I shouldn't admit this... but I wish I had a rich husband!

[Dreamofriches]

Im exhausted about worrying about money 24/7. Exhausted feeling I have no time. Wondering if it will ever get better, and how! Exhausted of pretending to everyone there isn't serious money worries.

I would just love to be like my friends and family who don't have any money worries, have multiple holidays too look forward to, can give their kids amazing education and activities and are planning house renovations because their husbands have become very successful. What a dream! Even just one year of living like this would be bliss.

I know how anti-feminist this is, I know its up to me to be my own rich husband but its hard when you need also have other responsibilities.
I just want to dream a bit of a life where we are having conversations about which country to visit, not how we have to cut back even more.

Im not sure the point of this post, I just want to vent and can't admit this in real life as I know how awful I sound.

Correct.

he definitely facilitated nothing. He was working too, but in very low paid work. So things like school runs and clubs and bills and all household tasks fall to me. And if we tried it differently, he’d fail at the responsibility (be late for school, forget appts etc,) and then I’d have to pick that back up as I can’t bear ineffectiveness. He was and always will be selectively incapable.

I don’t want someone to provide for me. But I didn’t sign up to be a provider either (not for a partner anyway) But I’d like not to feel like I have 4 DC rather than the 3 I actually do have.

I totally agree op. Yes lots of people say go out and earn your own money which would be fabulous. But it’s not just down to hard work, you need intelligence, skills/talent and a lot of luck. That’s before you get to the gender pay gap.
If you take two people with not very good qualifications at 18, then by 30 the woman will probably still be on not much more than minimum wage whilst the man will probably be on average wage so a £10k difference.

I'm sure lots of women feel like this! Don't feel bad!

Do they? I don't!
I'd rather earn my own money.

I would rather be rich in my own right than rely on my husband to maintain my standard of living. What if your rich husband doled out a monthly allowance and insisted you account for every penny? Or insisted you wear hideous designer clothes that he buys for you? Or is utterly shit in bed but you put up with it because he's rich?

My first husband wasn't rich. Life was hard and I hated worrying about money all the time.

My 2nd husband is a lot better off and life is so much easier and happier.

My earnings have tripled too since my first marriage so that helps too!

I would advise my DD to aim first of all for a good education, a qualification or career path in something that pays well and an equitable marriage with someone who is happy to share the load but equally has decent career aspirations.

In the absence of any of these, a rich husband isn't the worst fallback. If they don't pull their weight at home and with childcare, at least you can work part-time or hire childcare help/a cleaner. And then of course you're entitled to a share of the marital assets and decent child maintenance if you split. Just makes life much easier.

I'd also rather have a husband who contributed equally to childcare and household chores so I could develop my own career.
That's what women should aspire to!

I don’t wish for a rich husband, but sometimes I wish I’d find a winning lottery ticket or inherit suddenly from a (non existent) rich relative. I think that’s a normal thing to idly fantasise about.

I feel this OP.

I worked my arse off to get to a decent salary and the cost of living crisis has destroyed all of our disposable income, and I feel like I have the stress of being the main breadwinner. DH earns less than me but he should theoretically earn more in the future.

Its hard carrying the financial burden.

I just want to win the lottery!

I agree, but easier said than done often, though. Lockdown demonstrated how much domestic responsibility still rests on women, with many working full-time, homeschooling full-time and doing all the chores. Many men are sabotaging their partners' attempts to further their careers and increase their earning potential by not stepping up at home.

I agree. I spent a number of years not working but in that time the only thing that my husband did was earn the money and come home from work once a week in time to read DD a story.

I bought every item of food in the house, wrote every birthday and Christmas card, bought and wrapped every birthday and Christmas present for both sides of the family, cooked every meal, organised every birthday party, every joint night out and that's before all the school stuff. It's easy for me to say now, and sadly it doesn't help you, but your husband should have been pulling his weight in the relationship. It doesn't matter who earns the money, but in a marriage that person shouldn't also be having to do everything else as well.

Briefly, yes I work and have done for 25 years!
I know people think its old fashioned, but boy for just once it be nice to relax and just be taken care of, I don't want more stress I want less.

Id also accept a rich wife or lottery win too!

My DH probably wishes he had a rich wife.

I wish I’d married for money-
literally would kill for a bigger house and more holidays!

I want to be financially secure

I would love a lottery win or trust fund to drop out of the sky into my lap

What I don’t want is to be dependent on the whims of someone else

I wish I was rich.

I have a favourites file on RightMove ready for when I win the
lottery. I've also worked out exactly how much I will give to my adult children and how much I will splash out on exotic holidays. It's a lovely pipe dream, and until the numbers are drawn and I realise I haven't won (again), it's a dream that might come true

I think you imagine a rich husband just gives his money to his wife with no strings attached. I doubt very much that's how it works. Money equals power and there are things there are usually lots of "strings". Aim to get rich yourself, and marry someone with equal wealth.

My DH wasn't rich when we met, but he was successful in his career and sensible with money. I have to admit, that was part of the attraction. Now twenty-plus years later, it's worked out well.

Doubt it- because having a woman at home generally enhances their life and their happiness. Bonus if she’s gym-toned and sorting out all the kids and life admin (be that sorting out the ‘staff’ or handing it by themselves).

I have never met a ‘crap with money’ husband or SAHD who was sex on legs to look at, or actually pulled his weight 120% at home. The SAH dads I know still end up wanting cleaners who the wife has to source and liase with, and spend an ungodly amount of time gaming.

a ‘kept woman’ tends to enhance the life of a man because we are socialised and motivated to do more for our families

a man in the same boat rarely has the same motivations

I don't think you sound awful at all. What's wrong with having a rich husband? All this 'I want to earn my own money' is admirable, but not everyone is capable of it. You can study, get excellent qualifications, but that doesn't necessarily equate to finding a high paying job. One of my daughters got a first class degree, but she struggled for years before she found a reasonable job.

Another daughter has two masters degrees but only found a job with a very average salary. Becoming rich in your own right isn't easy.

The point is to have enough money coming in for the household's needs, no matter which partner earns it.

Not having enough is an awful situation, and there are many, many people struggling.

It’s all relative. You could have a rich husband who treats you like shit. You wouldn’t be happy then. In fact you’d probably trade your fancy lifestyle for a someone who loves and values you. Money does not equate to happiness.

Meh; I know a few Women with high-earning husbands and the pay off is they hardly see them. All very well having a lovely big house if you're rattling around in it on your own once you've spent the day running round after the kids.

We have a tiny flat but my soon to be DH is home by 6 every day to cook dinner. That's good enough for me.

Even if you have good qualifications unless you are someone with excellent family support or you're happy to have a nanny or au pair to look after the kids outside normal childcare hours it's difficult for both parents to have the sort of jobs that make you rich (Claudia Goldin calls these greedy jobs and said that they are one of the main causes of inequality between men and women).

There are many of us who out-earned male partners before having kids but are now stuck whilst the men's salaries have increased significantly. We may have chosen to prioritise our kids over our work, but often the choice to co-parent equitably hasn't been on offer for various reasons not of our making, and was not what we envisaged when getting pregnant.

@Mykittensmittens have you actually taken any legal advice on this? My understanding is that wives often get a large share of the family assets because their support has enabled the successful husband in his career. If you can demonstrate that this is not the case perhaps he’d be entitled to quite a lot less, especially if you had the DC for most of the time.

I would also feel bitter about this but don’t stay if you are miserable and resentful, life really is too short and you are bright and hard working enough to recover from any financial loss.