Why is children's behaviour worse these days?

[salviapages]

I recently retrained as a primary teacher, did placements in a few schools then worked as a supply teacher so seen a wide range and I've been shocked at the behaviour. Nothing like how I remember kids in my class at primary being.

Every teacher I've spoken to about this says behaviour has gotten worse over the years and I've seen mumsnetters say the same, including in the current thread about teachers leaving the profession.

So - why is this? Have we changed how we raise children? Have schools changed? Why the rise in bad behaviour?

I noticed behaviour declined as children started to spend longer on ‘devices’ and especially when games like Fortnite became popular. I think they affect ability to concentrate and poor concentration definitely affects behaviour.

Has it? Born in Brixton, early 60s. Several children in my primary 1 class regularly hit others, swore at teacher. One was put outside in the corridor at least once every few days for upending tables and throwing chairs.

Where are the decent celebrity role models and family tv shows?

I think teenage behaviour is much better. Drugs, sex and risk taking behaviours have decreased. I like that we have changed as a society to see that young teenage girls are being abused whereas back in the day it csa wasn't taken seriously.

Primary age DC in my experience are pretty awful now. Rude, answering back - especially rude to parents.

There needs to be a way where dcs needs are met, gentle parenting and learning how to regulate themselves occurs- but with boundaries.

The mobile phones really don't help, some are addicted to them and have lost the cognitive skill to look up information in a book. I think it affect their concentration

@partiallymartially

Parenting has changed and there has been a societal shift in perception of teachers.

Technology has had an adverse impact on development.

Inclusion has also had an impact on behavioural standards. Previously children with clear additional needs would have been sent to special schools if not institutions.

I think the last point here is the biggest reason.

Beginning of this school year I had a relative “easy” class who only had minor behavioural issues which were quickly dealt with i.e. low level chatting, friendship fall outs etc. Cut to middle of term 2 and a child with significant needs joined the class. Suddenly my easy class isn’t so easily managed. 1. I am so busy trying to keep a lid on one child’s behaviour that other low level situations now need to reach a much higher threshold to be noticed and 2. Everyone in the class is in a much higher state of alert and as such behaviour escalates.

Schools are looked down upon and seen as failing if they issue suspensions/exclusions and there is a distinct lack of support for schools dealing with children with behavioural issues, unless they have very significant ASN there’s simply nowhere for them to go and no money to fund the extra resources/staff they need.

I think adults have forgotten how to be authoritative. I also don’t think teacher training concentrates enough of classroom management and how to be “in charge”;how to cultivate that look and no-nonsense attitude that kids can smell and respect.

I think that new/younger teachers, especially women, have been bought up in an environment where everyone is equal and you have to be kind and nice and fluffy. That just doesn’t work in a classroom. Teaching is a huge responsibility and I reckon you must need a huge amount of self belief and confidence to do it well.

I also think parents have less need to parent their children because it’s easy to occupy a child by sticking it in front of a screen. Fewer opportunities to get in trouble, so less need for active parenting, and when a child kicks off at school, parents blame the school either because they never have to engage seriously at home, or because their little Jonny could never be the problem.

Our naice middle class primary has a surprising number of arsehole parents.

Parents want to be liked by their children and be their friend. More separated parents who want to be "the best" parent.

Not wanting to be seen as being harsh.

Not having much time to spend with your child as both parents have to work.

Tired children who spend too much time on screens.

Other adults not being "allowed" to tell children off.

I think It is
A) Technology- increased use at school and at home. I bet even if it at school if it was cut down to once a week Technology lessons behaviour would improve.
B) Parents don't have time for their children. More and more are at nursery/ school with wraparound childcare. Plus they're knackered once home. More and more at holiday clubs. Parents have to work or they can't pay bills, so I'm not trying to bash them, I just mean that has got to have an effect.

The reason it seems worse in schools is due to inclusion. Children who previously would have been sent to special schools are kept in mainstream, some cope well and dome can have challenging behaviour. And exclusions aren’t as frequent anymore. It costs a school to exclude a child, they can’t afford to do it. The school I worked at had funds to cover excluding 3/4 kids per year, out of the more than 1000 that attended the school. So students were only excluded for physical abuse to staff or repeated drug offences. I had a student repeatedly sexually harass me, that didn’t warrant exclusion.

Behaviour of kids and parenting hasn’t changed that much. There’s always been good and bad parents, and well behaved and poorly behaved kids.

No idea but I've lived in France for 20 years and recently went to the UK first time in 3 years and when I was in the supermarket I was quite shocked at the noise and behaviour of young kids with their parents.

2 years of global pandemic, 3 lockdowns , 2 years of restrictions on normal life, face masks, vaccinations missed schooling, missed childhood experiences, ill health- mental and physical

As a teacher do you really not know?

@WorriedMillie

So much entitlement….entitled parents raising entitled children

Oh yes.

Every generation thinks later generations are degenerates and that they are far worse behaved than they ever were. The truth is older generations of children were still badly behaved - they just hid it better. Social media makes it easy to share what is happening which makes it appear more widespread. You rarely see praise for the younger members of society who are well mannered, helpful and respectful and so they become invisible and it's easy to believe that they don't exist. As people grow older they seem to become less tolerant of children's behaviours (which is understandable in itself).

The worst behaved children or those with behavioural problems used to be shipped of to borstal and hidden away whereas today there is more focus on helping those children adapt and making adjustments to benefit them rather than expecting them to fit into a society that doesn't work for them. Then there is the fact that while children in generations gone by would generally have one parent at home, now both parents generally have to work and so the family unit is more broken up than previously. We rely on childcare who cannot provide the same amount of attention.

It is true that there is also less fear of authority but I disagree that is a bad thing, the problem is the lack of respect which is entirely different and often learnt from those around them who think that authority has gone soft and therefore don't teach their children to respect it. (this is an observation based solely on my own experiences though and clearly won't apply to everyone). For the most part parents are trying their best to bring up respectful, we'll mannered children and most will succeed, sadly the minority of badly behaved children will always overshadow the majority of the less scandalous, typical children.

Basically down to kids never getting told no kids are never punished and get away with murder and if they have issues in school its never there kids fault always someone else's, kids these day have no rules and rule there parents, I have a 9 Yr old ds and he has been picked on from yr1 at school and the school response is to give the bully a reward book, every lesson he didn't hurt a child they got a sticker ect yet if my ds retaliates he loses breaks and lunches or is sent to head teachers office, lack of 9 parenting is the worst now

I think some parents are reluctant to say "no". You see this in restaurants when small dc are allowed to roam about when the serving staff are carrying trays of hot liquids, or at the doctors when they are allowed to play about with expensive medical equipment. It's bizarre really, it's not the fault of the dc, and they wouldn't necessarily have to be told "no" either if the parents had set them up with some basic realistic guidance beforehand about how they are expected to behave in public.

The root problem that lies behind this imho is that the emphasis now is on the self-development of the child (as it should be) - self-confidence, self-fulfillment etc which are all good things - but children aren't imo taught to think enough about others too. That's all that poor behaviour is after all, an inability to consider how your actions affect others

It's one of the most difficult things about parenting imo. You want your dc to be confident and to be able to advocate for themselves and not be a sheep, but you also want them to have a bit of healthy humility too and consideration for other's views and feelings. A very difficult line to negotiate.

@Bytrgrewd

In my experience teenage behaviour is a lot better now than in my youth! Not as much heavy drinking and casual sex.

Because they are all too bloody anxious to go outside!

I think some of it is because adults can't police other kids anymore. When I were young, if I were messing about in the road with my ball and bike and we were being noisy or whatever, someone would come out and tell us off and to be quiet etc. Not a parent, just an adult we were annoying. If we told our parents we'd been told off by some one, parent should side with other adult and tell us off for a second time.

Last year, one of my neighbours told a kid off outside for screaming swear words... Kid told his parents.. parents wen marching around to the other guys house and a fight broke out..
"You ain't my kids dad, you don't tell my kid what to facking do"
Etc.

I once worked with a guy who had a kid that got told off at school his reaction was go to the school and start threatening the headmaster.

The world is changed, not for the better.

Speaking for middle class children, a lot of gentle parenting.

The 11 year old daughter of a good friend snapped something of mine in half while making eye contact, just to see what would happen. Nothing did. (It was a new but fairly cheap thing and her mother is always very generous to us.)

One child I know from school just runs around hitting people whenever he's out of school - he has hit both me and DH quite hard - we did say quite firmly no don't hit and he hasn't done it since (to us). His mum has never asked him not to. He is honestly a lovely child but not being done any favours.

@cafedesreves

I find this really interesting... I agree I think "gentle parenting" can lead to poor behaviour. Big difference between being afraid of your parents and understanding firm boundaries.

Well you can’t really have the latter without the former - there’s no incentive to stick to a boundary unless there’s some form of consequences which they ‘fear’. I am not talking about corporal punishment before anyone starts, I mean missing out on sweets, joining in with a game etc if they’ve done something knowingly naughty.

And I agree with PPs that ‘gentle parenting’ has a lot to answer for and is a load of crap

I had an electrician here the other day and he was chatting away about his three year old and then he just said 'we've never said no to her, ever. It's not her fault she was born' as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I was agog.

Something I have noticed is that when the parents pick their dc up they are almost always on their phones. They hardly bother to look at them. The dc will run out with a painting or just generally pleased to see their grown up and they just say 'hello' and off they shuffle.

I’d hate to have you all as parents.

There’s ways to discipline with gentle parenting - ways that won’t make your child fear you. I bet a lot of you on this thread support smacking too.

Children with SEN are not to blame for rhe behaviour of children without SEN.