To older mumsnetters what lessons have you learned in life ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

I’m
Thinking do you wish you worked harder ?
Less hard ?
Worried less ? Worried more ?
What where your wrong moves and right moves ?
What do you wish you knew when you were younger ?

Be nice.

Take no shit from people who wouldn't give a fuck about you if you needed them.

Balance the needs of all members of your family unit and don't be a martyr.

Far fewer things actually matter than you believe do.

Don't get into debt.
Don't settle when it comes to relationships.

Think very, VERY carefully about who you choose as your life partner. Will he be a good dad? Are his genes good enough to be passed on?
Get the best education you can. You don't want to be stuck in some dead end, low paying job with no way out.

What will be will be. No amount of forward planning prepares you for how your life pans out.
I didn’t expect to lose both my parents when I was in my thirties ( they had us when they were early twenties so should have had another 30 years of life).
I didn’t expect to have fertility problems. But I’m glad I did because I would never have had my wonderful son at forty.
Marry for love, money will never sustain a marriage.
Expect the unexpected.
Enjoy the here and now. You don’t want to look back on a life of “we should have dones…”
Emerge yourself in the moment rather than observing it through a phone screen while videoing it.

We’re all travelling the same path essentially.

Nothing matters as much as you think it does.

Love yourself… never used to understand that but now truly do.
Never become financially entangled with another adult.

• Immerse yourself

Don't be afraid to say no
Trust your gut
No amount of stuff makes you happy
Start planning for your pension as soon as you possibly can

Say little and watch.

In life you have a finite number of fucks to give. As you get older, you run out. Running out of fucks to give is very liberating.

^ I agree with Nailest. Also helping people whether as a job or just improving the lives of those around you is the most important thing for contentment.

Look after you mind and body but don't focus too much on yourself. Look outwards .

Make decisions that increase your happiness. Be your future friend.

I’m 52 if that counts as older. Well, older than I once was.

There’s just one thing that I’ve always regretted. I said something about my best friend to a mutual friend in school, the mutual friend repeated it back to my bestie, my bestie stopped speaking to me. I felt too ashamed to knock on her door and apologise and ask her to forgive me. We didn’t speak for 5 years. She was my best, most fun friend. I regret that I didn’t approach her to apologise. I learned a lesson about bad mouthing friends in that, though.

What I’ve learned? I lost both my parents quite young (50 and 63). I appreciate every day that I and my loved ones are in good health and have money for food. I don’t give a damn about wrinkles etc. or getting older, I feel fortunate to have made it this far in good health. I am grateful every day for it.

Right or wrong moves? I guess experience makes you into who you are. Storms have blown through my life as they do for everyone, but new bark slowly grew around the storm damaged branches.

I also agree with stop chasing material stuff. The sooner you do the easier life gets.

Definitely not be nice 😊

Be true to yourself. Believe in yourself.
Make a decision and move on, don't dwell and overthink.

Respect yourself, maintain clear boundaries and call out any shit the very first time.

Your partner is your partner. You're equal. You will have different roles in your relationship but they are equally important. There will be ups and downs but if you work together you'll work it out.

Don’t over-emphasise education.
Be outward-looking.
Maintain friendships.

You can’t put a old head on young shoulders

Yes to the pension. Start filling that pot as soon as you can.
You don't have to be right about everything.
Educate yourself.

Oh, and definitely always keep your own emergency funds, and ideally don't sacrifice your means of making money independently from a partner.

It all goes much, much faster than you expect & you’ll still feel exactly the same in your head so wonder why you’re considered old.
Time with your children is far more precious than earning extra to afford that second car or fancy holiday. You have a baby, blink & they’re leaving home.
There’ll come a time when you regret not asking your parents/ grandparents about their lives before you knew them so talk to them while you still have chance.

Wind back 40 years confidence and understanding I was young, beautiful and very much not fat.

That everything, with patience, would work out OK.

Resilience.

Love overcomes everything - didn't have it as a child.

Self esteem.

It's OK to talk to yourself. Often you are the only one who listens.

Play hard, work hard, rest hard.
Save some, spend some.

Get a well paying job, manage your money, get a pension, don’t rely on anyone else financially

Marriage is a partnership - pick accordingly

Work at being happy

Once I realised life is not fair, everything has become so much easier, and I don’t sweat any stuff now.