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Original poster

I’ve been cheated on, but it’s so much worse.

297 replies

Mumbunmum · 10/03/2022 06:06

I’ve just found out that I’ve been cheated on by my Partner of 12 years.

We have 2 children together, a 7 year old Daughter and a 4 year old Son. We have a house together, everything together and we were due to get married in just under 11 weeks.

What’s worse is that it was with one of my best Friends and he’s been texting her, meeting her for over 6 weeks. Today is day 2 of all of this and I am crushed to pieces, I don’t know how I will ever cope. All I do know is that my heart hasn’t stopped thumping out of my chest for 2 days and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. Please please help me, I honestly don’t know where to even begin and I’m trying so hard to stay strong for our two children who are just number one in all of this.

I’m so lost, hurt and I’ve been betrayed so bad that I can’t even get my head around it.

OP posts:
cameocat · 10/03/2022 06:20

I did t want to read and run. I'm really sorry OP, that is a horrible situation to be in. I'd start thinking practically, focus on yourself and your plans. Have you confronted him yet? Have you got friends or family who can support?

ClemDanFango · 10/03/2022 06:39

This is awful I’m so sorry. Have you anyone you can get emotional support from in real life? I think you need to take a bit of time to process before you make any plans or decisions. Are you in contact with him at all? If you can I would get someone to act as go between in terms of the DC to allow you some space from him.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 10/03/2022 06:39

Repost in relationships you will get some fantastic advice there from women who have been through the same. Sympathies OP it sounds horrific. Flowers

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Campervangirl · 10/03/2022 06:45

Ahhh I'm so sorry, no wonder you're numb, it's a double betrayal.
My advice is don't marry him but in the mean time get some support, tell your family and another close friend, not to shame them, just so that you have people to talk to.
Is he still in the home?
It's early days, you need time to process the situation and make some decisions.
I've no better advice but I feel for you ❤️

Prettynails · 10/03/2022 06:47

Don’t marry him. You need to take stock and see a solicitor ensure the house is it your name. Do not marry him.

catchacloud · 10/03/2022 06:49

I agreed about moving to relationships, the ladies on their are amazing.

Does he know you know? Have you told anyone in real life?

Buildingthefuture · 10/03/2022 06:51

Christ op, I’m so, so sorry. I think your response it totally normal, it’s a response to a massive trauma and the adrenaline has kicked it.
Take big, deep breaths, look up circular breathing, that should slow your stress response down a bit.
Then, have a look at the facts. How did you find out (did he confess or was he caught?) exactly what has been happening (just messages and meetings or a lot more?) And what does she have to say about it? and him? Personally, I wouldn’t be telling a lot of people IRL yet, just one trusted friend to help get you through. Also look for counsellors in your area that specialise in infidelity. Make him pay for it of course but go, on your own, to get some support to get through this. You don’t have to make any big decisions now, you are in fight or flight mode. You just need to get through each minute. Good luck op, there are lots of people on here who’ve been through the same and I’m sure they will be on soon to give good advice xxx

ilovepizzah · 10/03/2022 06:53

Oh op this is awful, what have they both said about it ? I hope you're okay Thanks

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 10/03/2022 06:55

That's a double betrayal I'm so sorry op

spotcheck · 10/03/2022 06:59

How did you find out?

Definitely don't marry him, no matter what crap he comes out with as a reason:
" I was scared to get married"
" You were really busy with the wedding"
" You've been neglecting me since having the kids"

It was all be a pile of crap- don't fall for it

lunar1 · 10/03/2022 07:00

I'm so sorry. Do they know you know?

ivykaty44 · 10/03/2022 07:02

Book your self a gp appointment this morning and see if there is something they can give you to tied you over and any help they can give you

This wretched feeling will slowly dissapear, but other emotions will be there, anger

Try to eat a little, soup or toast are easy to digest

If you’re unable to sleep di try and rest through the day

Concentrate on the children for now

Hopefully he has left the house?
Have you got real life people to come and be with you? Take all the support you can, don’t be shy ask for help

dworky · 10/03/2022 07:16

I'm sorry OP, you must be devastated and in absolute shock.
Not at the moment but when you've had time to come to terms with it you'll be relieved you discovered the man he is, rather than who he presented as, before you married him.
Grieve the loss of the relationship as you knew it and move on with life. You and your children deserve better than this prick.

Moodycow78 · 10/03/2022 07:27

I'm so sorry, what an awful betrayed and not the first time I've heard similar unfortunately, what is it with these fuckwits. You need to get your practical head on and keep busy. Do you have joint finances, who's name is the house in, take copies of everything, start planning for you and the kids xx

notthatonethisone · 10/03/2022 07:37

So sorry. Didn't want to read and run.

Of course you're feeling like this. It's a double betrayal.

Fuckers. Can you speak to anyone in real life?

Thanks
springtimeishereagain · 10/03/2022 07:58

Oh, you poor love. A best friend as well? The bitch.

Have you confronted him? Have you told anyone irl? I would. Start getting support.

I'd also check your financial position. Are you planning on leaving him?

That's a terrible betrayal. Be kind to yourself.

💐

Hollywolly1 · 10/03/2022 08:10

Gosh,one of your best friends has very low self esteem if that's the best she can do for herselfGrinlike wtf is wrong with these women--do they realise most of his earnings will go to your children and there will be little left if she continues a relationship and has children with him.
It will be difficult to see it now but you dodged a bullet but you and your children will be absolutely grand and you may even find a bit of relief in your emotional state.
As for your partner he's just a plain old cheat and very unlikely to change,also as time goes on you will think back over the past few years you may start remembering things that didn't sit right with you meaning its very likely this isn't his first rodeo.I think you may be surprised at how quickly you can recover from this shock,hold your head high you did nothing wrong,he did this to his own family not you,don't even waste energy on the other woman as she will not rest easy and always be watching him knowing what he's capable of,in fact she's more to be pitied than anything.Flowersfor you &BearFootballfor little children

Original poster
Mumbunmum · 10/03/2022 10:58

I cannot believe the response. How amazing are you all 😭

Thank you but on Monday he told me he didn’t love me the same, we have no similar interests and he’s struggling…. I said I will take the children and go because I won’t stay if he doesn’t want me. I felt a sudden pang in my gut that there was someone else. My gut was on overdrive but I said is there someone else he told me not to be so paranoid and ridiculous… I left. That was my automatic reaction, my Mum is my best friend. Monday night I received all I needed to know from someone, I drove my car at 3.30am to the house, he was in bed, hanging out of the window wouldn’t let me in. I told him that I needed some medication for the kids I had forgotten and then I would go. As he opened the door I followed him upstairs, I told him to start talking. He didn’t, said I was overthinking things and he’s told me why he doesn’t want to be with me.

It went on 15 minutes of denial, I eventually told him I know everything. He started blubbering like a baby. I already knew who it was with as I just had a feeling that in our friend group chat he was constantly referencing her.

He has moved to his Mums. I told him that tomorrow I will be moving back into the house with the children and that will be for however long we need to resolve this.

I’m trying to be level headed but equally he’s told me they do really like eachother. I’ve told him that our children will not be part of his whirlwind and that I categorically will not have her playing any part in their lives.

He said that they have a connection and there is a possibility that they will try and make a go of it. That really hurt. The worst.

I have paranoia worrying that he will rush me to sell our house and this morning we’ve spoken and he promises that he will not leave me in the lurch. I do actually believe him there. He said the account will stay joint and we will work through each step.

I’m broken, but I’m smiling for my kids. I’ve no intention of marrying him that’s done, I feel lost in a nightmare.

OP posts:
Lunificent · 10/03/2022 11:03

You need to see a solicitor because typically cheats seem generous when they’re first found out but quickly turn very mean.

Snog · 10/03/2022 11:03

OP you're right it's definitely so much worse when it's your best friend that has betrayed you. They have both showed you who they are. You will come through this and be better off with neither of them in your life. It's a body blow and no mistake Thanks

OhMygodddd · 10/03/2022 11:10

Stay or go, but don’t cut your nose to spite your face, you’ve been screwed over, so if still marrying him works in your financial favour do that and divorce him down the line, play the long game. Have money and security before jumping off the deepend. If you have family and friends with local support then I suppose you don’t need to do that though, what will work best for you?

longwayoff · 10/03/2022 11:12

I'm sorry this has happened to you, it must be terrible to have every part of your life undermined. You will recover but for now try to focus on yourself and children. Get legal advice. Do not allow yourself to believe the snivelling apologies that will be along soon. Ensure he can't empty your joint account which you should change. Don't take him back. Don't even consider marrying him. He's got a connection? Ha! Let him connect away till it hurts. He'll find out. You will be OK.

sadpapercourtesan · 10/03/2022 11:15

I'm so sorry, what a pair of poisonous snakes they are. They deserve each other.

I just want to second the warning given by a pp - don't be lulled into a false sense of security by him being magnanimous over money/property now. He won't stay that way, they never do. Get legal advice quickly and start shoring up your financial position before he turns nasty.

Readytopop2022x · 10/03/2022 11:20

So sorry OP. Agree with PP, see a solicitor for some guidance! Best wishes xxx

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 10/03/2022 11:21

Yes I agree with PP. Get it all sorted while he is feeling guilty and OW hasn't got down his earole.

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