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Original poster

Friends invited people we dislike on our holiday

230 replies

EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches · 05/06/2022 08:19

We are going on a group holiday, four couples. All good friends. We booked a villa to share in Italy for a long weekend.

When deciding who should come, Couple A suggested we invite X. Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met. For some reason Couple A are friendly with X, but no one else is. We have been adults and just not invited X to our own dinner parties etc.

After booking flights, hotels etc it seems Couple A have invited couple X to stay in the same city as us as when we are there. There is no room in our villa, but they would obviously expect to come along to dinner or trips planned.

We are absolutely furious. We really really do not want to spend any time with X, let alone our holiday!

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

OP posts:
balletmuffin · 05/06/2022 11:23

I wouldn’t cancel. Definitely not but I would be making it clear that you are not happy with what’s happened and that you will not be socialising with them and that you do not want them in the villa.

Lulooo · 05/06/2022 11:23

I wouldn’t ask Couple A to stay in a separate accommodation. It’ll mean you’ll have to cover the costs of their share and why should you. But I’d make it absolutely clear that you won’t be going anywhere with Couple X and if couple A want to go, they should make their own arrangements with them.

I’d also tell Couple A in very clear language that they shouldn’t have invited them and they’ve spoilt the holiday for the rest. They know the friction and now it’s up to them to manage the two sides of their friendships and make sure nothing is said that increases the animosity between both sides and no one holiday is spoilt further. They are responsible for making sure things go smoothly and no one is made to feel awkward or left out.

They brought this on themselves. They should take the responsibility of managing the situation now.

Snoozer11 · 05/06/2022 11:24

I find it really hard to believe Couple A have invited X if Couple B, C and D are adamant they don't want them there.

I think the likelihood is Couple B and C have said they don't want them there to appease you, but don't actually mind having them there.

It's only a weekend. Only you can judge whether or not it's worth losing friendships over. But I'd also be annoyed with Couple A and would be wary of them in the future, so maybe that friendship has already gone.

greatblueheron · 05/06/2022 11:24

A invited X knowing that the other couples A was staying with all said No.

A doesn't care about the feelings of the rest of their group or how their holidays will be affected.

Calmly explain to Couple A that you all meant it when we said No to X for valid reasons, that their presence will make your own holidays uncomfortable and non-relaxing or enjoyable, the whole point of getting away on holiday, so none of you will be spending time with Couple X. If Couple A intends to spend time with Couple X, that is their decision and right, but Couple X will not be welcome in your villa or on your planned excursions as a group.

Stand firm. Give Couple A the option of pulling out if you can afford it without them or can find someone else to stay with you.

huuskymam · 05/06/2022 11:25

Tell couple A, the other 3 couples won't be socialising in any way with couple X. Leave it to couple A to sort their issue.

MargaretThursday · 05/06/2022 11:27

Did couple A actually suggest that to X?

Or was it more along the lines of:
A told X about the holiday
X said they'd like to come to, so A asked you and you said no
A decided to be tactful and said to X, sorry no space rather than others said no
X then tells A, no problem we've booked a hotel near and can pop over

In which case there's no need to vilify A, as they're probably feeling very awkward.

I'd just make it clear that A must not tell X where the villa is and if they want to meet up with X then they do it off site.

You probably need a plan for if they turn up though. Just going out to booked tickets is one suggestion.

Scottishskifun · 05/06/2022 11:28

Just be clear to couple A that tour not having dinner with them, spending any time with them or day trip with them and they aren't to come to your villa.
If they wish to socialise that's their choice but it's away from the rest of you guys.

SunnyShiner · 05/06/2022 11:31

I would cancel and go somewhere else. I'd invite the other couple to do the same but not the idiots who invited x

SunnyShiner · 05/06/2022 11:31

I would cancel and go somewhere else. I'd invite the other couple to do the same but not the idiots who invited x

Daleksatemyshed · 05/06/2022 11:34

@Kennykenkencat it's true, couple A don't seem bothered about brassing everyone else off. Maybe they think everyone would love X if they spent more time with him or they just don't see the real depth of people's dislike for X.
Either way Op, unless you get this sorted I can see this being a holiday to remember🙄

ZekeZeke · 05/06/2022 11:41

I wouldn't cancel.
Just tell couple A that you have no intention of spending any time with couple x and do not want them at the villa. Have a lovely break with your other like minded friends.

Crazykatie · 05/06/2022 11:42

I wouldnt cancel a villa, that would be very costly for everyone and why should they suffer, if I did not like the other couple and the intruded I would just ignore them pointedly and carry on and enjoy the holiday.

Going on holidays with other couples is always fraught with problems, I’ve done it a few times with family but not keen, much rather go on a group holiday with others we don’t know and go our separate ways with no consequences.

Pickabearanybear · 05/06/2022 11:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Rosscameasdoody · 05/06/2022 11:45

The rest of the group should ask couple A to vacate the villa and stay somewhere closer to X as they seem to be so keen on their company that they were prepared to ignore the wishes of other friends who have paid for the holiday. Make it clear that none of you wants to be in the company of X and that it will be very awkward and uncomfortable all round if they were to visit the villa.

Watermill · 05/06/2022 11:46

Who actually booked the accommodation and has control of it? Would you have to pay a cancellation fee if you cancelled the whole thing?

I would speak with other couples and see if they fancied cancelling villa and booking another one in a different place, excluding Couple A.

Beamish22 · 05/06/2022 11:52

So you and another couple said you don't want couple X invited? I'd be open, with a group message to couple A and the others. You want to be clear that when it was agreed couple X wouldn't be invited it was because you don't want to spend any time in their company. Therefore you have no problem with couple A going off to meet them at any time but you ask that under no circumstances do they invite them to the villa or any group outings.

You'd like to be open about the fact that you do not want to spend any time in their company now because if the intention is to include them at all you will pull out now.

CapYourDoff · 05/06/2022 11:55

Moral of the story is NEVER go away with friends or family without your OWN independent and separate accommodation.

I am sorry but I just cannot understand the appeal of sharing accommodation with anyone other than my DH (kids grown up). ever.....

It gives the freedom to enjoy your selective time with friends and can then flop into your room/Air BB whatever without having to be "nice" to everyone all the time. That's what a break is for.

Pennox · 05/06/2022 11:55

I'd make sure couple A agree to not invite couple X rontge villa, leave couple A to go on trips or to dinner with couple X if they want to and then you and the other 2 couples do your own trips/dinners. Couple A are goign to have the most uncomfortable holiday as they are going to have to decide, on a daily basis, whether to do something with their friends from the villa or go off and meet couple X, who tonhave dinner with etc.

I'd insist on separate cars so if couple X did turn up at any point I'd simply go out, go to the beach or whatever.

AlisonDonut · 05/06/2022 11:55

If this is real, then what is going to happen is that at some point, you will come back to find Couple X in the kitchen or front room and it will be awkward.

I'd personally not wish to spend holiday time with people I don't like so I'd discuss with the other couples [B, and C] about your options.

It would work out nicely for A if all 3 couples cancelled, and they got a huge villa and could have X on holiday with them for free.

RampantIvy · 05/06/2022 11:58

I am sorry but I just cannot understand the appeal of sharing accommodation with anyone other than my DH (kids grown up). ever....

Same here

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 05/06/2022 12:01

I don’t blame you for being angry, but before cancelling or trying to insist Couple A stay somewhere else, have a proper discussion with them.

You say ‘it seems’ they’ve invited Couple X to stay nearby - that’s very vague. What if Couple X, knowing where you were staying, just took it upon themselves to book somewhere nearby? Couple A might be mortified. What if, as another poster suggested, they said ‘We’d love you to come, but the villa isn’t big enough’ to save face - only for Couple X to say ‘That’s okay; we’ll book our own accommodation’? It would be pretty embarrassing to have to say ‘Actually, there was room, but our friends would rather share a bunker with Hitler and Eva Braun than share with you’.

If it’s either of those scenarios, the trip can still be saved. Couple A can go out for dinner with Couple X one night or one a day trip, just as you might if a couple you knew happened, by coincidence, might be holidaying nearby. They can make an excuse about why none of the rest of you are coming if that’s how they want to handle it.

If, however, Couple A say ‘We know you didn’t want to share the villa, but surely you don’t object to them staying nearby?’ or similar, I’d be blunt and say that actually yes, you do object; that you’re disappointed they actively encouraged people the rest of you all dislike to come. Ask why. If you get the old ‘If you just got to know them…’ routine, make it clear that you know enough. You don’t like them or want to spend time with them. Couple A can make plans with Couple X, but you will not be attending, full stop. If they don’t get it after this, make this your last holiday with Couple A.

Hawkins001 · 05/06/2022 12:03

I Understand your perspectives and frustrations op, all the best

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 05/06/2022 12:05

RampantIvy · 05/06/2022 11:58

I am sorry but I just cannot understand the appeal of sharing accommodation with anyone other than my DH (kids grown up). ever....

Same here

Luckily you don’t need to, as it’s not you going on the trip.

WisherWood · 05/06/2022 12:05

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

I spent several years working with someone deeply manipulative and aggressive, who many people liked, so I can see where you are coming from. However, in this instance, the majority of you have sussed her out and don't like her. So the stress is to an extent your decision and yours to control. What is it she will do? What is it that will be awkward?

Tbh I'd grow a thicker skin and just go out and enjoy the city, but make it clear to A that this does not include hanging out with X. If that makes it awkward, that is on them. It does not have to be awkward or stressful if you adopt a zero fucks given approach to it.

RishiRich · 05/06/2022 12:08

I'd be cross too. Holidays aren't for spending with people you dislike, or for planning ways to avoid them.

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