I’ve been cheated on, but it’s so much worse.

[Mumbunmum]

I’ve just found out that I’ve been cheated on by my Partner of 12 years.

We have 2 children together, a 7 year old Daughter and a 4 year old Son. We have a house together, everything together and we were due to get married in just under 11 weeks.

What’s worse is that it was with one of my best Friends and he’s been texting her, meeting her for over 6 weeks. Today is day 2 of all of this and I am crushed to pieces, I don’t know how I will ever cope. All I do know is that my heart hasn’t stopped thumping out of my chest for 2 days and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. Please please help me, I honestly don’t know where to even begin and I’m trying so hard to stay strong for our two children who are just number one in all of this.

I’m so lost, hurt and I’ve been betrayed so bad that I can’t even get my head around it.

There will be no pick me dance here, I’ve totally checked out of him, completely. Right now I’m actually struggling to even think of seeing him tonight when he drops the Children back to me. I’m really struggling again with thinking how the frigging hell has he done this too me.

I’ve also failed to mention something essential in this thread, my ex DP, her & her Husband and me, were all due to go on holiday next week, in a big house ALL together. We planned in 10 days after they had their first encounter with eachother, and I’m seriously feeling sick that had I of not found out about this shitshow we would of gone.

Sick and twisted doesn’t even cut it does it, gosh…. What a joke!

What a looser. They really both are twisted!!

Oh my! @Mumbunmum

What a twist… the holiday booking.

So too late to cancel for refund? Who is going with who? - obvs not you & your kids with the rest of them. Your kids do not go with him. End of.

A whole week of booked & paid for holiday gone?

Her DH has messaged the lady who owns the house we were staying at and she has kindly refunded the cost. Which is very sweet.

But I can’t help thinking HOW would they of been able to do this under our noses!!!!

Actions have consequences.

How much for the week?
Four bed minimum place?
Pre-Easter/peak season?
£1000-£1500?

Beggars belief the brass neck to book a holiday for both families together so soon after they got together, which leads me to speculate that they got together sooner than has been said.

It seems to me that they had already settled into a narrative about how everyone else in the families has their places & positions in their drama, & from that came an ease of subterfuge & covert activity that made it easy for the holiday to be booked as friends.

Had they just got together, they would not have been so cool & collected about the holiday proposal, & you/her husband might have twigged, picked up on the subtle tells of lying.

Somehow the immediate drama of his version seems like a folly & reckless, to the point where you pondered if he was having a breakdown, & so in some warped way he (& maybe she) can be accommodated or forgiven. In his version, he does not look quite so bad, so duplicitous, so untrustworthy.

But, I think that they have been an item long before the start date he has given you. Now you are seeing him for who he really is: duplicitous, untrustworthy & not nearly as nice as he thinks he is.

He is being utterly ridiculous OP. He's known her for 5 minutes and like you say, they've spent no time together in real life situations. He will be back, I'm sure of it. When he realises his shiny new toy isn't all that, he will come crawling back. With his tail between his legs, crying for "his family". Twat. And as for the holiday booking, that is just fucking GRIM!!! Pair of arseholes

@Mumbunmum, our posts have crossed.

Very nice of the house owner to refund.

He’s only just cancelled?
At what point did he realise that the holiday was off?
Can he really have thought that they could have played ‘happy families’ once the news was out?

WTF!

Soz @Mumbunmum, just read again.

Her DH cancelled the booking.
So they left it to him to do.
Still very kind of home owner to refund.

Tangled webs etc.

If your kids are old enough I believe they can't be forced to spend time with him. If they were previously friends with OWs children, might it be possible for you to enable them to continue that friendship?

Have you been in touch with ow's husband OP?

Yes I have been in touch with OW Husband, all of a sudden we are starting to piece together where these two have been and when, it’s a very sad harsh hit of deceit actually.

He’s in absolute bits and it’s very clear that his Children are top priority. His Wife (1 week on) has asked when he plans to start divorce proceedings…. I’ve never known two people in such a rush. It’s rather comical.

If it were not so awful, it might be funny!
But then I have a dark gallows sense of humour .

The ‘Gruesome Twosome’ do seem to be in a belting hurry.
Is there somewhere they need to be?
A race to win?

A glitch in their plan… OW’s DH may decide to hit pause on the divorce process. I wonder aloud if OW might rely for some reason on being divorced or single/free to marry sooner rather than later? Is she due to inherit? Wants a settlement with her DH? Expecting something?

Again, I have a strong hunch that they’ve been at it for a while & something has changed, so they have decided to break cover.

Otherwise your DH & OW seems to be tearing up their family lives as fast as they can.

Time will tell.

The first encounter was 1st Feb, which is 100% true as that’s the first time they first properly met at an event (She is my BF & her husband is one of my DP Best friends, unfortunately the both of us couldn’t make that particular event due too illness!!! So we both had the children) , they had a drunken kiss, then started texting and texting apparently both talking about how unhappy they are with us both, then arranged to meet and now they’ve got a “connection” and are so much “alike” - I would say the only similarity is that they’re selfish twots.

None of the above I’ve checked with her Husband, we’ve talked about everything, he’s utterly destroyed and I feel so sorry for him that he’s having to actually divorce her. I didn’t quite get that far.

He doesn’t recognise her, and I don’t recognise my ex either, it’s like he’s had a personality transplant. He’s even smoking (which he’s never done before) it’s all very odd.

I think they’re in a rush to fuck it all up royally!

The rush to divorce...I'm so sorry op but I think you may need to prepare yourself that

A they've been together longer than you thought/they're admitting

B she's pregnant!

Financial reasons may be a possibility but it could be either / if her dh has ruled out finances for the rush I'm so sorry but pregnancy is looking more likely, that would time in with the rush now given we're 6 weeks on from then?

If she's your bf (was) and her dh your dhs best friend how come they didn't meet until feb?

That was the proper meeting for them for the first proper time.

He goes out doing Fishing etc with my partner whilst me and her and her children go on play dates. Only over the last 4 weeks we’ve really merged after deciding to book a holiday. That’s why this is all so odd.

I would like to hope she’s not pregnant but right now nothing would surprise me!!!

I’m just sat here waiting for him to bring the children back and I’ve never had anxiety but he’s made me feel so uneasy! Help how do I cope with that?????

My first thought after OP updates is the she is pregnant. And then that they have been seeing each other longer than they admit.

But OP, if she is (was) your bf, and her h is your stbxh bf, how did they only meet for the first time in Feb.?

@Mumbunmum

I’m just sat here waiting for him to bring the children back and I’ve never had anxiety but he’s made me feel so uneasy! Help how do I cope with that?????

I used to leave the door open and they let themselves in. I didn't even want to look at ex never mind speak to him.

You grey rock the fucker! You speak only about the children and give him nothing, absolutely NOTHING of yourself. This man is a stranger to you, he is not the man you have known for all those years. I know it’s so, so hard, but treat him with the contempt that he deserves. I’m so sorry OP, it must be totally shit. But the pair of them are just beneath your dignity xxx

Yes grey rock, don't engage beyond any necessary info about the DC. No more conversation than that, don't let him in, just get children and their stuff inside & then shut the door on him. Try to keep fully neutral look on your face and show as little emotion as you possibly can. You've got this 💜

I agree! Grey rock and turn it up to 11!!!

As far as dealing with anxiety about him bring the DC back, it's best to have a plan. So my plan would be this: when he gets there with the children, you open the door tell them to come in and wash up or put their things away (something to keep them moving away from the door), and then shut that door right in his face without a word and turn the lock. Job DONE!!!

Oh, and stand right in front of the doorway with your arm on the frame so he can't just walk in. He doesn't belong there anymore.

Drop off was fine. Door opened, kids ran in, he passed me bags “You alright” I replied with “Good thanks, see you Sunday when you pick them up” and he replied with “Oh oh okay Bye” and that was it. The door shut.

It’s very difficult not to go into a conversation with somebody that you’ve relied and lived for for 12 years, but I really have turned a corner and I just do not recognise him, he has zero emotions, no compassion, and it appears no guilt or remorse atall. I do actually feel embarrassed for him.

Sunday will be the next time I’ll have to have anything to do with him now, and I do feel fine about that!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Well done very well done so proud of you.

Well done op

Wish I'd had mn in the day

You're doing so well

Drop offs and pickups do get easier