@ThumbWitchesAbroad my ex really is a piece of work! Thank you
@UniversalAunt I was SO caught out on the bloody overdraft! Hundreds he ran up and I got stitched for half of it by the bank when he didn't even spend that money on me or dd and it was spent after we split! I did get it back in the divorce - eventually so it was worth my while being married - ditto my half from the bank accounts and half the value of the car and other valuables he took and he was made to return the heirlooms. But that took YEARS. At the time he did it he left me with NO money NO transport and NO computer which meant I was screwed for even getting basics like groceries! With hindsight I maybe should have got a credit card but even that would have taken a few weeks at that point (turn of the millennium) and no guarantee I would have been accepted. I didn't even have anything to pawn! (Yep considered that) cos he'd even taken both wedding ring and my engagement ring.
You are using it to stop yourself from thinking about what your future looks like. And you do need to focus on that.
I agree with that actually
A piece of paper means nothing unless it's a legally drawn up (with solicitors) notarized agreement.
Yep!
My ex mil & fil absolutely went through my ex in the early stages, as did his siblings.
The only one that's stood by how they were then is his eldest brother - who I wasn't even very close to - who no longer talks to him even now.
Not just because of how he treated me but the lies he told to his own family (he told me the baby conceived while we were still married wasn't conceived until after we separated this was disproven when the baby was born full term and healthy etc - he had told his family the same lie, he also lied to them about paying cm, even borrowing off them supposedly to pay for it, and that I was stopping him seeing dd - on the rare occasion he did show up and didn't cancel last min he was drunk or very hungover. There was one incident where he could barely stand he was so drunk and he expected me to hand over dd to be DRIVEN by him to his mum and dads! They went nuts at me on that one until I pointed out the state he'd been in. Thankfully they knew ME well enough to know I wasn't the liar! He also lied it was me dragging the divorce out - ow was keen to marry asap being pregnant and he didn't want to so he sat on the papers and told them all it was me! Soon as I became aware of this I photocopied the tons of letters between my lawyer and his showing me chasing him to get a shift on - and even his own lawyers letters basically said "I've been on at him he's not getting back to me either") the brother also won't forgive the way ex has treated dd since the split. I did hear that it all majorly kicked off between him and ow re the divorce being dragged out the weekend I gave her those photocopies 
Do not tell him who you are speaking to, just stall until you have professional advice.
Regarding lawyers if you consult them before him, even if you don't hire them, he can no longer use them as it's a conflict of interest. So if you possibly can get as many names of the best lawyers in your area and meet with as many of them as possible!
In terms of choosing one, you want someone who is assertive, pro active and no nonsense - these types tend not to be the warmest most friendly in nature so be aware of that. You're not looking for someone friendly you're looking for someone who gets the job done!
My 1st lawyer was lovely...but very slow! I foolishly stuck with her too long. Then there was an incident where she almost messed up with a deadline and I decided enough was enough. So I got a recommendation for the 2nd lawyer - as I said not exactly warm and fuzzy but she got more done in a month than the previous one had in 12 months!
Ex went through several lawyers cos he wouldn't listen and expected them to do his bidding - regardless of the law or what a judge would consider reasonable.
He took me to court several times regarding contact cos he kept trying to get more - but then not showing up for what he had! And he kept breaching terms which meant he missed contact and even in some ways was treating dd neglectfully (and I mean in the borderline abusive sense - not feeding her etc) every time we got a different judge and then...he ran out of judges! We ended up with one we'd not only had earlier but one he'd raised his voice to! (Yep really!) this judge saw/read all the nonsense he'd been doing and also pretty much (albeit politely and in legalese) went through him! I'd had a discussion with my lawyer previously asking if I could request certain terms in the contact order to end all the mucking about - basically a 3 strikes rule! She said a judge wouldn't do that unless actual abuse was the reason - guess what! Judge went for it! Made it 2 strikes! Ex was incandescent! Actually shouted at the judge and stormed off! But he did "behave Mp somewhat reasonably for the following 18 months or so and then things deteriorated again.
Here's the maddening thing - he could take me to court for contact BUT I couldn't take him to court for not showing up etc. dunno if the laws have changed since then but that was the situation then.
This is what led to me nearly killing myself so dd saw her dad at all!
Awful
Op FANTASTIC you're getting your ducks in a row - keep at it, keep your cards close to your chest and don't give him an inch.
@MistySkiesAfterRain interesting that in both our cases it was the cheat that bad mouthed the other parent?
What's that about?
My dd recently reconnected with her dad she's made all the effort really, even now he's tried telling her utter bullshit - fortunately I'm a pack rat and I still have the court papers and emails etc. I was happy to send them to her to read if she wanted proof, her reply there was no need as she knows he's full of it! Next time they spoke (she tells me) she said that I had offered to send her all the documentation to read - cue him furiously backpedaling!
tkwal this is the thing they don't care about the repercussions for the kids do they?