Why is children's behaviour worse these days?

[salviapages]

I recently retrained as a primary teacher, did placements in a few schools then worked as a supply teacher so seen a wide range and I've been shocked at the behaviour. Nothing like how I remember kids in my class at primary being.

Every teacher I've spoken to about this says behaviour has gotten worse over the years and I've seen mumsnetters say the same, including in the current thread about teachers leaving the profession.

So - why is this? Have we changed how we raise children? Have schools changed? Why the rise in bad behaviour?

@Rebecca1305

I’d hate to have you all as parents. There’s ways to discipline with gentle parenting - ways that won’t make your child fear you. I bet a lot of you on this thread support smacking too.

Like what?

A lot of children are raised in environments they aren’t completely secure and happy in, despite their loving parents doing their best. I think we underestimate how unsettling it is for children to swop between homes at weekends but it’s commonplace nowadays.

As more parents need to work and so spend less time with their children, they are understandably keen to make the time they do spend with their children positive and enjoyable. That and their feelings of guilt make them more likely to give in to demands and overlook behaviour that they should pull their children up on.

I don't understand the desire to have your child fear you and being scared of their parents. That's horrible.

Do you really want your child to not see you as a friend and someone to help them? I'd hate it if my child feared me.

I am one of those sneeringly referred to upthread who talks about ‘in my day’ quite a lot. Don’t people realise one day they will too?
It’s glaringly obvious why children are worse behaved nowadays - just look at a typical day on here and you will see varying degrees of nonsense from parents who seem to think the more aggressively they micromanage every aspect of their child’s life and those in it, the better parents they are.
The result is entitled children who know that any sign of trouble will have their parents running up to school to protect their precious chick.
Any reference to earlier parenting techniques are sneeringly slapped down. Older people - who have brought up their own children - apparently don’t know what they are talking about and need to have things ‘gently explained’ to them so they can see the error if their ways. What these mums don’t seem to realise is that one day their way will be sneered at and they will be regarded as old fashioned and dated.

Too many children rule the roost because parents want any easy life and give in to all demands. Too many parents with their heads in phones and only take notice of their offspring when the want to pose them for Instagram. Parents that don't take the time to chat to their children. Too many children are dragged up not brought up.

@Rebecca1305

I’d hate to have you all as parents. There’s ways to discipline with gentle parenting - ways that won’t make your child fear you. I bet a lot of you on this thread support smacking too.

Honestly I think people remember things differently. My mum will tell me I “cajole” my toddler rather than tell him, which I do to an extent as arguing with a three year old all day, every day doesn’t appeal to me. But you’d think her kids were angels when I very vividly remember my brother assaulting her and being locked in a room with her away from him when I was kid, whilst he trashed the house. She used to ground him and he’d jump out the window. So all the parenting advice she has for me now isn’t based on experience but false memories of how successful her authoritarian approach was for her! I suspect many posters here are the same.

why did you start this thread? So people can criticise parents on a parenting forum designed to help people?
Well done

Gentle parenting is about having firm boundaries, saying no and heck, maybe even making your kids cry. Toddler DS cried today because he wasn’t walking in a straight line and was getting in the way of people on the high street, so I put him back in the buggy, because annoying other people isnt on. Despite this, I consider myself a gentle parent. A lot of critics and sadly, some proponents of gentle parenting confuse it with being permissive. If you are permissive in your parenting then you aren’t being gentle. A lot of people need to do some reading about the differences between the two, it would seem.

Some arrived Monday morning with pupils like saucers after they’d inhaled weed all weekend via passive smoking.

No, I'm sorry. You don't get dilates eyes the size of saucers from smoking weed, let alone from passive smoking! That's something you get from hallucinogenics and psychedelics like LSD or shrooms, or stimulants like cocaine and MDMA. Red, glassy, heavy eyes are more common with cannabis. It's really not a known, common sign of weed-smoking at all.

The vast vast majority of children in schools behave well. Those who don't often have complex special needs which cannot be met in a mainstream environment, considerable early childhood trauma or a combination of the two. It is not to do with nursery or parents both working or gentle parenting.

I think lack of exercise and outdoor play doesn't help. My dds school has squeezed most breaks into small slots during the day and the mere hint of rain and they're inside with a film on instead. When I was little the teachers wouldn't let us inside the buildings at break because they were all having a smoke in the staff room, you just had to wear a coat!

I saw a noticeable difference in her focus and behaviour during lockdown learning when she had been on a dog walk before we sat down to start the work so now I make sure she walks to school whenever it's not a complete downpour.

@HereLiveIAmNotACat

I think partially down to a change in society that forces both parents into work, which adds extra stress to family life and less focus on parenting. If both parents don’t work this is extra financial stress.

And a greater sense of entitlement- kids know their rights these days and teachers are limited on how they are able to discipline children (which I do agree with even though it no doubt leads to poorer behaviour). Society has got a lot ‘softer’.

I agree with this (although I'm very glad children know their rights! When I was a child adults were always believed and that has resulted in many growing up to become 'damaged' adults.)

Also I think previously there was more family influence which helped reinforce behaviour. Now, children's grandparents are often both working full time too, Aunts/Uncles etc. also busy with work so not enough time together with family whose morals which align.

Children spend more time with their peers online than family in a lot of cases.

There are no longer any consequences for bad behaviour. The police have no powers , the teachers have no powers , these kids no longer have any respect for authority. Parents not even allowed to give some of these brats a well deserved backhanded.
And yes I'm fully prepared for a mumsnet pile on!!

@Dailyfailcanfeckoff oh you definitely get worse behaviour as a supply, but also heard many teachers say same thing. I'm currently a class teacher in a class with wonderful behaviour and all my colleagues are constantly commenting on how lucky I am and how you rarely get classes like this anymore

@AliceW89

Gentle parenting is about having firm boundaries, saying no and heck, maybe even making your kids cry. Toddler DS cried today because he wasn’t walking in a straight line and was getting in the way of people on the high street, so I put him back in the buggy, because annoying other people isnt on. Despite this, I consider myself a gentle parent. A lot of critics and sadly, some proponents of gentle parenting confuse it with being permissive. If you are permissive in your parenting then you aren’t being gentle. A lot of people need to do some reading about the differences between the two, it would seem.

So what does your gentle parenting involve? Curious

I have children in primary and I am always being complimented by teachers on my children’s good behaviour and lovely manners. Why is that? It’s because they are taught at home to remember to say please and thank you, to listen to their teachers and don’t interrupt, to do as they are asked and to be kind to the other children in their class.

We don’t allow shitty behaviour at home and we wouldn’t allow it at school.

@Katyppp

I am one of those sneeringly referred to upthread who talks about ‘in my day’ quite a lot. Don’t people realise one day they will too? It’s glaringly obvious why children are worse behaved nowadays - just look at a typical day on here and you will see varying degrees of nonsense from parents who seem to think the more aggressively they micromanage every aspect of their child’s life and those in it, the better parents they are. The result is entitled children who know that any sign of trouble will have their parents running up to school to protect their precious chick. Any reference to earlier parenting techniques are sneeringly slapped down. Older people - who have brought up their own children - apparently don’t know what they are talking about and need to have things ‘gently explained’ to them so they can see the error if their ways. What these mums don’t seem to realise is that one day their way will be sneered at and they will be regarded as old fashioned and dated.

Doesn't it ever occur to you to wonder why if your generation's parenting was so superior you collectively managed to raise a generation who have chosen pretty resoundingly not to emulate it?

I actually don't think everyone does slip into the 'in my day' thing as they get old, it's a mentality not an inevitability. I know plenty of older people who don't do it, and, to my absolute horror, I'm starting to encounter people my age who do it now. Which shows how ridiculous it is because people were saying exactly the same about us in the 90s and those people seem to have totally wiped that out of their memories.

I hear stories from my parents when they were little and remember stories from my grandparents when they were little and I'm not at all convinced that children these days have worse behaviour.

The Internet and gaming.

But also the socrates quote - I remember that from my behaviour management course many moons ago!

I think it’s a variety of things all at once. Of course there has always been poor parenting and badly behaved children but poor behaviour is now more normalised. Parents are quite rightly trying to provide the best for their children but now that equates to more things and activities/entertainment whereas at one point it was ensuring they had the most options e.g. focus on education, work ethic, respect and firm boundaries. I think by parenting becoming more child want led as opposed to developing independence they have become entitled and at school there simply isn’t enough resource to keep them entertained and engaged in learning making them frustrated and unheard. But the leading thought is let kids be kids, enjoy their childhood which means you have people in their 20’s who aren’t independent (not talking financially - that’s another issue) - and then people say but they’re still you g and their brains are still developing so it’s ok they’re immature. Adulthood used to start between 16 and 18 but this seems to be getting older and older.

I have a friend with a 6 year old who believes in self regulation, in other words her child stops watching the mood when they feel they have had enough, she’s allowed to choose her own clothes/brush hair etc even if she looks scruffy for school and behaviour towards others in rarely corrected. She is one of the worst behaved children in the class! The lack of discipline and boundaries isn’t doing her any favours!

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."

Socrates.

'Twas ever thus.

@Stellaris22

I don't understand the desire to have your child fear you and being scared of their parents. That's horrible.

Do you really want your child to not see you as a friend and someone to help them? I'd hate it if my child feared me.

Children can experience natural negative consequences for things without ending up scared of their parents.

There is a huge amount of parenting ground between controlling children through fear and letting them do wtf they like.

Children need to see their parents as people who will teach them and keep them safe first and foremost. That is more important than being their friend, they have actual friends for friendship.

@Rebecca1305

I’d hate to have you all as parents. There’s ways to discipline with gentle parenting - ways that won’t make your child fear you. I bet a lot of you on this thread support smacking too.

🤣🤣🤣