I think we should have an MN village show

[anotherneutralname]

What should the categories be?

Clearly we will need:

• most unusual object covered in glitter
• sculpture entirely from Waitrose recycling
• best artisan scotch egg (ahem)

What else? And what will you be entering?

Feel free to nominate yourself as a judge but we will need to see your credentials...

Guess the correct number of fruit portions to feed a child.

Local bobby manning a 'Police stall 101' with an endless roll of paper to 'log' anything anyone doesn't like.

Main event and separate 'evening-only' event for lower-tier posters.

'Guess the baby's gender' competition, where the twist is it is actually the gender not the sex we're guessing, and everyone has to wait until they're 18 and the baby reveals their pronouns in a special email signature ceremony.

'Most disgusting breakfast' competition for banned ex-MNers.

Medical diagnosis quiz, where the answers are in the second post by the OP but no-one's actually read them

Diagram of the layout please, plus long argument over who's got the best space and why they shouldn't have it. Worst MIL/SIL competition with £ shop china objet d'art as prize.

Loving the idea of a row of women peeing on sticks!

Best wedding poem?

Best earrings on a baby category

Oh, I forgot. Ask neighbour to lend her flash barbecue for the event. Get her to drop it off. Tell her she's not invited, members only.

Please can we have Best Tiny Korean Lady?

And a Suzi Quattro's Fat Nan competition please. I've got a leather jacket that needs an outing

A tent containing a hologram of the Sistine chapel.

Tombola full of donated unwanted gifts.

Most beautifully cutted up pear

Best LTB category

I'll be glad to donate 50 toilet brushes as prizes.

Hunt the ironing board

@MostlyEatingBiscuits

And a Suzi Quattro's Fat Nan competition please. I've got a leather jacket that needs an outing

This is happening.

@ignatiusjreilly

Most beautifully cutted up pear

Best "nice big salad to fill you up".

Best picky tea tray

Most hungover teenager.

Oldest offspring still unable to use a laundry basket.

Most inventive use of a fish slice and / or sex lube.

The most stressed parent waiting to hear from the most prestigious university/ degree course.

And the one I will judge - most plates and cutlery your teen can hide in one bedroom. Mine will win. He is talented in this arena also the most belivable Greek plate smashing recreation when he once fell down the stairs with his impressive hoard 🙄

Best protestant tray bake

Fashion show including,
Most suitable dress to wear to a wedding
Outfit that most makes you look like Suzi Quattros Nan
Most Mumsy outfit

Loving these! Adding:-
Best head tilt and tinkly laugh.
Cheeky Fucker and Guess my Age championships.
Poo trolls in the portaloos.

Ooh, may I preside over the tent of silent judgement? I’ll don pearls and stare over the top of my reading glasses.

The LTB freestyle race - points awarded for most creative exit, least likely provocation and, naturally, biggest B.

Most irritating Mother-in-Law contest.

Guess the weight of the cocklodger.