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Original poster

DH says I can’t have botox

165 replies

Cherryana · 30/05/2022 06:45

I have started to get Botox and for me I love the result. It has got rid of my ‘11’s that were really bothering me. I am really happy.

My DH hates Botox/filler. Points out bad lip filler jobs with boring regularity when out.

From my pov, I go to work, I pay for it, it is not financially damaging to our family. It is also not a lot so I still have lines and wrinkles - not a mask face. I am old enough to weigh up risks. I am so pleased!!

He said, me choosing to do this, it was driving a wedge in our marriage.

How much say does a husband get in beauty treatments do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryana · 30/05/2022 07:40

He wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t told him..(as I have had it twice before)...and I wasn’t going to tell him but he came home unexpectedly to see I was going out and wanted to know where I was going and bare faced lying is a step too far!!

What he doesn’t like about it is putting chemicals into your body and the current trend for young people to extend their features beyond the natural.

I agree with him on that - but that is not what I am doing and I pay a lot for a Dr. to make me look refreshed.

OP posts:
rebelyellow · 30/05/2022 07:46

I would feel the same as your DH. Yes it's your money and your decision how to spend it, but I honestly wouldn't be able to think of you in the same way as before if you made this choice

Wow, that is so controlling and judgemental!

Herejustforthisone · 30/05/2022 07:47

Honaloulou · 30/05/2022 06:46

I wouldn't do something he hated, and nor would he. Most Botox looks shit so I see where he's coming from.

This is nonsense. Most Botox goes unnoticed. Are you thinking of filler?

Also, I love my H but he has absolutely no say, no say at all about what I do with my body. Your money, your face, your choice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Beauty
GetOffTheTableMabel · 30/05/2022 07:49

From a practical point of view , it is very easy to keep Botox ‘your business’. It doesn’t take long, a decent practitioner is unlikely to leave a mark and it takes days and days to gradually kick in so, you pop out for a bit, you return looking the same. Book a morning appointment or early afternoon if possible, you need to stay upright for at least 4 hours afterwards.
Filler is more likely to cause a little bruise here and there but still, truthfully and from experience, the only one likely to know if it’s done well is you. I look well, not ‘done’ and DH and DM would call me out in a heartbeat if they ever suspected.

Herejustforthisone · 30/05/2022 07:50

I’m also concerned that he tries to control what you wear sometimes.

I’d call his bluff.

TranquilAirOfMorning · 30/05/2022 07:50

I wouldn't do something to my body that my husband hated, and he wouldn't either. We try to take the marriage vows seriously: "With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you".

That said, we've never tried to dictate to each other in this area, and if I knew he didn't like something, my decision to not do it would have to be voluntary, not coerced. Otherwise it becomes dictatorial not loving.

bertieb7 · 30/05/2022 07:50

I think it's really strange if he has such a strong opinion but it doesn't effect him at all. I could understand if he hated the way it looks (obs not if it doesn't change the way you look), or you couldn't afford it. I wouldn't even think to bring my husband into the decision so it's strange he thinks he has a say. I do suspect I may try out very natural Botox in future and I think if I told DH that was the plan he would immediately think of the bad examples of blumped up faces in the media but would soon realise when I looked exactly the same just fresher 😁
I do have a friend who was deeply unhappy with her breasts after having a baby and decided to get an uplift. Her husband at the time was completely against it, she went ahead but they ended up separating (her choice in the end as she found his opinions on what she did to her body controlling). That is a totally extreme example of how having an opinion on something which means a lot to someone can drive a wedge in a relationship. Is Botox extremely important to you?

MissyB1 · 30/05/2022 07:53

It sounds like he’s worried from a safety point of view, perhaps he’s also concerned about why you feel you need it?
Rather than seeing this as a battle try to have a calm discussion about why he’s actually objecting.
I would see this as a big deal if Dh was wanting to something like this.

ElenaSt · 30/05/2022 07:54

What you see in the mirror is different to how others see you when your face is animated.

I had Botox years ago doe over a decade and when I split up with my then partner he told me one of the things he had grown to hate was the 'superior' look upon my face that made me look smug.

He didn't ever know I had Botox as I had chosen not to tell him.

If he doesn't want you to have Botox it might not be because he is controlling but that you look different to him and are less attractive in his eyes.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 30/05/2022 07:59

I know dh won’t be keen on me having Botox but I plan to have it at some point, probably late 40s. A couple of friends have it and I only know because they’ve told me. Can’t imagine dh ever telling me not to do something, I’d find that very unattractive.

Lalalalalaflower · 30/05/2022 08:05

Your money, your face, your choice! He doesn't have to agree with you but he can't stop you or emotionally blackmail you by saying it's putting a wedge between you. It isn't hurting him so do what makes you happy! I

Original poster
Cherryana · 30/05/2022 08:10

Having read all your replies and thought about the questions some of you have posed- I don’t think Botox is the issue.

It reveals a lot more about how we deal with difference, conflict, trust, control, manipulation, autonomy and decision making.

Thank you for all your thoughts and different perspectives.

OP posts:
VioletToes · 30/05/2022 08:17

Botox doesn't go unnoticed. If you're in your 40s with no wrinkles, people know you've had Botox.

Doesn't mean they're judging you, or even care. But when my friends try to tell me they've looked into Botox but decided they don't need it just yet I quietly think suuuure 😉

rookiemere · 30/05/2022 08:21

I would equate it to getting a large visible tattoo, or DH growing a handlebar moustache. Sure it's his body and he can do what he wants, but his choices reflect on how attractive or otherwise I find him and if I want to be seem with me.

I agree with body autonomy but I wouldn't want to be with someone who had visible facial work done as it rarely seems to improve things for the better, If it's not noticeable then crack on and don't tell him.

toomuchlaundry · 30/05/2022 08:23

What’s the point of Botox if no-one can tell you have had it?

Minimalme · 30/05/2022 08:30

Cherryana · 30/05/2022 08:10

Having read all your replies and thought about the questions some of you have posed- I don’t think Botox is the issue.

It reveals a lot more about how we deal with difference, conflict, trust, control, manipulation, autonomy and decision making.

Thank you for all your thoughts and different perspectives.

I think you are right op.

I had a partner years ago who had 'opinions' and would regularly remind me that 'I knew what he was like when we got together' so he never had to change or compromise.

I also had a Mother with strong opinions on everything.

I dumped them both in the end. Life's too short to live in deference to other people's opinions.

Sirzy · 30/05/2022 08:37

toomuchlaundry · 30/05/2022 08:23

What’s the point of Botox if no-one can tell you have had it?

I’m glad you asked that! Sounds a bit Emperors New Clothes to be paying for something that nobody can see

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 30/05/2022 08:46

A lot of people on here confusing botox and fillers. Botox doesn't alter how you look! Only smoothing and even then it's only temporary. I checked with my DH before having botox, but only because of the cost. If I hadn't told him, I doubt he would have noticed

toomuchlaundry · 30/05/2022 08:48

So if Botox doesn’t change the way you look what is the point? I assume if it smooths out wrinkles it is still changing the way you look.

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 30/05/2022 08:49

Sounds a bit Emperors New Clothes to be paying for something that nobody can see

Do you not spend money on skincare? Maintenance haircuts? Something doesn't have to be a huge visible change to make you feel a lot better. It definitely makes a difference but it doesn't change your whole appearance in the way that bad fillers can do

Delatron · 30/05/2022 08:49

Good Botox wouldn’t erase every line. It softens them and you just look less wrinkly. You don’t want to look different so that people notice just fresher.

I tell my DH I’m going for a facial if he asks. He has never questioned this and claims to hate fillers/Botox. He’d definitely say something if he suspected. It’s none of his business really as it’s my money.

It’s interesting the hatred for Botox though. And the secrecy. Other procedures we’re far more open about. I told everyone I had profhilo and also laser treatment a few years ago. I don’t shout about the Botox though.

CaliforniaDrumming · 30/05/2022 08:54

I think it's horrible but if my DH did it, I wouldn't tell him what to do. I wouldn;t be happy with it, but would keep my opinion to myself ( mostly).

Remmy123 · 30/05/2022 08:55

Bloody cheek!!!!

just dont tell him

Ferngreen · 30/05/2022 08:55

Sirzy · 30/05/2022 08:37

I’m glad you asked that! Sounds a bit Emperors New Clothes to be paying for something that nobody can see

Show quote history

If the lines between your eyes are less deep then you look less cross and less tired.
It's nice to look less tired.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 30/05/2022 08:55

I've had it. DH has no opinion on it.

If he did, I'd just get it and not tell him.