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Brother stealing my inheritance - so upset can hardly think straight

423 replies

helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 18:45

I'm the youngest of 4 dcs, with 3 older dbs.

My df passed away a few years ago, my dm about a year and a half ago. My df left most stuff, including the house, far and away the biggest asset, to my dm. She originally wrote a will that left everything to her 4 dcs equally. However, as my 3 much older dbs all own their own (very expensive) property, and only the oldest db has a dc, who's a doctor, so not likely to be short of cash either, my dm decided to change her will, to leave the house to me, as I have 3 dcs and we still rent, and have never been able to afford to buy a place of our own, due to house prices shooting up in recent years.

I know she was very worried about our financial security. I think she also wanted to leave the house to me, as it was me and my youngest db (who is a millionaire and doesn't need the money at all) who looked after her and my df in their old age. My eldest db, who lives in the US, didn't bother to visit at all in the last decade or so, and would only agree to come if my dps agreed to pay for him to fly first class (yes, really). He never called on the phone either - she called him and spoke to him maybe twice a year.

Anyway, she made the mistake of telling db1 she wanted to change her will and he kicked off. So she changed her will instead to leaving everything to be split equally between her 4 grandchildren, assuming he'd be ok with that, as his family would still get a quarter share. But he was furious, and basically blackmailed her into changing her will back again to leave it to all 4 of her dcs equally - he told her if she didn't, he would not attend her funeral or say the prayers for the dead that are crucial in my religion.

She was incredibly upset by this - she told literally everyone, must have heard her say this hundreds of times. It's like she wanted to apologise to me for not leaving me the house, and make it clear that she wanted to leave it to me, but was too scared of my db to change her will again. She did resist when he demanded to be made an executor - that was given to db3. I should add that db2 keeps out of all this, not particularly materialistic, no dcs, financially comfortable.

Anyway, when my dm passed away, it was lockdown, so in practice it would have been very difficult for db1 to attend the funeral (not that he tried). A year later, in my religion, is the stonesetting, which is also a very important religious event. Despite having blackmailed my dm into rewriting her will or he wouldn't attend the funeral, not only did he not attend the funeral or stonesetting, which he could have attended, he couldn't even be bothered to dial in via Zoom to attend it that way. He was going on holiday somewhere else instead.

He's now finally bothered to fly with his family over to the UK - which he couldn't be bothered to do when my dm was alive, or to attend her funeral or stonesetting - to take stuff he wants from the house before it's sold.

I just heard he's wrapped up to take a picture that wasn't left in my dps' wills, it belongs jointly to me and my 3 dbs as it was left to us by my grandma. It's painted by my great-grandpa (my dm's grandpa), who my ds is named after. Again, it's something that my dm said hundreds of times she wanted me to have, knowing how important this great-grandpa is in my family. My db1 claims he should have it because he likes it and it used to hang in 'his' room (we only inherited it a decade after he moved to the US!). He has so little interest in our family history he couldn't be bothered to see his dps, or attend my dm's funeral or stonesetting.

I'm just so upset - it's not enough that he blackmailed my poor dm into changing her will, he's now walking off with precious family heirlooms that are shared by all my siblings! I've said he has no right to take it as it belongs to all of us, and his answer is basically, 'Tough, I want it. I don't to discuss it further. I'm taking it.'

He'll be flying back to the US with it in a few days and I feel like I'm being stabbed - so upset. Is there anything I can do? He's just ignoring everyone's wishes except his own. I know db3 thinks I should have the picture but will almost certainly want to avoid a family row. Db2 will likewise want to keep out of it. I'm just so angry and upset.

If anyone has any suggestions of anything I can do, or can just calm me down so I'm not hurting so much, that would be appreciated. Just can't believe anyone would behave like this. Sad So upset that my dm's wishes are being ridden roughshod over again. Sad So sad that this precious heirloom will go to the US, to people who care nothing about it, and we'll never see it again. Sad

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 26/03/2022 18:51

Sorry, OP, but if the picture was left to you jointly - which seems an odd thing to do anyway - why did your DM still have it? One of you had to end up with it. Why do you think it should be you?

Thinking2041 · 26/03/2022 18:53

I’m holding my upset baby who is poorly so cannot write a proper message but wanted to say how painful it was to read your post. I really felt your pain. How horrible. I’m so sorry your brother has been so disappointing. I know what that feels like.
I really hope you find a way through.

Alittlepotofrosie · 26/03/2022 18:58

Where's the picture now? If it's still in the house go get it. If it's not possible to go get it, then just accept it's just a thing, you still have your memories.

helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:08

@Soontobe60

Sorry, OP, but if the picture was left to you jointly - which seems an odd thing to do anyway - why did your DM still have it? One of you had to end up with it. Why do you think it should be you?
It lived in my dp's house so we could all 'share' it as it was the family home.

I think it should be me who inherits it because I'm the only one with a link to the artist, who my ds is named after (it's a very unusual name, so we talk about this great-grandpa a lot; it's not like my ds has a common name which he happens to share with his great-great-grandpa). Plus it was my dm's wish - while legally, she had no say, the fact my db ignored all her other wishes and basically stole my inheritance via blackmail, means I do feel I have more moral right. Plus db3 agrees I should have it, and db2 doesn't care. So given we all have an equal say, legally, in what happens to it, there are 2 votes against 1 that I should keep it.

But I'm not saying that means I should grab it and walk off with it. I'm saying we should have a discussion about it between all 4 of us and agree something. I could have walked off with it at any point since my dm passed away but I wanted to behave like adults and discuss how we would share things out. My db1 apparently doesn't think he needs to do that, and can just grab it and take it back to the US, where none of the rest of us will ever see it again (we all live in the UK).

OP posts:
helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:12

@Alittlepotofrosie

Where's the picture now? If it's still in the house go get it. If it's not possible to go get it, then just accept it's just a thing, you still have your memories.
It's in the house but he's wrapped it up to take back with him. He's leaving the house tonight and moving into an airbnb tonight, so assume the picture will go with him. Sad

Are there laws about stealing an item held jointly and spiriting it off abroad? Its sentimental value is immeasurable. This great-grandpa was an artist who fought in WWI and died very young. We only have a handful of his drawings, and this is the only painting of his that survives.

OP posts:
helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:13

Thank you, @Thinking2041. That helps.

OP posts:
dicedmint · 26/03/2022 19:13

Why can't you go there now and just take it? Do what he said he is doing.

Stop being scared, he's going to go back to USA anyway and probably never see you again.

If it's there, just grab it

helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:15

I think it's too late. He's moving into an airbnb tonight and will presumably take it with him, now he knows I want it.

OP posts:
BanJokNicKers · 26/03/2022 19:19

You say the painting was left jointly to you and your siblings by your grandmother. Are you sure? Joint ownership of something like a painting is always going to be inconvenient. But if that's right then he has as much claim to it as you do (and your mother's thoughts aren't really relevant). And he now has it in his possession. I mean you could involve solicitors and ultimately litigation, but that doesn't sound sensible.

Gilly12345 · 26/03/2022 19:20

What a mess, items should be left to individuals and listed in a will, other than that everything is a compromise, where is the executor of the will?

Pompom2367 · 26/03/2022 19:22

I would take it from the house op

helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:23

@Gilly12345

What a mess, items should be left to individuals and listed in a will, other than that everything is a compromise, where is the executor of the will?
Don't know - we inherited it about 30 years ago so no idea. Probably a random solicitor who's long since ceased trading.
OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 26/03/2022 19:24

Tbh it was unfair of your dp to gift you her house and deny all her children equal share because they happen to be more successful than you. It was right that it was changed back. A will says alot about a parent views there child.

RonSwansonsChair · 26/03/2022 19:24

Just go take the painting now.

It all sounds like an awful situation, I'm so sorry.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 26/03/2022 19:24

Would you call the police?

Not sure what they can actually do since he is part owner, but they may make it awkward enough that he leaves it because he has to get his flight.

Maybe speak to a solicitor on Monday and see if there's some sort of emergency order they can place on it until ownership is established? (Not sure if that's a thing).

What would happen if you called the airport to report stolen goods being taken from the country?

Your relationship is pretty much fucked anyway by the sound of it so I wouldn't hold back on playing dirty tbh.

Sorry op, he sounds bloody awful.

Theforest · 26/03/2022 19:28

Just take it and hide it. He will have to leave on a flight

LIZS · 26/03/2022 19:29

There is a lot of speculation in your post have you spoken to him yourself about his intentions? Obviously this has opened old wounds which is very sad. If it was already left directly to the four of you it would not be in dps wills . The dgm will may be on the government Wills and Probate website in which case you can check for any conditions attached.

Kinneddar · 26/03/2022 19:35

*Would you call the police?

Not sure what they can actually do since he is part owner, but they may make it awkward enough that he leaves it because he has to get his flight*

Absolutely nothing to do with the police. They'd tell you it's a civil matter

What would happen if you called the airport to report stolen goods being taken from the country

Not a thing because they're not stolen goods & they'd refer you back to the police

Redglitter · 26/03/2022 19:36

Personally I'd be straight over to the house just now & if it was still there I'd take it home.

helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:36

@Bananarama21

Tbh it was unfair of your dp to gift you her house and deny all her children equal share because they happen to be more successful than you. It was right that it was changed back. A will says alot about a parent views there child.
Is it right? She wanted to divide the property between her 4 grandchildren equally but he blackmailed her to prevent that.

As a parent, I would want to know all my dcs have financial security. He doesn't need the money (his apartment in Manhattan is worth at least $2 million), and took the piss when my dps were alive, demanding they pay for expensive flights etc - none of the rest of us did that. Db3 and me spent countless hours (and our own money) looking after my dps. Why should we not be entitled to a larger inheritance?

And why should my dm not be able to leave her inheritance to whoever she liked? I never asked her to change her will or help us financially, and avoided all discussions, as it would have felt absolutely improper for me to try to influence my dm in any way on this. My db1 literally threatened her to get her to change her will. How can you possibly think this is fair??

It would be absolutely fair if db3 objected, as he also did lots to help my dps. But he never objected, as he knew a) that was what my dm wanted and b) he doesn't need any of the inheritance. Likewise db2.

OP posts:
helpmecanhardlybreathe · 26/03/2022 19:39

And as to your point that a will says a lot about how a parent views there (sic) child, well yes, it did.

My dm was clearly very upset with db1's grasping, uncaring behaviour. And she was right to be upset.

OP posts:
tkwal · 26/03/2022 19:41

If the picture was left to you jointly then the sensible thing would have been for you to have stated that you wanted it. What should then have happened, assuming it went through probate as part of your Grandmother's will was that you had it valued and then paid your 3 dbs each their share of the value. Could it be argued that your eldest brother coerced your DM into changing her will if so could the brother who is executor could do something to have the will set aside ?. Your DMs solicitor should have advised her much better than they obviously did. I don't know enough about your case to say much more but, if the painting belongs to the 4 of you, and 3 of the 4 haven't given permission then you will be within your rights to report him for theft. Talk to your other brothers first to get their opinions.

CrushedPistachios · 26/03/2022 19:44

Ultimately all of the contents in your parents property are shared equally between you and your siblings.

So, what’s the cash valuation of this painting? If for arguments sake it’s £1,000 then your brother either needs to forfeit other items to the value of £750 or pay that off the balance of his ‘share’ of the sale of the house.

StillCounting123 · 26/03/2022 19:45

Feel so bad for you OP.

At least you have your dignity and moral compass in order, unlike your DB1. Seems like he made his millions by bulldozing his way through life over people.

I would be over there now wrestling my brother to the ground for the painting, in your situation. But only you know if that's sensible in this case.

Maybe go speak to his DW, if he has one, maybe they can talk sense into him?

Lunificent · 26/03/2022 19:45

Are you able to go now and see if it’s still in the house?

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