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Original poster

Friends invited people we dislike on our holiday

230 replies

EmergencyMarmaladeSandwiches · 05/06/2022 08:19

We are going on a group holiday, four couples. All good friends. We booked a villa to share in Italy for a long weekend.

When deciding who should come, Couple A suggested we invite X. Two of the already invited couples said no way, we don’t get along with X.

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met. For some reason Couple A are friendly with X, but no one else is. We have been adults and just not invited X to our own dinner parties etc.

After booking flights, hotels etc it seems Couple A have invited couple X to stay in the same city as us as when we are there. There is no room in our villa, but they would obviously expect to come along to dinner or trips planned.

We are absolutely furious. We really really do not want to spend any time with X, let alone our holiday!

Now I know it’s a free world etc, and we can’t bar someone from visiting the same time that we are there. But it now means I will be stressed all holiday, as X has a dislike for me. Couple A will clearly have told X that we didn’t want them there, and so it will be awkward.

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 05/06/2022 10:56

If money isn't too much of an issue then I would seriously consider pulling out. You and your DH (and possibly the other couples who are pissed off by A and X) could then book to go somewhere else. Don't tell A and X where though.

I would do that because a) I can't really see why you still tried to consider couple A to be friends, and b) your friendship (such as it was) with A has now surely run it's course. With friends like that ......... etc.

yikesanotherbooboo · 05/06/2022 10:57

You are not obliged to all stick together and it would be weird if you were to do so.Couple A can meet up with couple x when they wish.The rest of you can do what you want .If it happens that Couple X get invited back to your
Villa without you being party to the conversation either go out yourselves or just put up with it for a few hours, they will be well diluted, and make sure Couple A realise that you don't want it to be a daily occurrence.Don't let worrying about this spoil your anticipation of what i am sure will be a lovely holiday.

orwellwasright · 05/06/2022 11:00

Four couples going on holiday together sounds like a particularly unpleasant version of hell even before one couple broke the rules and started inviting people from outside the hallowed clique.

Worrysaboutalot · 05/06/2022 11:02

I would cancel the trip, saying directly to all couples that you don't want to spend a weekend with couple X.

Keep it simple and truthful. It is likely the other couples will drop out with the same reason.

It might be that couple X invited themselves along, after couple A let the location/date out in general conversation, rather than a direct invitation.

But that is for you to decide and depending on the answer, you will know whether to invite couple A to the next weekend away.

WakeUpandSmelltheKetchup · 05/06/2022 11:05

I’d be a bit careful OP. Sometimes in groups people are happy to join in with a bitching session if they know you really don’t get on with someone but in reality they are totally fine with the bitched about person.

You might find that you end up self excluding yourself from your own holiday and X gets to be with your friends…

KettrickenSmiled · 05/06/2022 11:06

What would you do? Cancel the trip? Find our own hotel? Remove Couple A from the villa?

How about none of those knee-jerk reactions?
As the flights & accommodation are already booked, & only Couple A want to associate with Couple X, I can't see what the problem is, apart from some understandable irritation.

Firstly - chat with the other 2 couples about presenting a united front.
Then contact Couple A, ask them WTF they thought they were playing at, tell them that nobody else wants to see Couple X, that X are expressly forbidden from the villa, & that none of you will be socialising with them.

You need to dismiss this as tomfoolery, & not allow yourtself to get worked up about it, because the only effect that you are going to feel is - presumably - seeing less of Couple A as they go & schmooze with Couple X.

BoredZelda · 05/06/2022 11:06

So much drama. Just tell them you won’t be going to meet with the people you don’t like.

StageRage · 05/06/2022 11:07

How much solidarity between you and the other X-averse couples?

if you are United I would just say calmly to A “oh well, as you know socialising with X isn’t how we define a great hol, so if you want to go and meet up with them that’s fine, we’ll do something different that day / eve… oh, god, you’re not really planning to invite them to the villa are you? Come on… that was never part of our planning. Is this getting awkward for you? Would you feel more comfortable with your own accommodation?”

Herewegoagain84 · 05/06/2022 11:08

Perhaps couple A aren’t intending to invite couple X to the villa? They may just go and meet them in the town where they are staying. Have you talked to them about it?

RampantIvy · 05/06/2022 11:08

There is no way I would cancel. It would be cutting my nose of to spite my face.

I think @TheCatterall and @Swayingpalmtrees have suggested a good way forward.

FrankRattlesnake · 05/06/2022 11:08

Couple A have behaved appallingly, especially as the other 3 couples have been clear. The lack of boundaries at this level suggests that you will all be ignored whilst away and you’ll find couple X here there and everywhere you go.

but… no one has a monopoly on weekend breaks in Italian (or other) cities. So from X’s perspective they currently aren’t doing anything wrong (and if they are as you say they are, will not have the self awareness that they are not welcome). The fact they are in the same city at the same time is currently not going to be a problem.

couples b, c and d need a strong and adult conversation it’s A setting the boundaries. If x aren’t invited to your dinner parties, sure as hell you wouldn’t want them on holiday. Tell A this and clearly explain why (you’ve nothing to lose regarding x).

however, have some plans if x turn up I. Places. If it is a day trip, make sure you have transport options for leaving and going somewhere else, if it is a meal, whilst somewhat childish, I might be tempted to finish the course, pay my share and bugger off somewhere else.

it won’t be the relaxing break you were hoping for but if b,c and d stick together, let A go play with x.

Daleksatemyshed · 05/06/2022 11:11

Do the other couples know X will be nearby? If not, tell them asap and see how you all feel about going ahead, maybe they'd like to change the holiday too?
I'd still go but make it very clear to A that X is not welcome at the villa at any time and that if they insist on inviting them they'll piss everyone else off.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/06/2022 11:12

@SpindleForTheWorld total derail, but may I ask, is your username derived from Robin Hobb's Soldier Son series?

Kennykenkencat · 05/06/2022 11:13

Eddielizzard · 05/06/2022 08:44

I'm assuming the other 2 couples do like the X's? In which case friends A have got mixed messages and perhaps to them this is a good solution to keeping everyone happy.

The other “2” couples are couple A and one other couple who has stayed on the fence
Then the 2 couples who hate couple X

We really really dislike X. They are genuinely one of the most unpleasant and scheming people we have ever met

I do think what couple A has done is showing how unpleasant and scheming they are. Maybe they are picking up their nastiness from mixing with couple X

Have you pointed out that couple X going ahead and booking a holiday knowing that it is in the same area and at the same time as someone they dislike shows how unpleasant they really are

Have you asked couple A how they think this holiday is going to pan out when 4 out of the other 6 people told couple A they didn’t want couple X there

If couple A really wants to go on holiday with couple X then they should have booked with couple X

Couple A aren’t your friends.

Mellowyellow222 · 05/06/2022 11:13

I would simply say I want be socialising with this couple on my trip.

the couple who invited them can do their own thing but make it clear there will be no shared dinners or outings.

KatherineJaneway · 05/06/2022 11:15

Why not band together with the others who dislike X and say that. while you can't stop them inviting X to the city, they are not permitted in the villa and you will not be socialising with them.

It's your holiday to, it won't be relaxing if you have to be with people you do not like.

Crazykefir · 05/06/2022 11:15

Are all the couple's booked on the same flight?

Kennykenkencat · 05/06/2022 11:15

Daleksatemyshed · 05/06/2022 11:11

Do the other couples know X will be nearby? If not, tell them asap and see how you all feel about going ahead, maybe they'd like to change the holiday too?
I'd still go but make it very clear to A that X is not welcome at the villa at any time and that if they insist on inviting them they'll piss everyone else off.

Given they have already pissed everyone off I doubt they will take much notice.

SpindleForTheWorld · 05/06/2022 11:16

KettrickenSmiled · 05/06/2022 11:12

@SpindleForTheWorld total derail, but may I ask, is your username derived from Robin Hobb's Soldier Son series?

No, I namechange a lot and often add 'Spindle' to random phrases and song titles!

KettrickenSmiled · 05/06/2022 11:17

RampantIvy · 05/06/2022 11:08

There is no way I would cancel. It would be cutting my nose of to spite my face.

I think @TheCatterall and @Swayingpalmtrees have suggested a good way forward.

Exactly - I can't believe how many PP are saying they'd pull out of their own holiday just because some people they don't like are going to be in the same town. One PP even declared she' be prepared to lose the money!

This just isn't the biggie it's being cracked up to be.
What's the worst that can happen? They bump into Couple X, ignore them & move on.
Or Couple A double down on their crassness & try to get the X's an invitation to the villa, or a joint social - so what? The 6 people who don't want to see the X's just say NO.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/06/2022 11:18

Cheers Spindle 😀

Kennykenkencat · 05/06/2022 11:18

BoredZelda · 05/06/2022 11:06

So much drama. Just tell them you won’t be going to meet with the people you don’t like.

They told couple A not to invite them and look how that turned out

rnsaslkih · 05/06/2022 11:18

I'd cancel. Holidays are supposed to be fun, not dramatic.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2022 11:19

The trip is ruined and I'd be cancelling. Couple A should no longer be your friends, and I don't think they ever really were.

longtompot · 05/06/2022 11:20

Thats awful of couple A to do that. I would just arrange to go out with the other two couples and let couple A and X spend time together. Or suggest to couple A they stay at the same villa as X