I think we should have an MN village show

[anotherneutralname]

What should the categories be?

Clearly we will need:

• most unusual object covered in glitter
• sculpture entirely from Waitrose recycling
• best artisan scotch egg (ahem)

What else? And what will you be entering?

Feel free to nominate yourself as a judge but we will need to see your credentials...

Most Dramatic Pearl Clutching competition.

A very well stocked bar

Naicest ham sandwich competition

Has anyone suggested a tea spitting contest, with keyboards laid out - like buses for Evel Kneivel to jump on his motorbike - to spit over. The pearl clutchers and crying shakers could be on adjacent stalls?

Who can crack the abandoned safe quickest competition.

Please can we have a cat walk of all the dungarees that surely no one over the age of 5 can be wearing ?

Warmed up by the hated skinny jeans

And the waterfall cardigan.

Humblest brag competition?

Sponsorship opportunities for the prizes! Hush, lucy & yak, providers of nice ham, twinings (for the tea spitting)...

'Guess the eventual height of the fastest-growing hedge' contest.

Splat the Twat.

Park like an Arse competition (a complete secret as an actual competition until all the vehicles in the car park have been judged, the worst one found, and then blocked in by ice cream vans).

Fastest cutter-out of paper snowflakes award.

'Guess the age of the child who drew this picture' competition.

The AIBU tent

Most artistic head tilt.

Resting Bitch Face competition.

Fluffiest kitten.

Perhaps we need to organise a Man-Creche... Oh wait, there's a beer tent, that's ok then.

I’m not going to contribute in any practical way but I WILL be pointing out anything I weren’t good enough , without offering actual suggestions as to how you could have done things better.
I will then slag you all off on the village FB page

A "how old do I look?" Competition. Winner takes home a penis beaker.

There's so many AGE categories I think we need a sub-section:

• how old do I look?
• how old was the child who drew / wrote this?
• youngest child to be potty trained (perhaps with a live birth during the show, for the really competitive?)

@Fernandina "Park like an Arse competition (a complete secret as an actual competition until all the vehicles in the car park have been judged, the worst one found, and then blocked in by ice cream vans)."
LOVE this.

Robot vacuum wars competition

Great thread

I have loved this thread. Thank you anotherneutralname

Me too, so funny!

Thought of another one - hoik up your judgy pants. Highest wins without causing personal injury.

Also, AIBU/YANBU dodgeball.

Champion pant-hoiking is amazing, that will have to be the finale because nobody will be able to walk afterwards

Pooh sticks.

But with bits of sweetcorn.

Can we have a gymkhana? 😃 I might pick up his poo - or I might not... 💩😁

Upside down pineapple arranging competition (see swingers thread)

What no...

Spinning Cat
Animal Face Painting
Goad the Angry Man
The Ladder
The Flying Bench
The Paddling Pool of Terror
Freak Pointing
The Tunnel of Goats

And of course - the Spider Baby.

Also it is critical to draw attention to the lack of parking facilities anywhere on site.

Would there be a floral arranging competition? All entries composed with cuttings from your neighbor’s shrubbery, of course.

And possibly a hot tub/sex pond/dunk tank? Just for fun.

Best penis beaker.