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Original poster

DH says I can’t have botox

165 replies

Cherryana · 30/05/2022 06:45

I have started to get Botox and for me I love the result. It has got rid of my ‘11’s that were really bothering me. I am really happy.

My DH hates Botox/filler. Points out bad lip filler jobs with boring regularity when out.

From my pov, I go to work, I pay for it, it is not financially damaging to our family. It is also not a lot so I still have lines and wrinkles - not a mask face. I am old enough to weigh up risks. I am so pleased!!

He said, me choosing to do this, it was driving a wedge in our marriage.

How much say does a husband get in beauty treatments do you think?

OP posts:
CaliforniaDrumming · 30/05/2022 08:55

VioletToes · 30/05/2022 08:17

Botox doesn't go unnoticed. If you're in your 40s with no wrinkles, people know you've had Botox.

Doesn't mean they're judging you, or even care. But when my friends try to tell me they've looked into Botox but decided they don't need it just yet I quietly think suuuure 😉

I am in my late 40s. I don't have wrinkles, or very few. Do people think I have had Botox?!! I am Asian though. I have panda eyes instead.

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 30/05/2022 08:56

It’s interesting the hatred for Botox though

Yes it is strange. Lots of people do think it's in the same category as plastic surgery. My DM is hugely anti any "facial work" but has had her teeth whitened which is more permanent, and more damaging. I thought i was anti botox until I had it, as I suspect many women are 😆

toomuchlaundry · 30/05/2022 08:57

If you look less tired than before then you look different.

At what point when you keep trying to make your face look younger than the rest of your busy do you admit that it is noticeable that you are having Botox

Interested in this thread?

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Beauty
CornishGem1975 · 30/05/2022 08:59

I quite fancy a bit of botox and my DH would never stop me but he's expressed that he thinks I am fine without it and he's happy with how I look...if he really didn't want me to and was dead set against it I'd probably take his opinion into account as he's the one who has to look at me every day and I do tend to agree, that you can see who has had it and who hasn't. Some people have it done very well, others not so much and I think we tend to look at the ones who just can't stop fiddling with their face and that comes to mind when you say botox of fillers.

Gensola · 30/05/2022 08:59

Botox doesn’t change the way you look as in it can’t make you look different from how you looked before wrinkles came, whereas fillers do change eg the size and shape of your lips or cheeks or whatever do actively change the way you look(ed).
Botox on eg frown lines just makes the forehead look how it naturally did before the lines developed. Not sure what’s so terrible about that? Horses for courses - why spend so much time judging what other people do with their bodies?
Im slightly concerned by how many PPs would tolerate a man telling them what to do with their bodies - do you also let your partners dictate what you wear, whether you dye your hair (also changing how you look with CHEMICALS, gasp!), wear makeup (more CHEMICALS, more altering your appearance!), or what haircut you have?

ShirleyJackson · 30/05/2022 09:01

I have Botox and fillers.

I still have wrinkles. I still look my age.

I don’t have the resting bitch face and completely downturned mouth I had developed though.

I look like me before my face fell off. It’s a miracle. And if my DH had told me I wasn’t allowed to do it, there wouldn’t be a wedge between us - there’d be a locked front door and a distance of several miles.

ShirleyPhallus · 30/05/2022 09:03

What bizarre responses

The answers would be totally different if the OP said she’d put on 3 stone

meltypuff · 30/05/2022 09:04

Just do it. Your body your choice. Some men seem to be so weird and obsessed about 'natural and no surgery' but they honestly often don't have a clue. They will point out good looking people on tv and be amazed when I say yes they've had Botox/lip filler etc

CaptSkippy · 30/05/2022 09:10

It would make me sad if my partner was having his face injected with botulism, which is literally a toxin that can kill people. If it was needed for medical reason, fine. But otherwise I would see it as self-harm and I would be very concerned.

LonelyInAutumn · 30/05/2022 09:12

Sirzy · 30/05/2022 08:37

I’m glad you asked that! Sounds a bit Emperors New Clothes to be paying for something that nobody can see

Show quote history

People usually do things for themselves, doesn't really matter if others notice or not tbh

OldWivesTale · 30/05/2022 09:13

You can tell when people have had botox. Your face moves differently and as you do it more and more it does start to look a bit odd. I still think it's personal choice and many people like that particular kind of look - but you can always tell. I had it once and I liked the fact that it got rid of my 11s but it did alter the way my face moved. My friend had it and then said nobody had noticed. I had noticed, I was just too polite to say anything.

LibertineCapsAndCowboyChaps · 30/05/2022 09:15

My DH is dead set against Botox. I genuinely thought it was just him being a contrary arseole as he isn't a fan of fillers or tattooed eye brow either. But last week I said "have you heard about the new weight loss injection in Turkey? They inject Botox into your stomach to sedate the hunger gland and so you lose weight." He was on his phone right away and said that if I wanted to lose weight ( I do my BMI is 36.5 and I have other serious conditions) then I should get a gastric sleeve instead as it's got better results and doesn't need to be redone in 6 months like Botox. It's the actual BOTULISM here is worried about, not the treatment. Although he too does privately laugh at bad cosmetic jobs ( to my despair) .

SecretVictoria · 30/05/2022 09:15

I looked into it as it is used as treatment for migraines. I didn’t go through with it in the end. I can always tell people who’ve had it, their forehead begins to stretch and looks huge. Not sure if that’s an unskilled practitioner or just how it always goes.

OldWivesTale · 30/05/2022 09:17

CaptSkippy · 30/05/2022 09:10

It would make me sad if my partner was having his face injected with botulism, which is literally a toxin that can kill people. If it was needed for medical reason, fine. But otherwise I would see it as self-harm and I would be very concerned.

But they've been using botox for years and years to treat spasms and it doesn't have any long term side effects. It can't kill anyone when injected into the skin (unless you have an allergy - and that can happen with any product potentially)

waitingpatientlyforspring · 30/05/2022 09:19

When you are married or on a long term, significant relationship, then it's give and take and you should take your partners feelings into consideration.

My DH hates fringes (bangs for non uk readers) on women and so I've not had a full fringe since we have been together. Like wise, I hate long hair in men so DH has never let his hair grown long. We both know that these looks would make the other less attracted to us - and after all, he spends more time looking at me than I do and vice versa.

That said, it's your body so it's up to you what you do with it, if you feel strongly enough about it.

LowlandLucky · 30/05/2022 09:19

Have you asked him why he doesn't want you to have Botox ? Maybe he is worried sick about what you are putting into your body or worried that it will go wrong. I would be worried if my DH was putting Botox into his body.

Covetthee · 30/05/2022 09:20

Your face your decision. He won’t even notice it if you get it done.

women notice it more because we see it all around us, most men are oblivious to subtle tweaks and when they say they don’t like it, they mean the ones with the obvious work done like katie price etc.

they want us all to look ‘natural’ like their celebrity crushes 🙄🤣 not realising how much work every one of them has had done.

CaptSkippy · 30/05/2022 09:23

OldWivesTale · 30/05/2022 09:17

But they've been using botox for years and years to treat spasms and it doesn't have any long term side effects. It can't kill anyone when injected into the skin (unless you have an allergy - and that can happen with any product potentially)

Show quote history

Spasms are a different matter. I would consider that medical. But as a beauty treatment, especially when not administered by a doctor or nurse (which often happens), I consider it self-harm.

cstaff · 30/05/2022 09:27

My BIL hated the idea of my sister having botox for all of the above reasons but she went ahead and had it. Once he realised that it made her feel happier and better about herself he actually ended up getting her a voucher for her birthday one year for it.

Mabelface · 30/05/2022 09:41

Tell the controlling arse to do one. Sounds like it's not to do with the actual toxin, but more his insecurities. Your face, your body, your autonomy.

Onwards22 · 30/05/2022 09:43

When did you start having it and how many times have you had it?

It sounds like he’s worried this is becoming a regular thing.

How old are you?

kimfox · 30/05/2022 09:50

I don't think it's a massive leap to say it's like ear piercing / makeup / or any other body modification or procedure that changes your appearance however subtle. Anyway, that's my opinion. I can understand somewhat that there may be more risk to any sort of injectable - and if the OPs husband was coming at it out of concern for his wife then that would be more understandable. But it doesn't really sound like that is the case.

Another thought occurred though, which is maybe he knows how much it costs and is concerned about that?! Is he financially a bit controlling?

StarCourt · 30/05/2022 09:50

@rookiemere
"I would equate it to getting a large visible tattoo,"

It's not the same though is it, a tattoo is pretty permanent. Botox is not. It's out of your system in 6 months or so

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 30/05/2022 09:50

What he doesn’t like about it is putting chemicals into your body and the current trend for young people to extend their features beyond the natural.

I agree with him on that - but that is not what I am doing and I pay a lot for a Dr. to make me look refreshed.

But that is exactly what you are doing - you're trying artificially to extend your youth.

Obviously it's your choice and your husband doesn't get to decide for you. But if my DP came home with a tattoo, it would make me re-evaluate him in general because tattoos are so alien to me (and him). I'd see him as a different person, and might well choose not to be in a relationship with this new person.

In your situation, though, if you're dead set on fakery, I'd just keep the peace, say nothing and do it anyway, if it's genuinely true that it's not noticeable (in which case, why do it?)

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 30/05/2022 09:51

And wtf are "11"s?