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Original poster

I shouldn't admit this... but I wish I had a rich husband!

190 replies

Dreamofriches · 06/05/2022 14:23

Im exhausted about worrying about money 24/7. Exhausted feeling I have no time. Wondering if it will ever get better, and how! Exhausted of pretending to everyone there isn't serious money worries.

I would just love to be like my friends and family who don't have any money worries, have multiple holidays too look forward to, can give their kids amazing education and activities and are planning house renovations because their husbands have become very successful. What a dream! Even just one year of living like this would be bliss.

I know how anti-feminist this is, I know its up to me to be my own rich husband but its hard when you need also have other responsibilities.
I just want to dream a bit of a life where we are having conversations about which country to visit, not how we have to cut back even more.

Im not sure the point of this post, I just want to vent and can't admit this in real life as I know how awful I sound.

OP posts:
Magicfeet11 · 06/05/2022 17:43

I'm probably what would be considered rich. I do a stressful job with long hours and I've been sensible and saved for years to put myself in a secure financial position.
It has been totally worth every ounce of effort but don't kid yourself that people get or keep these high earning high powered jobs easily. It is graft

DeePlume · 06/05/2022 17:44

I had a rich husband. It's harder work than you think!

Nothappyatwork · 06/05/2022 17:45

The male MD of our organisation started in the industry around about the same time as I did obviously he had no interruptions when he had children but I’d say he’s on about 200,000 a year now, lovely man thoroughly decent, has two beautiful children. we know that he has a joint account with his wife because he gave us bank details to pay in charitable donations to and she was named on the account, he went up massively in my estimation when I saw that. Financially secure men do not have to be monsters.

CountTheStars · 06/05/2022 17:45

hmmmm……..the point is you wish you had more money. Leave the rich husband out of it though. That way danger lies

Iamthewombat · 06/05/2022 17:45

Why can't you earn your own money? Everyone has other responsibilities

Why not aim to improve your own financial situation. Seriously, who doesn’t have ‘other responsibilities’. Work your way up to earning what you wish to be earning.

I used to be far below the poverty line. I’ve changed that drastically over many years of hard work despite my responsibilities.

I completed a degree and doubled my earning power.

This is just from the first page. Advice to the OP to work harder and make herself rich.

Nothappyatwork · 06/05/2022 17:46

Oh and ask for it be in graft yeah definitely years on the way up but once you’re there believe me it’s very much a case of just turning up. Our MD does 830 till 5:30 the same as the rest of us the occasional meeting in Manchester or London that I’m sure we has to travel to but frankly I’d swap places with them in a heartbeat.

Wheresthebeach · 06/05/2022 17:46

Wonders off to play the lottery ....

Villagewaspbyke · 06/05/2022 17:47

Mykittensmittens · 06/05/2022 15:07

Well I agree, and it’s a slightly different perspective and not one that makes me happy or comfortable, but it’s the truth.

my DH is financially useless. He came into the marriage having nothing - been renting property and not saving much. Then we met and he managed to really progress his career and we got married and had DC. Then his career went downhill somewhat, for various reasons, long story. He could have made it different.

however I have worked bloody bloody hard since the day I left uni. I’ve stuck with jobs that are stressful, long hours, and hard work. I’ve moved up the career ladder through gritting my teeth and making sacrifices - limited mat leave being one. While all my friends were working PT or having years off, I worked and bloody worked. And now I’m high up in my game. I earn 4 times what my husband does.

and I’m the one to pay for the family of 5 to have holidays. I buy almost everything. I am responsible for everything and my DH who has made different choices just reaps the benefit. I buy a new car, and he just gets to use that lovely new car whenever he fancies. If I want a meal out, I have to pay for all 5 of us as he never has any money. That’s one example of many. Our marriage is far from equal, financially. And yes I’m considering my position at the moment, but if we divorced, he’d reap half of my pension, the house that I’ve paid for, and so on. And no he didn’t contribute by being a SAHM dad or anything, he just insisted he needed to do low paid, stress free work. And due to his age he’ll retire 8 years earlier than me, and I’ll have to keep on slogging keep him fed and watered.

I often wonder if men in high earning positions feel like this but don’t say anything.

I felt like that with my ex - I was working crazy hours while he was in a much more relaxed job. I think probably lots of men in our position do feel the same.

op if you did have a rich husband he would probably resent you! Better to make your own money

PumpkinsandKittens · 06/05/2022 17:48

I wish I did as well and don’t care to admit it, at least if we broke up I would have been entitled to a decent amount in maintenance unlike what I get now zero!

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 17:48

Iamthewombat · 06/05/2022 17:28

As other posters have observed, hahahaha at the people telling the OP to work harder and become rich herself. Because it’s so easy, isn’t it?

Why, why can’t the OP, who is exhausted and has a life so demanding that she’s daydreaming (light-heartedly) of financial rescue just, you know, have a brilliant business idea, secure investment and make millions? She’s simply not trying hard enough. Why can’t she just get an internship at an investment bank then work stupidly long days and be offered one of the few permanent roles and become an investment banker? She is simply not committed enough.

It’s not a judgement on the OP. It’s simply an observation that for many of us, relying on the goodwill of a man is too great a risk and too much of an incursion on our independence.

Libertaire · 06/05/2022 17:50

Why do you think it’s necessary to have testicles to earn lots of money, OP?

I have never found lack of them to be a professional disadvantage.

runnerblade95 · 06/05/2022 17:52

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 06/05/2022 17:20

I know someone who married the son of a billionaire and all she spoke about was how much she hated him and wanted to punish him by not letting him see his child. She was in her 20s when she married him so was very young. She is still married to him as far as I can tell by googling and I am sure she is still as miserable as ever.

My point exactly.

All that glitters is NOT gold.

I am happy with my lot; my husband earns a good enough amount of money per annum that in addition to my wage per annum, we can live comfortably.

But to compare and wish I had more? I refrain from doing so because you simply do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

Namenic · 06/05/2022 17:53

I understand that lacking money is really hard, plus things like illness or other problems. But I think I’d rather wish for a lottery win or improvement for the other things that make it hard for me and DH to make money (eg better job market for our skillset or bonus from company doing well).

I wouldn’t really expect DH to earn more than I do (it’d be just as hard for him to get a better job as me). But I would expect financial responsibility, equal effort into coping with family life. Hope things will improve for you

AnSionnachGlic · 06/05/2022 17:55

I definitely see where you're coming from Op . Money doses not buy happiness but by God it takes the sting out of misery! My dh and myself are 2 professionals who worked in medium earning jobs. We had 4 children and had a good quality of life. However, I got sick and had to give up my career, 10 years ago, and we had to rely on my dps salary. We struggled, even though we had one good ( fairly good) income, and life was tough juggling my health needs, 4 children and a v stretched budget. Six months ago, I inherited a large sum of money, and the difference in our lives has been incredible. I still have my health issues and my dh still works, but that dread of a large utility bill, or the car needing servicing etc, is gone. We have been able to upgrade our car, plan holidays, do house renovations, pay our children/ young adult's college fees etc , and secure our pensions. I have been able to afford a cleaner and sign up for another college course of my choice, which has greatly improved my physical and mental stress. Money DOES make life easier. My dh actually enjoys his career now as he feels that awful financial burden is lifted. Hence he is in better form and we all get on so much better. I still wake up in morning and feel so grateful !

Onwards22 · 06/05/2022 17:56

Why assume you'd want them to be stressed out? No the opposite, passionate about their work, and that they find it fulfilling.

Most people who are rich through work, work extremely long hours and have stressful jobs.
Most do not get to see their family very often and their partners feel like single parents.
If it was so easy to be rich we all would be.

I like the thought of having a successful provider for the children that I could really respect and admire in all honesty. It very attractive to me.

You can have that without needing someone to be rich.

It makes me sad that you feel you need to look for that in a husband rather than being the good role model for your children by being the successful one.

Booboobibles · 06/05/2022 17:57

I’m sure that realistically we’d all rather earn our own money but realistically (for me at least) that isn’t going to happen because of age, circumstances and health.

I could have had a relationship with a wealthy man but he was 23 years older than me and I couldn't have done it. There’s no way I could live the standard busy life that the majority on here think of as normal. It sounds like hell. I’m planning to buy a van and tour the country (and maybe France) in the next few years.

Booboobibles · 06/05/2022 17:57

I said realistically too many times!

Villagewaspbyke · 06/05/2022 17:58

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 16:53

I can totally relate to wanting to be rich but I can't think of anything worse than having your financial health depend on your husband.

You would never ever feel totally comfortable. Everything that you think of as yours would be contingent on you behaving well, being nice to him, being a good housekeeper, being attractive, producing enough kids, being good enough in bed, whatever the milestone might be.

Someone will tip up in a minute to say its all "family money" etc etc. And it is in the sense that you could have some protection in the event he ran off with his assistant. But you would always feel that your money was conditional. I'm a single mum and have never been able to rely on anyone else's money and to be honest I now think that this is a blessing. Everything I've made is mine (and my daughter's) and I don't have to worry about it being taken away because I'm not deemed to be a good enough wife.

Honestly I can't think of anything worse.

Totally agree. Im a single mum and I’d rather be a single mum and be self supporting than dependent on a rich husband. It’s not your money

drippytap5 · 06/05/2022 17:59

I know someone who earns about 1-1.5m a yr as lawyer, that's a nice budget to be fair 😆

drippytap5 · 06/05/2022 17:59

probably better to have rich parents or win the lotto though

Grantanow · 06/05/2022 18:00

Don't marry for money. Marry for love but go where money is if you can.

TheWeeDonkey · 06/05/2022 18:01

From my MN experience you don't necessarily want a rich husband but a generous and supportive husband which is something else entirely.

Sorry you're feeling so shit though have a 🍰 and a 🍷

Foodbanksshouldbeobsolete · 06/05/2022 18:03

I don't think like this at all about a man fixing the financial worries for me but I do sometimes wish I could win the lottery or become independently wealthy in some way. I would rather be poor every day of my life than be with the wrong man, but I think if you've found the right one in every other way but money is tight it's understandable for you to wish the finances were different. I think the only thing at odds with feminism is thinking it's him who needs to be rich in particular not just you/both of you generally

Whosaidthattt · 06/05/2022 18:04

I also wish my husband earned more. I work full time in a stressful job and have 3 teens. I'm exhausted. My friends all work part time in low stress jobs, for a bit of extra 'pocket money'. I am so jealous of them!

Iamthewombat · 06/05/2022 18:05

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/05/2022 17:48

It’s not a judgement on the OP. It’s simply an observation that for many of us, relying on the goodwill of a man is too great a risk and too much of an incursion on our independence.

Show quote history

No, the people advising the OP to work harder and become rich were not doing so because they didn’t want her to be dependent on a man, or because her independence would be compromised (in the OP’s daydream! Have we all lost sight of that, in our keenness to tell her that earning power is not restricted to men?).

They were doing it because they wanted to have a dig. Like the poster who told her that nobody rich would even consider her.