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What’s the closest escape you’ve ever had from a dangerous situation?

283 replies

Bluepantsbigheart · 20/03/2022 08:43

I had a moment of absolute clarity and shock earlier. I was visiting a childhood friend so back on the street where I grew up. We were chatting about the past, about how we used to roam and our parents didn’t know where we were etc. This would have been the early 80’s and I’d have been 10/12 years old.

I remembered going with another friend ‘Halloweening’ as we called it then - to maximise our returns we’d visit a house each, alternating along the street.
I went to one house, rang the bell and through the glass side panel saw the owner come down the stairs. ‘Happy Halloween’ I said - ah, come in a minute he said, I need to get money’ I followed him into his lounge where he was scrabbling about in drawers by the sound of it in the kitchen. He was a while and when he came back into the room he had his trousers open with his penis out. I backed away and said I have to go, my friend is outside. I quickly walked to the front door, he gave me 10p and I left.

I think the whole situation finally sunk in and for the first time I realised how much danger I was in. All the things you tell your kids not to do I did it. My blood ran cold actually but I remember at the time although being a bit surprised by it I never told anyone except my friend and it didn’t seem a big deal. My mother was the type that if I told her I’d have had the row for going into the house and no doubt I’d have been stopped from going out.

Anyone else look back on something and realise you had a lucky escape?

OP posts:
babywalker56 · 24/03/2022 08:44

@Squiff70 i'm only 22 but unfortunately my experiences in life haven't led me to believe it's 'not all men.' I was also raised by a mum who was a csa victim and every single one of my friends including myself has a story where they've either been raped, attacked or at the very least assaulted by a man. I prefer to be cautious of ALL men and be grateful for the minority that appear to be good people. You don't know anyone's intentions so by thinking 'not all men' can cause you to lower your guard. Based on my experience, your guard just isn't worth lowering

iklboo · 24/03/2022 08:45

Here come the NAMALTS.

Comedycook · 24/03/2022 08:57

its terrifying BUT it's vital we remember that not all men are like this

Why is it vital? @Squiff70

ParanoidGynodroid · 24/03/2022 09:24

@Squiff70 it's actually far safer to assume that all men ARE like that.
Fair enough you get to know and trust some men, but those you don't know? Always caution.
I know my husband and son would never hurt anyone, but I don't think it unreasonable if a woman or child unknown to them is wary of them.

It's not about tarring anyone, it's just being aware that yes, actually, a lot of men ARE like that and unfortunately don't necessarily announce it beforehand.

ParanoidGynodroid · 24/03/2022 09:37

You know, the NAMALT protestations actually piss me off. This thread is story after story of male violence and intimidation; the overwhelming theme is that men can be violent and abusive towards women and children. This is what should be remembered.
I didn't post it here but my DD suffered the most horrific ordeal at the hands of two men that could easily have seen the death of her. I blame no one except those responsible, but situations like these must make women aware of the dangers of strange men and hopefully help inform safer choices; if you presume that most men are OK, then you could end up in some pretty perilous situations.

PrelateChuckles · 24/03/2022 09:44

In reality it's probably a small proportion although from reading this thread it doesn't FEEL like it.

OK, let's say it's 10% - a small proportion. That's still several people in the supermarket, the pub, the street.
I have no idea about actual stats of 'who's a dangerous person over the course of their whole life' compared to how many aren't, and it'd be hard to get actual data, but a small proportion of half the adult population is still a whacking great number.

iklboo · 24/03/2022 10:02

I know I posted my Woolworths fire story - but only because I thought it would make a change from the male threat violence ones.

I've been sexually assaulted countless times in the 80s & 90s in pubs, bars & clubs. One night I was out with a group from work. I was a bit tipsy but not drunk. I went to the toilet and one of the blokes followed me in, came up behind me and put one hand over my mouth while trying to get the other one under my skirt. I managed to bite the web of his hand very hard so he let go. I ran out of the toilet, grabbed my coat and got a taxi home, shaking all the time.

On Monday he came into work with his hand bandaged. He told the other blokes what had happened and they had a good old laugh about it. The HR woman (best friend of the boss) told me to stop making a fuss and it was 'only messing about'. I quit a few days later. Nobody stood up for me or thought he'd done anything wrong. I was 21, he was early 40s.

tigerbear · 24/03/2022 10:58

@iklboo that’s terrible.

Agree with previous posters, that the majority of women have had something happen to them at the hands of men.
As someone else said, I, and most of my friends have either suffered sexual abuse, violence, rape, being followed, harassment, etc, at some point in their lives.

Aside from the near murder by a cross dresser I already posted about, I’ve had my drink spiked twice on separate occasions, and on another occasion a guy picked me up and tried to carry me off into the woods.

My 10 year old daughter has walked home from school by herself only a handful of times. After telling me that she’s been approached by a man talking nonsense on one occasion, and followed by a man another time, she no longer walks home alone.

Squiff70 · 24/03/2022 11:37

Please read what I said and not what you THINK I said, because there's a huge fucking difference!

Tell me WHERE in my post I said all men were trustworthy or that we should trust all men until we know otherwise. Correct - I did not.

I'm only responsible for what I say and not what you understand!

ParanoidGynodroid · 24/03/2022 12:04

But no one has accused you of saying that all men are trustworthy @Squiff70; similarly no one here has said that all men are NOT to be trusted.

Careful reading is indeed important.

SevenWaystoLeave · 24/03/2022 12:19

@Copypaste12

So so sad that the stories on this thread are about men trying to harm women.

Meanwhile, the world treats jk Rowling like a villain for wanting safe spaces for women.

I give up!

None of these stories are about trans women. Stop trying to make the thread about your pet hate.
Comedycook · 24/03/2022 12:28

@Squiff70

Please read what I said and not what you THINK I said, because there's a huge fucking difference!

Tell me WHERE in my post I said all men were trustworthy or that we should trust all men until we know otherwise. Correct - I did not.

I'm only responsible for what I say and not what you understand!

But you did say it was vital that we remember not all men are like this. Why is it vital?
AfricanWildDogs · 24/03/2022 12:39

In my early twenties, I got lost in London and went into a train station quite late at night to use the toilets, which were down a flight of stairs. The station was quiet. As I was walking down the stairs, something inside me told me turn around. At the top of the stairs a group of men starting walking down the stairs behind me. I challenged them (the stairs only led to the female toilets). They walked off. Still haunts me what could have happened.

So sad that so many of these stories are such very young women so vulnerable at the hands of men.

gogohm · 24/03/2022 13:06

Was landing at Gatwick, back wheels gad touched down and the plane was dropping to horizontal when the pilot took it back up into the air, 2 minutes later after much confusion among passengers (thankfully no hysterics) the pilot came on the speaker system to explain, (like it was nothing) "sorry ladies and gents for that unexpected fairground ride style manoeuvre but there was an aeroplane on the runway, my colleague will be taking you on a scenic tour of Sussex until we get permission to land, I'll make sure they double check it's clear this time ". He then walked through the cabin as if it's nothing chatting until we were lined up to land

Maverickess · 24/03/2022 13:27

@Squiff70

Please answer @Comedycook - I'd also like to know why it's 'vital' to remember all men are not like this.

The thread title asks for experiences that people have had escaping from dangerous situations, most of the posts are from women who have escaped a dangerous situation where a man, or men were the danger. Not all, there are other stories about incidents, car near misses, fires etc.

Why do you feel the need to say it's 'vital' we remember not all men are dangerous, yet not point out that not all train stations catch fire? Or not all cars crash? Not all weather is potentially fatal?

I have a feeling it's because reading these stories makes some people uncomfortable - which is a good thing, they should make people uncomfortable, if it affects the 'good' men so much, why are people so angry when women talk about it happening?

Squiff70 · 24/03/2022 13:51

I really don't understand why you're both so fixated on the fact that I used the word 'vital'. Would you have reacted like this if I used 'important' or 'crucial', for example?

I said it's vital to remember that not all men are predatory or attackers because it's true - they're not! Some men are doctors, dentists, teachers, people with a position of trust. Whilst I am FULLY aware that any man (or woman) regardless of profession or whatever can - and sometimes DO - commit heinous crimes such as those documented in this thread, the vast majority do NOT.

Comedycook · 24/03/2022 13:53

I said it's vital to remember that not all men are predatory or attackers

So what will happen if we don't remember this?

Squiff70 · 24/03/2022 13:55

My point was that not every man jas malicious or evil intent. We should not be automatically treating them as though they do. I never said trust every man. I never said there's no need to be careful. Of course there is! I'm suggesting that I, as a mother, as I'm sure many of you are, would not automatically pull our children out of school if their teacher was male through automatic distrust, or let a male doctor examine them with our consent and presence etc etc.

Squiff70 · 24/03/2022 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

InsufficientOven · 24/03/2022 14:01
  1. When we had recently moved to a new house when I was about 9 and the man across the road asked if I wanted to come in and for some reason my parents thought it was fine. He locked the door and it was only because I climbed through his living room window that I got out. 8 years later he was in the papers for being a paedophile and sexually abusing some children near us. I can't believe my parents never called the police when I told them.
  2. I was walking home from being at my boyfriend's when I was 15 and some boy followed me all the way home and grabbed my wrists and tried to pull me as I was just walking through the gate. I screamed and my sister came running out. We did call the police but honestly I was too terrified to walk anywhere alone again for years. And I was so nervous because he knew where I lived.
Pallisers · 24/03/2022 14:05

its terrifying BUT it's vital we remember that not all men are like this

I'd also love to know why this is so vital.

Pallisers · 24/03/2022 14:08

If you go through life not trusting ANY man, EVER, then you're you're going to live in a permanent state of terror which isn't fair on you OR man who ARE genuinely good people.

Whoever said we should go through life not trustin ANY man EVER???? Now you are attributing shit to posters they never said.

Nobody does this (well except for the extremely traumatised who come by it honestly). We all trust men in our lives. I trust lots of men including bils, dh, ds, my dad, friends etc. but I am wary of men I don't know and situations in which I will be alone and vulnerable with a man I don't know or don't know well enough to trust (and even then many a woman or girl has been surprised by what seemed to be a trustworthy man - they don't come with labels).

Comedycook · 24/03/2022 14:08

because your response is fucking pathetic, frankly

How charming.

Anyway after reading this thread, I've decided it's vital that we are more distrusting of men rather than less...

Hoppinggreen · 24/03/2022 14:12

@Pallisers

its terrifying BUT it's vital we remember that not all men are like this

I'd also love to know why this is so vital.

It’s not vital at all is it.
VelvetChairGirl · 24/03/2022 14:16

None of these stories are about trans women. Stop trying to make the thread about your pet hate.

oh? what has protecting womens rights to safe spaces got to do with that?