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Original poster

DH says I can’t have botox

165 replies

Cherryana · 30/05/2022 06:45

I have started to get Botox and for me I love the result. It has got rid of my ‘11’s that were really bothering me. I am really happy.

My DH hates Botox/filler. Points out bad lip filler jobs with boring regularity when out.

From my pov, I go to work, I pay for it, it is not financially damaging to our family. It is also not a lot so I still have lines and wrinkles - not a mask face. I am old enough to weigh up risks. I am so pleased!!

He said, me choosing to do this, it was driving a wedge in our marriage.

How much say does a husband get in beauty treatments do you think?

OP posts:
Honaloulou · 30/05/2022 06:46

I wouldn't do something he hated, and nor would he. Most Botox looks shit so I see where he's coming from.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/05/2022 06:48

He doesn’t get a say in what beauty treatments you pay for at all as long as it’s not family money or you’re in debt or struggling to pay bills. He does get to choose whether he is in a relationship with you. For me I would make the decision for him, I don’t require my husband to say what I can or can’t do with my own body and wouldn’t want to be married to anyone who tries to do so.

MolliciousIntent · 30/05/2022 06:49

I would be so upset if DH started altering how he looks like this, so I see his point.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Beauty
Coffeekam · 30/05/2022 06:49

Wow get it but don’t tell him. He won’t even notice. He sounds controlling it is none of his business. If it makes you happy why wouldn’t he support it..?

Sirzy · 30/05/2022 06:49

Overall your body your decisions if you can afford it as a family.

that said if I knew my partner really disliked something I would take that into my decision.

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 30/05/2022 06:51

My DH was judgy about botox so I just got it and didn’t tell him. He’s never noticed 🙄 It’s your decision, not his, carry on OP!

Akite · 30/05/2022 06:52

You are perfectly entitled to have Botox, but he is also perfectly entitled to hate it.
I would feel the same as your DH if mine had Botox or anything like that.

TomAllenWife · 30/05/2022 06:52

@Honaloulou most Botox when done by a good practitioner does not 'look shit'

In fact OP no one should be able to tell you've had it done
It's hardly going to 'change the way you look' to someone completely different

Mumwantingtogetitright · 30/05/2022 06:52

He doesn't get any say in what you do you your own body.

He doesn't get any say in how you spend your own money, either. If this is family money, then of course that's different, and spending should be mutually agreed.

He does get a say on whether he wants to stay in the marriage if he doesn't like the choices that you're making. Whether he feels strongly enough about the botox to do that, only he can know.

Personally, I'm with him and I think it's horrible, but my opinion is irrelevant here.

BackToTheTop · 30/05/2022 06:53

Your body, you choice.

I'd struggle to be with someone who said 'I couldn't do something' like this, but he's entitled to his opinion.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 30/05/2022 06:53

Tell him to F off! It's your money, your choice. As long as you're going to a reputable place to get it done, I don't see the issue. Botox only looks bad when you've had it done by someone who has only had very basic training. If you have it done by an actual doctor/dentist/plastic surgeon, then I'm surprised your husband has even noticed you've had anything done.

Does he also police your makeup, your hair cuts and your clothing choices?

Ferngreen · 30/05/2022 06:54

Don't tell him.... or anyone else come to that.
Why would you just so they can say your are wasting money/look fine and don't need it/ are selfindulgent etc

FindingMeno · 30/05/2022 06:55

Just carry on doing what you're doing and don't mention it to him any more.
Or for ease, nod and agree with him...then carry on doing what you're doing.

KangarooKenny · 30/05/2022 06:56

He has no say unless it’s affecting family finances.

MagicTurtle · 30/05/2022 06:57

I would feel the same as your DH. Yes it's your money and your decision how to spend it, but I honestly wouldn't be able to think of you in the same way as before if you made this choice.

Genegenieee · 30/05/2022 06:58

I would find your DH's behaviour incredibly controlling. He's not just saying I don't like it, or my love you don't need this - it's the "drama" of "you are putting a wedge into our marriage". Is he a teenage boy? Envy

Your body, your face, your money, your time. Does it make you feel better? Go right on ahead and carry on. I have had Botox since I was late 30s, now late 40s - I do not look my age, and grateful for it. I draw a line at fillers but that's just me - my choice.

I would find that kind of controlling manipulation would put a wedge between me and my DH.

It's ugly behaviour on your DH's part, sorry.

kimfox · 30/05/2022 07:10

Wow - I can't believe anyone is saying they side with your DH on this. I don't have Botox (yet!) but I certainly don't judge my friends who do use aesthetics. In my book it's the same as getting your ears pierced or wearing makeup, or getting in shape & going to the gym or getting a new look clothes wise, or changing your hairstyle. Sounds like he's happier with you less confident & unhappy. Anyway - it's your body, do what you like, I really can't see what the fuss is about. He's probably scared you are leaving him behind in some way.

Original poster
Cherryana · 30/05/2022 07:15

So I know that I think it’s my body my choice and that is how it’s been left but its not nice to think he is so upset.

However, I find him hard to take seriously as I think his hyperbole was OTT and controlling.

He doesn’t want a tattoo but if he did and I didn’t like it - I know he might modify the image but he would still get it.

OP posts:
MagicTurtle · 30/05/2022 07:17

To me it really isn't the same as getting your ears pierced or wearing make up.

It's a massive leap to say it must mean your DH prefers you to be unhappy!

Original poster
Cherryana · 30/05/2022 07:19

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 30/05/2022 06:53

Tell him to F off! It's your money, your choice. As long as you're going to a reputable place to get it done, I don't see the issue. Botox only looks bad when you've had it done by someone who has only had very basic training. If you have it done by an actual doctor/dentist/plastic surgeon, then I'm surprised your husband has even noticed you've had anything done.

Does he also police your makeup, your hair cuts and your clothing choices?

He does try to tell me what I can wear occasionally but I tell him where to go and he does back down. He is very opinionated and I used to listen …now, not so much.

OP posts:
ATadConfused · 30/05/2022 07:23

What is it about it he doesn't like?

is it a health/safety thug? A waste of money? Does he think you're doing it to be more attractive to other men?

RodiganReed · 30/05/2022 07:26

I could understand his reservations if you were having fillers as they do noticeably alter the way a person looks (he still doesn't get to dictate though!), but if your botox is subtle enough that you still have visible signs of aging I doubt he'd have even noticed if you hadn't told him.

User0610134049 · 30/05/2022 07:31

My DH wouldn’t notice and if yours does, is it as subtle as you think?

for me personally I can see why it’s appealing but think when you take a step back and think about the trend towards women (ok some men but come on mostly women) having chemicals injected into them to look younger or in the case of fillers look like some weird ‘beauty ideal’ it’s pretty awful and I think it’s difficult if he’s philosophically opposed to it and you’re not.

but overall yes he doesn’t get to say what you can and can’t do but don’t expect him to be happy with it.

OneCup · 30/05/2022 07:32

Of course you should do what you want but he's also right to express his views. He might decide to leave you because of this. His choice but you should know really.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 30/05/2022 07:40

My DH also thinks you can tell when everything someone has had filler or Botox. He can’t. He can’t tell when they have had Profhilo either.
Occasionally it is extremely tempting to win this argument (we have it regularly when watching Graham Norton), but I don’t bother.
I think it is just as wrong for anyone to tell you what you should NOT do to your face as it is for someone to try and tell you what you SHOULD do. Your face, your business.