Why is children's behaviour worse these days?

[salviapages]

I recently retrained as a primary teacher, did placements in a few schools then worked as a supply teacher so seen a wide range and I've been shocked at the behaviour. Nothing like how I remember kids in my class at primary being.

Every teacher I've spoken to about this says behaviour has gotten worse over the years and I've seen mumsnetters say the same, including in the current thread about teachers leaving the profession.

So - why is this? Have we changed how we raise children? Have schools changed? Why the rise in bad behaviour?

@Organictangerine

I think children learn very quickly that what is acceptable in one setting (home, for example) may not be acceptable in another.

Too confusing for a 2 year old. A 4 or 5 year old, yes.

It's not up to nurseries or other parents to dictate the boundaries that parents set in their own homes. I'm not going to forbid something just because it's forbidden at nursery/a friend's house if actually it's OK in our house (getting out more than one box of toys, for example).

I guess because of the name gentle TBH. I don’t think of it as particularly gentle, it’s just normal to me. And now it’s associated with permissive parenting which I do think is harmful, lack of boundaries etc.

I’m not one for labelling how I do things really, I just want to do what I think is right in any given moment without worrying about whether it fits into a philosophy.

Well that’s fine @Goldbar but you can’t complain when your child is quite confused at being told off for something that is fine and dandy at home.

My logic is they’ll spend much more of their life outside my home than in it, so it’s my job to (gradually and appropriately) prepare them for that. Life is about being a team player.

@Organictangerine

Well that’s fine *@Goldbar* but you can’t complain when your child is quite confused at being told off for something that is fine and dandy at home.

My logic is they’ll spend much more of their life outside my home than in it, so it’s my job to (gradually and appropriately) prepare them for that. Life is about being a team player.

But surely there's loads of stuff that's ok at home and not at nursery / school / work?

Sitting around in your pants, picking your nose, going to the loo with the door open. My two do all that at home but I've never been told they do it elsewhere. Apart from the nose picking actually, that is prolific.

I do think there is a preoccupation in the UK with 'teaching' and 'preparing' children for eventualities which are just allowed to unfold in other cultures. Getting babies in routines 'ready for school', was advice I was given! A British relative of mine had a real thing about teaching my DD to walk, as though if she didn't step in, she'd just never learn. She was on the later side but I'm not convinced all the walking lessons made much of a difference, she did it when she was ready as she was always going to.

@Organictangerine

Well that’s fine *@Goldbar* but you can’t complain when your child is quite confused at being told off for something that is fine and dandy at home.

My logic is they’ll spend much more of their life outside my home than in it, so it’s my job to (gradually and appropriately) prepare them for that. Life is about being a team player.

It's not about being permissive at home, it's about parents and settings having different rules and standards (which is absolutely fine). Even very young children can understand this when they become familiar with a setting (my DC at 2.5 knew that they had to hang up their coat and bag on their hook before going to play because that was just the rule at nursery). If I allow my child to dump water on the floor at home (or in our case, do painting or drawing on our tiled kitchen floor), it doesn't follow that they're going to think it is fine to do this at a friend's house or nursery. This is just something they do at home with mummy sometimes but not other places, like splash in the bath and lick the cake mix bowl. There is a 'core' of unacceptable behaviour like hitting, pushing, snatching and ignoring instructions, but aside from that a lot of things are parenting choices.

Recently my children have started to play up and not listen, they even have paddies at the littlest things & it makes me feel like a bad mum when I’m having to tell them loads to move from where they paddying. As anyone any advice on what do to?

"Paddies"
"Paddying"
Seriously?

I always remember my dad saying to us that we were to do what we were told at school and he would always support our teachers. He was a lovely, gentle man and showed us the importance of being respectful to others around us.

Yeah Iv informed the school as sometimes he comes out in one of his little strops, just thought I would see if anyone as advice that’s all x

What’s your problem? If u can’t be nice please don’t comment thanks

Just ignore that poster

The language is offensive, that's the issue.
I thought it was (thankfully) outdated at this stage but I guess I was wrong.

How is it ? :/ go comment else where your comments ain’t needed thank you

You can look it up if you want @Jessijanee19.
Seriously, it's an expression that can cause offence.
I think how to deal with your DC would depend on the age. It can be normal behaviour at toddlers/preschool age, testing boundaries etc. With an older child I'd try to be consistent, firm but fair.

He’s 9 but feels at minute that if he plays up he will get what he wants. He point blank refuses to move from where he’s stood then back chats. I only come on here for advice not se have negativity x

Yes, sorry, the phrase annoys me but I won't say any more. Sorry about the derail. Good luck with your DC. Is it outside the house that he's playing up mostly or is it inside too? Could he be showing off to his friends or anything like that?

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/paddy

what?! It’s means to get into an angry state. Dictionary definition. As well as any other interpretation. Also dictionary defined.

You’re just looking for offended here surely? The word was used entirely correctly.

Read your link down to the end @Tiredalwaystired, it'll give a clue as to why the phrase is problematic. I got somewhat offended because it is an offensive term - the etymology of it, the history behind it, the reason it came into use. I thought its use would have died out by now.
I am a bit surprised at people defending it.

I do appreciate the pp didn't mean it in that way at all, and I am sorry I brought it up now as I didn't mean to stop her getting help. It was just so disconcerting to read. If anyone has advice for the pp please let's talk about that now.

A good idea.

And in that spirit I'll proffer some. Be jolly and nice but firm, and most of the time they'll forget about being angry. If that doesn't work, you have bigger issues.

I think that's more to do with differences between generations. Middle-aged people with responsibilities looking at kids and saying 'well we were never like that', forgetting that they were.

But what I'm hearing from teachers is a noticeable change in the space of a few years, and a dramatic decline since Covid. Apparently the problem is more the parents. Instead of supporting teachers, they're aggressive towards them, and blindly believe anything their children tell them. Another factor is screens destroying concentration. Social media also increases bullying and other bad behaviours.

I think it's a combination. Parents are knackered as both are working full time. Speaking from experience we are sometimes too tired to discipline and it is easier to stick them on an ipad - therefore missing those precious learning opportunities to discipline as well.

There's less shame as more and more parents do the above. Leading to an increased workload at school. Add in a lack of public spending on schools, police, lack of opportunities.

Nobody cares. It's horrible.

Because of the parents of their parents of course! The same people who complain about the younger generation when they directly influenced it.

I'm pretty sure there was a poem about children's behaviour written centuries ago...

Yes, because what stressed out parents really need when asking for help is some self important virtue signaller waving a flag to say how personally wonderful they are, and how they couldn’t imagine anyone not understanding their point of view, which is so righteous by the way, and telling the OP they’ve got it wrong again, even asking for help. How very dare they! This #be kind shit has really made a lot of people behave in a really nasty, cruel way.