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What’s the closest escape you’ve ever had from a dangerous situation?

283 replies

Bluepantsbigheart · 20/03/2022 08:43

I had a moment of absolute clarity and shock earlier. I was visiting a childhood friend so back on the street where I grew up. We were chatting about the past, about how we used to roam and our parents didn’t know where we were etc. This would have been the early 80’s and I’d have been 10/12 years old.

I remembered going with another friend ‘Halloweening’ as we called it then - to maximise our returns we’d visit a house each, alternating along the street.
I went to one house, rang the bell and through the glass side panel saw the owner come down the stairs. ‘Happy Halloween’ I said - ah, come in a minute he said, I need to get money’ I followed him into his lounge where he was scrabbling about in drawers by the sound of it in the kitchen. He was a while and when he came back into the room he had his trousers open with his penis out. I backed away and said I have to go, my friend is outside. I quickly walked to the front door, he gave me 10p and I left.

I think the whole situation finally sunk in and for the first time I realised how much danger I was in. All the things you tell your kids not to do I did it. My blood ran cold actually but I remember at the time although being a bit surprised by it I never told anyone except my friend and it didn’t seem a big deal. My mother was the type that if I told her I’d have had the row for going into the house and no doubt I’d have been stopped from going out.

Anyone else look back on something and realise you had a lucky escape?

OP posts:
dipdye · 24/03/2022 14:24

Another one with no time for namalt.

What have these men ever got to say for themselves??? Why do this do this???? What's their reasoning?

Not one person on this thread has said, oh thank God this fella stepped in and told the predator to fuck off, oh no, it's the aunties with the brooms!!!

VelvetChairGirl · 24/03/2022 14:28

I have delt with dodgy males too many times to count, still deal with em.

I suppose the ones that stand out would be the twice convicted rapist out on parole who corned me and felt me up in a Job Centre training scheme during a lunch break. (I spoke out and refused to enter the building again until he was removed, I was apologized to by the JCP and told about his background and he was removed, there was 1 other woman on the scheme who told me after he was removed that he had hit her in the head when they were in the lift and that she didnt tell anyone about it because she was frightened she would be sanctioned for it).

then there was the one also on a job centre scheme who frog matched me to a park during a break, where I showed him my knife and he went away and didnt bother me on the scheme again.

and the one that annoys me the most was going to college when I was 15, there was always a group of men hanging around the gate trying to grab at and pester the girls going in, they would try and kiss us, offer us money for sex and ask if we were virgins. the security did absolutely nothing about them saying they were not on college property nothing we can do, 1 of them managed to get inside and forcibly kissed my friend in the stairway, pinned her against a wall, she was so upset she left the college, I on the other hand got chased down willesden high street by one of them, no one gave a shit until 2 women stepped up and blocked his path so I could jump on a bus to get away.

RedPanda901 · 24/03/2022 15:34

Really terrifying how many older men are taking advantage or attempting to abuse young girls.

I second the suggestion to read Maggie O'Farrell's book I Am, I Am, I Am. Particularly the first chapter.

I almost died aged 1 in the 70s, my parents had a pool (unfenced in those days), I was tottering around outside while my dad cut the lawn, then my mum asked where I was. I'd fallen in the pool and luckily hadn't been in long as I'm still here to tell the tale.

In my early 20s, I was crossing a busy road before work, lots of commuters about. I went to step out into the road and someone forcibly yanked me back seconds before a yellow sports car going really fast screeched past.

Aged 15, I was on a train with friends going home, we'd been out in a large ish group, about 4 boys and 4 girls. A drunk aggressive older man, started verbally abusing us. It seemed to go for ages and no one in carriage stepped in to help us. He started to tell me and another girl 'he was going to fuck us up' and was pushing us. We quickly got off at the next station and ran to a service station, he ran after us and then was arrested.

Aria999 · 24/03/2022 20:02

@dipdye actually there have been a few posts where the rescuer is another man, like the one where the pp was stalked by a murderer at the train station and another guy warned her and then rode with her to make sure she was safe.

If the pp who was going to work on a farm for a rapist and was warned and given a place to stay by the bus driver.

Not the majority I agree but not none.

Wallywobbles · 24/03/2022 20:47

One of the issues IME is that the men who are not like this simply cannot get their heads around the idea that this is reality for women. My DH finds it unbelievable and that frustrates the fuck out of me.

My mum and siblings went out somewhere when I was 5 and I was left being baby sat by our 15 year old neighbor. He persuaded me to remove my knickers and then he got his dick out. I know he raped me but I'm glad I have no memories of it now. I spent 2 years worrying I might be pregnant.

It never crossed my mind to tell an adult. I told my best friend who was 8!

babywalker56 · 24/03/2022 21:12

One of the issues IME is that the men who are not like this simply cannot get their heads around the idea that this is reality for women. My DH finds it unbelievable and that frustrates the fuck out of me.

I agree! My DP isn't oblivious but sometimes he doesn't understand just how often these things happen. Often I'll tell him a story of my own experience or something a friend experienced when we were younger and it's as if he simply can't get his head around the fact that a lot of men are scary. Of course he's never had to be scared of another man but I'm trying to get him to open his eyes to all the dangers out there especially as we have a DD!

JuvenileGreyFox · 25/03/2022 08:09

@Wallywobbles totally agree, I was talking to my partner recently and told him the amount of times that 'just' flashing happened when I was younger. Walking to school, every morning there was an old man standing in his window exposing himself to school girls walking past. We just laughed it off - 'dirty old man'. I was flashed on the way into sixth form college, on the streets of London.. He couldn't believe it. Back then (and perhaps today too) people think 'oh its just a flasher' - but we have seen in recent murders that perpetrators often have a history of flashing offences.

JuvenileGreyFox · 25/03/2022 08:10

Even the word 'flashing' minimises it. It is a shocking act of sexual violence.

NewBrownMouse · 25/03/2022 11:13

As a toddler, male neighbour, well liked in the estate and friends with everyone, always chatting to my parents and always trying to interact with me, mothers gut instinct told her not to trust him and she always kept him at arms length. Other neighbours allowed him to babysit, turned out to be a paedophile, years later he went to prison for sexually assaulting a girl he was allowed to look after. I'm so thankful that my mother listened to her instincts.

Young, 8 maybe 9 years old followed by a man along a quiet alley on my way to get a paper and some sweets and when I began to run he sped up too, managed to get to the shop and dashed inside. One of the assistants walked me home, man was nowhere to be seen.

Couple of sexual assaults as a teen that could have been worse if not interrupted. Quite a few men who became forceful, aggressive verbally abusive when I had refused to accept their offers to buy my drinks which made me feel very wary when leaving the club as I was scared they would be waiting for me as they seemed to take the rejection so personally.

Pretty sure that the man who suddenly appeared from the bushes in the woods had bad intentions. When he first emerged he started to approach and I turned to face him front on, he looked at me and at that point he most likely realised for the first time that I had a baby in the carrier on my chest and he bumbled about and walked back the other way - did he have bad intentions or was he out walking and realised he had given me a fright and felt awkward about it - who knows but based on my gut I think it was the former. I stick to the outskirts of the woods now unless I have company.

BorderlineHappy · 25/03/2022 15:21

My point was that not every man jas malicious or evil intent. We should not be automatically treating them as though they do
Problem is @Squiff70 we don't know which men are dangerous and which aren't.

They don't go around with a big sign on their head saying pedo,rapist or murderer.

Oh and Drs,police,nurses can be abusers.
Having a responsible job doesn't automatically make them safe.

User48751490 · 25/03/2022 16:39

I was a student nurse, had taken a bus into the nearest town on my day off duty (would have been 18/19).. unfortunately I didn't realise that the place I got off the bus at was in a remote part of the town, in a rural area...I thought I was the only person left on the bus - it was the end of the route. But as I was walking up the road I sensed I was being followed. There was a man in his 20s following me, no one else around. Up ahead there were two houses on the left so I crossed over, and took out my mobile phone and started phoning someone, or pretended to. He looked over at me, but kept walking on.... very lucky escape as I suspect he realised I wasn't local to the area and didn't know my way around. I strongly believe if those houses weren't there he would have attacked me.

jungledoc · 25/03/2022 16:52

If you go through life not trusting ANY man, EVER, then you're you're going to live in a permanent state of terror which isn't fair on you OR man who ARE genuinely good people.

I'm wary of everyone & don't trust someone till I know them well. I don't live in a state of terror at all, I just grew up in a then rough part of London so it's second nature.

EishetChayil · 25/03/2022 16:59

I trust precisely two men. My father and my husband. They're the only men I will ever leave my DD with unsupervised.

babywalker56 · 25/03/2022 17:07

@jungledoc

If you go through life not trusting ANY man, EVER, then you're you're going to live in a permanent state of terror which isn't fair on you OR man who ARE genuinely good people.

I'm wary of everyone & don't trust someone till I know them well. I don't live in a state of terror at all, I just grew up in a then rough part of London so it's second nature.

Yep this is me. I don't live in a permanent state of fear or anything dramatic like that, I just know to be cautious and weary of men.

The only men I trust are my Godfather and DP and even with DP, you just never know what someone is capable of in the future.

I'm also from South London so it really is second nature for me too

jungledoc · 25/03/2022 17:11

yep SL here too 🙄

jungledoc · 25/03/2022 17:11

sorry meant 😆

Terfydactyl · 26/03/2022 08:25

@ParanoidGynodroid

You know, the NAMALT protestations actually piss me off. This thread is story after story of male violence and intimidation; the overwhelming theme is that men can be violent and abusive towards women and children. This is what should be remembered. I didn't post it here but my DD suffered the most horrific ordeal at the hands of two men that could easily have seen the death of her. I blame no one except those responsible, but situations like these must make women aware of the dangers of strange men and hopefully help inform safer choices; if you presume that most men are OK, then you could end up in some pretty perilous situations.
It's the wrong thread for namalt, reading the room here means namalt is hugely inappropriate. And I always ask but never get a reply:- How do we tell which are the nice guys and which are likely to assault us?
Terfydactyl · 26/03/2022 08:33

@PrelateChuckles

In reality it's probably a small proportion although from reading this thread it doesn't FEEL like it.

OK, let's say it's 10% - a small proportion. That's still several people in the supermarket, the pub, the street.
I have no idea about actual stats of 'who's a dangerous person over the course of their whole life' compared to how many aren't, and it'd be hard to get actual data, but a small proportion of half the adult population is still a whacking great number.

There is a study somewhere and I believe it states 20% of men would commit a rape/sexual assault if they thought they could get away with it.

Someone will hopefully post a link to it later, I'm far too hungover right now.

That's a lot of men who dont have a handy dandy sign on them that are dangerous to women. Doing the maths (in my head, never reliable) means about 100 men in my place of work are potentially a rapist.

ParanoidGynodroid · 26/03/2022 09:10

@Terfydactyl it reminds me of the "All lives matter" idiots.

"It's vital we remember that NAMALT" Fuck that, no it isn't.
It is NOT unfair on decent men if we don't. What happens if we don't automatically trust a decent man (and yes we do actually know they exist)? What is the detriment to him? The square root of diddly squat, that's what. It has no negative impact on him whatsoever if he's regarded with caution; but trusting an apparently trustworthy man who turns out not to be could have dire consequences.

HRTQueen · 26/03/2022 10:04

I don’t believe it is such a small proportion of men

I was well aware of how many men found me sexually attractive when I was still a child and just developing it wasn’t just a few if it was I wouldn’t have encountered them so often

Many men have felt entitled to harass and sexually assault women and girls. This might be low level sexual assault but they have decided it was ok to do that

overitall1 · 26/03/2022 10:23

In the 60s, I was 7 or 8 my friend and I were picking blackberries down a quiet county lane and a bloke stopped and asked if we'd like the tub he'd picked, but he'd like some photos of us with them. My friend, much prettier than me, did handstands and the like, all of them showing her knickers, as he clicked away. I often wonder where those photos ended up. Tame compared to many others but I do think how much worse things could have been.

overitall1 · 26/03/2022 10:26

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

As a student, I took a guy back to my student house one night - not a boyfriend, just a casual hook-up - and we started making out - things were progressing, and then I just realised that I really didn’t want to have sex. So I said so, and he was absolutely fine about it and slept on the sofa, no hard feelings.

And what’s so sad about this story is that I realise how my well-being and safety that night were entirely reliant on his being a good guy. If I’d said no and he hadn’t been OK with it - he came back with me fully expecting that we were going to have sex - he could have raped me and there was NOTHING I could have done to stop him. And that’s just shit.

I've had a few experiences like this, in the 'olden days' (70s 80s) I seriously wonder if it happened now what % of men would still shrug and say OK?
DaffTheDoggo · 26/03/2022 10:32

When I was about 15, I had an argument with a friend at a party and stormed off into the street. Ended up standing by the side of the road. A man pulled up and asked me to get in his car. Idiotically, I did (I knew this was dangerous- I think I was deliberately doing something stupid because I was upset). He drove about a mile then asked me how old I was. I said 15. He then turned the car round, drove back to where he's found me and told me to get out. I think he thought I was a prostitute then realised that I was actually an idiot school girl.

I also nearly got crushed by a removal van full of my own belongings which would have been a rubbish way to go.

TicTac80 · 26/03/2022 11:01

Guys leering/flashing - that happened several times when I was a teenager.

When I was 13 and walking back from school bus stop, a guys stopped his car and asked me for directions. He then suggested I get in his car. I ran. I was too scared to tell my parents, I thought I’d somehow get into trouble.

From age 10-15, I was in the church choir. I loved it. I was friends with loads of the other choristers, and the choir master/organist was a lovely guy. He had a massive house with loads of land out in the sticks, and would often hold big gatherings there for the choir members and their families (the choir was mixed age, from under 10 to adults). Lots of lovely memories. Pretty idyllic eh? Years later, I was planning my wedding and thought about my choir master and how fab it would be if he could be the organist at my wedding. I looked him up online and found out he’d taken his own life some years before. I then found other news articles. He was the leader of a massive paedophile ring that operated in London. He was convicted but then committed suicide. I don’t recall him ever doing anything untoward to me/my brother, but he had done..to many children in previous choirs he’d been a part of. And he did those awful things (alongside his disgusting paedo ring) at that very house we’d spent so much time in. It makes me realise just how damned lucky we were…and it haunts me too that so many children suffered at his hands.

RovenderKitt · 26/03/2022 11:17

Arranged a trip to Italy, the airport is some distance from our house so we usually get a train. Planned the train we wanted to come back on but for some reason the timings going didn’t work out so we ended up driving. In the car on the way home heard that the train we’d planned to be on had crashed - with fatalities. We had a weird couple of years with things like that happening, can’t remember the others now.

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