead of X’s after all, so it seems clear where their loyalties lie! If they’ve got themselves into this pickle because X has a dominant influence over them (nasty schemers always make a beeline for who they perceive to be the ‘weaker’ members of the group)…then that’s their problem to solve and this should not affect your trip.

Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

OP, can you clarify, are you one of these couples, or is the two other couples plus you?

If A and one other couple get on with X proceed with more caution, and think about what a pp said about people generally bitching but may be happy to go along with the inclusion of X and you might find they are all teamed up.

That's awful behaviour. Is cancelling an option?

I’d sound out the other 2 couples first. If they seem ok with the new arrangement, I’d cancel. Life’s too short to hate your holiday.

What would I do?
Well, I’d go on the holiday and enjoy myself.
Life is too short.

I wonder if there's some truth in this.

I had a friend who introduced one of their friends to us. At the time we were willing to accept them, and accepted our "A" person's word that they were great.

The more time we spent with our "X" the more we realised that they were dishonest, lazy, manipulative, plain nasty and not just not someone we wanted to be around, but also their only interest was being round A, not having any friendship with us. A has a certain amount of influence in places X would like to have, and I suspect it is entirely that, rather than friendship that motivates him.

As we pulled back from X, and hence A, A thought that all we had to do was spend time with X and we would all recognise how wonderful they were. Unfortunately... see the paragraph above.

A didn't, and still doesn't see it. Yes, X was different round them, but when faced with direct and concrete evidence of things they had done, they gave excuses that my 2yo would have blushed at. Apparently they didn't understand the implications when they said they'd pick something up costing than £20 because they were going to that shop anyway and then swore they'd paid for £50 for it... That sort of thing.
They still think the sun shines out of every orifice X has, even though so far I haven't met anyone other than A who has anything better to say about X than "well, they're an interesting personality", and most say far worse.

Op, if this is the case I'd tread very carefully. Most of the rest of us no longer trust A, however the one who was most anti at the beginning and all the way through, suddenly decided that A's friendship (I suspect for the same reason as X wants it) was more important than the rest of ours... and to do that the best way is to imitate X.

Holidays shouldn’t be stressful. Anything you do other than be a doormat will most likely end friendship with A - which at this point probably already is at the point.

I would cancel. Why fight for a holiday when even if you win and get your way you would be bitter about the events that transpired that you wouldn’t enjoy it.

If couples B and C cancel (I'm assuming you're couple D) then you may also wish to pull out. Have I got that right? Then couple A will have couple X all to themselves and jolly good luck to them. I assume they'll be mystified as to what they did wrong.

The trouble is, how could you actually stop A from inviting X to the villa, (or them from just turning up anyway) especially if it's lovely with nice outside space and a pool...
The Xs sound like people who would push it and push it or just ignore the lack of invitation.
If I've read it right that six out of the eight people who are due to go in the holiday dislike X/the Xs I think you should get together, present a united front to the As and be very clear indeed about what will and what won't be happening on your trip.

@MargaretThursday I sadly have an X in my life and it's amazing how manipulative and shameless these people can be in pursuit of getting their own way.
I just hope that @EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches is taking everyone's advice onboard and not letting this slide.

What did they say when you asked them why on earth they had invited X?

Cancel and rebook without A. Everyone on a holiday should agree to who’s coming in this situation. I’d wonder what A’s agenda was in doing this or what X was blackmailing them with. Why would X want to gatecrash? You know they’ll be in the villa all the time

Couple A probably didn’t invite the X’s, they most likely said they were going there and Couple X booked closeby, so dont be too hard on them.
Some people are so pushy and thick skinned, they just don’t take the hint they are unwelcome.

So what are you going to do about it OP? Cancel your holiday? Or refuse to let X into the villa?

Very discriminatory towards single people.
Not everyone is in a couple!

Good grief what an over-reaction.

X hasn't been included in the villa accommodation, they have just booked into the same town/nearby. OP & her pals don't need to interact with them whatsoever. Anyone who allows that non-event to make them so bitter that they ruin their own holiday is a wet lettuce.

Easily.
How would you stop someone you didn't want to see entering your home?

Couple A get told that they have fucked up, that nobody else wants to see X, & that X is not to set foot in the villa.

If the A's, or X, choose to CF that & X turns up, there are 6 people who are surely able to say "what are you doing here - you are not welcome - get out."

Eh?

This is spectacular.