I think we should have an MN village show

[anotherneutralname]

What should the categories be?

Clearly we will need:

• most unusual object covered in glitter
• sculpture entirely from Waitrose recycling
• best artisan scotch egg (ahem)

What else? And what will you be entering?

Feel free to nominate yourself as a judge but we will need to see your credentials...

The tinkly laugh could be the pre announcement noise (Gladys and her hi-de-hi glockenspiel) for any Tannoy announcements.

@anotherneutralname

I feel like we could have a live element of people competing to cook as many meals from one chicken as possible within say, twenty minutes? Ready steady batch cook?

Pmsl at this

I'm entering the crocheted willy-warmer & nipple covers category.

I'll be on a stand pouring out the Pimms into Penis beakers

Can my dogs enter the best in show category?

@BadlydoneHelen

I remember the 'high sift' for the Victoria sandwich competition back in the day. However the absolute best category was the 'tea tray' where one entrant had a bottle of Smirnoff with 20 B&H propped up

P P P Pmsl

Best White Trainers in show.. decided via a tug-of-war (winners stay on). Teams could include: Superga, Veja, Stan Smiths to get us started

@Pyri

MN was genuinely funnier. I've been here for 20 years. The difference now is that there are so many people just waiting to be offended, and far more 'thread police' types. It was a bear pit and the 'cool girls' could be annoying because they were so quichey, but it was genuinely funny. When I looked at the cake cunt thread, I thought it was a little sign that MN hadn't changed - then saw it was an old thread. And even by 2013, things had changed. Won't derail any further, though.

Best dramatic performance on seeing a Michelangelo?

A woolly hugs tent with a hugathon.. (one of the best bits of mn)

Woolly hugs team can judge the handicrafts (because they'll be nice to all the people who are crushed when they don't win).

Some excellent categories ideas here. Feeling like I should have appointed a secretary about 100 posts ago...

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

The tinkly laugh could be the pre announcement noise (Gladys and her hi-de-hi glockenspiel) for any Tannoy announcements.

SO good.

I think there should be a rifle range with a row full of ducks to shoot!

You're going to need a First Aid Tent - where the First Aiders (who will be totally professional and not at all judgemental) will deal with all the self-inflicted injuries in unlikely places.

Has anyone suggested a MIL stocks yet? There should definitely be a broomstick competition - mine would win. There would be no shortage of judges for each category; eleventy million women would be standing in a circle, hands on hips, asking what on eaaaarth you were thinking.

A locally made glue stall.

Mil who looks most like the bride

Nosiest neighbour

The terrible Christmas gift exchange stall

Tiny Korean woman in the main tent

Best mum boots?
Best tied leopard print scarf?

Rate the baby name

How about a fortune teller tent run by a possessed badge?

Special VIP tent for cocklodgers

Oh, and let’s add some Balonz to the decorations while we’re at it

The gift exchange stall is genius.

Most preposterous baby-led weaning food?

Guess the ailment? People get to diagnose based on minimal symptoms and personal experience.

A race from here to the far side of fuck

Best decorated sheep.

A creche tent exclusively for PFBs

Child genius award (as everyone’s kid on MN is G&T).