AIBU, how was I racist?

[tumpymummy]

Been out for the evening, walking home with husband up an alleyway towards where we live. This young guy has his phone out, peeriBeenng at it. I say 'are you alright? Do you know where you're going?" He replies, "yes, I definitely know where I'm going." and walks on. I think nothing of it until he gets to the top of the alley and turns round and shouts to me, "hey maam, you know that was really racist", I shout back you had your phone out, I thought you were looking for directions", but I'm not sure if he hears me as he disappears off. I'm now home and feeling shocked, that I should be called racist. How was that racist? 🤔

@TristramBrandy myself and all black people lie about racist incidents, especially microagressions.

Because that is what your post is indicating.

No, it's not. You may infer that but you are wrong.

Here it is again. Some black people will lie about racist incidents and so will white people. Some black people will lie about everything. Some white people will lie about everything. Almost everyone, at some time or other, will lie about something.

One race does not get a pass saying,'We believe you because you are black.'

Or do you think they should?

@RedWingBoots, I believe you. So do many others.

@TristramBrandy, so your argument is basically that racism does not exist because some people lie. What a load of shit.

@TristramBrandy you have now made yourself very clear you don't believe any black person who complains they have suffered racism.

@thedancingbear.

You have misunderstood a basic fact. I don't know how to put my point any more clearly unless I draw a picture.

Either you are having a bad brain day or you are being deliberately obtuse.

Either way, you can't be argued with and it is frustrating to come up against such a bone headed attitude.

OP. I believe you. So do many others. This man sounds like an ill-mannered prick and of course you were not racist either in a micro or major way.

Have a good day.

@RedWingBoots

See the above reply and give your head a wobble.

This thread is bloody depressing

It both possible for the OP to have had good intentions and that these were interpreted as racist by the boy in question, because he has experienced a lifetime of systemic racism.

As a white person it can make you feel defensive when you realise you've probably inadvertently shown racial bias or microagressions, but we can only tackle these issues by accepting it and attempting to be an active anti-racist.

Don't wallow in feeling bad @tumpymummy, just accept why someone may have interpreted it as such.

I generally presume people are telling the truth when they open their mouths, @TristramBrandy. Clearly you don't, especially when they have a different skin tone from you.

And - again - unless the OP asks everyone who walks along looking at their phone whether they're lost, then it's likely that she's had a racist moment. And it sounds like the guy involved was attuned to this in a way you could never possibly be.

[quote TristramBrandy]@RedWingBoots

See the above reply and give your head a wobble.[/quote]
@TristramBrandy is the sort of person who wades onto a thread about racial prejudice and starts telling people of colour to 'give their head a wobble'.

There's a word for people like her.

@thedancingbear

I generally presume people are telling the truth when they open their mouths, *@TristramBrandy*. Clearly you don't, especially when they have a different skin tone from you.

And - again - unless the OP asks everyone who walks along looking at their phone whether they're lost, then it's likely that she's had a racist moment. And it sounds like the guy involved was attuned to this in a way you could never possibly be.

TBF she says 'People often ask me for directions' and 'it's a friendly neighbourhood.' both of which make me think that it's not unusual for her to either be asked, or assume that people might be lost and needing directions.

It came across as though you were checking why he was there. As though he was up to no good in 'your area' because he was either another race or you didn't know him.

Happens a lot to black /Asian people. So while he misunderstood your actions he is basing it off of previous encounters.

@Calandor

It came across as though you were checking why he was there. As though he was up to no good in 'your area' because he was either another race or you didn't know him.

Happens a lot to black /Asian people. So while he misunderstood your actions he is basing it off of previous encounters.

The OP understands this, of course. Instead of examining how her behaviour may have looked, she's seeking affirmation from an (overwhelmingly) white forum that it was the black guy who had the problem, and not her.

@Agrudge

You clearly weren't being, I wouldn't lose a wink of sleep over it

I never have when ever I've been accused of racism .

Of course I don’t think racists care that they are, that’s why they are racists in the first place.

@thedancingbear I had to be careful not to use it and some other words.

@Guineapigssweak

Obviously he had a chip on his shoulder seeing racism in everything! That card is getting boring now! He was an idiot!

Must be such a privilege not to regularly experience racism.

@brid90

Completely misinterpreted. I dont lose any sleep because I know my actions are not based on the colour of somebody's skin, just their actions and behaviour

@TristramBrandy

No, it's not. You may infer that but you are wrong.

Here it is again. Some black people will lie about racist incidents and so will white people. Some black people will lie about everything. Some white people will lie about everything. Almost everyone, at some time or other, will lie about something.

One race does not get a pass saying,'We believe you because you are black.'

Or do you think they should?

And some MNers are racist. Case in point.

@TristramBrandy

Away with you, *@Peascock*. You cannot make every white person feel they cannot say a black person may be in the wrong because that may be their white fragility and in the end, this absolute shit will do more harm than good.

Shove the idea of white fragility up your arse. It's as bad as the idea of the black chip on the shoulder. Have some wit.

In earth shattering news, you do not always have to take the word of a black person over a white person and there is something wrong with you if you adhere to that on principal.

Some black people are cunts. Some white people are cunts. Some men are cunts. Some women are cunts. Some people are cunts.Try saying it aloud. You won't explode.

I don't think anyone is saying they think OP was racist in what they said, but have rightly pointed out that there are reasons he likely interpreted it this way. I'm not taking the man's view over OPs because its very possible that both are correct in their interpretation of what they said. If you don't have the capacity to consider and recognise that then shove it up your arse hey. And yes but people being the word you didn't have to use is beside the point.

You don't get to decide if it was racist or not.
He does."

Absolute rubbish. This thread is ridiculous.

If he thought it was racist it has probably come from this kind of thing happening to him before - which is fair enough and very sad.

But what you are basically saying is "don't ever offer a poc any help as it may be received as being racist".

Which is an awful agenda to push.

I don't think this should be made into a thread about black or white but about what your attitude is as a person. Many poc would not be offended by a white person asking if they're lost or would just say "oh no, I'm fine thanks" Or whatever.

YOU don't get to decide that the OP meant it with racist intent.

But I'll be careful never to ask anyone whether they're lost in future, no matter their skin colour, just in case I offend them - on the say so of a few randoms on MN!

Racism is a white problem.
Racism benefits white people in so many overt and subtle ways.
White people generally DO NOT CARE about the effects of racism.
White people lose their shit when they are called out for being racist

@TristramBrandy

The lesson I'm taking away from this thread is that it is far better for white people not to speak at all to a stranger that isn't white because it seems that any remark can be misinterpreted and, as in the OPs case, will be.

This is painful.

So if you were walking down the road you'd only say good morning to white people?

Honestly use your brain. Don't treat one race, or even better, every race other than yours, differently. Don't assume a person who you think 'looks' differently to you is in the wrong place. Don't automatically make assumptions on people based on their skin colour.

It really is back to basics on here sometimes.

@DarkMa

Racism is a white problem. Racism benefits white people in so many overt and subtle ways. White people generally DO NOT CARE about the effects of racism. White people lose their shit when they are called out for being racist

This is the depressing truth.

I do get the feeling though that if the OP knew what she said wasnt based on the race of the man this thread wouldnt of been started.

@DarkMa

Racism is a white problem. Racism benefits white people in so many overt and subtle ways. White people generally DO NOT CARE about the effects of racism. White people lose their shit when they are called out for being racist

great post. spot on!

"White people lose their shit when they are called out for being racist"

also the people who dont like the use of 'white people' or 'whites' but would use black people/asians in the same sentence.