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Original poster

To older mumsnetters what lessons have you learned in life ?

173 replies

LovelyYellowLabrador · 09/03/2022 21:26

I’m
Thinking do you wish you worked harder ?
Less hard ?
Worried less ? Worried more ?
What where your wrong moves and right moves ?
What do you wish you knew when you were younger ?

OP posts:
Polyanthus2 · 10/03/2022 18:39

Ensure you keep your interests - don't let DH, the DCs, other family, running the home be the be all and end all.

You count too - make sure you have your own life too.

Ninananna · 10/03/2022 18:48

The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.

Fl0w3ry · 10/03/2022 18:53

@Ionlydomassiveones - I got into debt AND didn’t travel - they are 2 of my biggest regrets. Maybe I should have added my other pearl - work hard and get a decent job. You would have realised my advice was neither puritan or privileged like you perceived it to be then.

jytdtysrht · 10/03/2022 19:06

It's interesting that the first reply said "be nice"

I'd say the opposite. I was always nice to people when I was younger and people took advantage. I would actually say make sure you consider yourself in addition to considering others. And don't allow people to crap on you. Be assertive.

BrinksmansEntry · 10/03/2022 19:35

I'm in my 40s so maybe not old. But my advice:

If you want or need a thing done, do it yourself. Never wait for someone to notice and do it for you, never wait for someone to come along to help. If you can, do it yourself, if you can't then learn. This is anything from putting away washing, changing a plug, painting a wall to setting up a community group. Do the thing.

You don't need to be friends with everyone.

It doesn't matter what other people think of you, it's literally none of your business.

Having children can be shit at times. You don't have to cherish or enjoy every moment, that leads to guilt. Try and find something happy each day though.

littledrummergirl · 10/03/2022 19:48

Don't let others make you less than you are.
Be the best version of yourself.
Know when to hold your boundaries and protect them despite the best efforts of others to change you.
Money isn't the be all and end all. As long as you have enough to allow you to live in the way you choose then you have enough.
Do more of what you enjoy and less of what you don't.

NannyGythaOgg · 10/03/2022 19:48

Never listen to gossip - if they are gossiping about others to you, you can guarantee they will gossip about you to others.

Education is important but it is about much more than exams. In job and relationships the right fit is the important thing.

I refuse to have regrets but when I slip it is always about things I didn't do rather than mistakes I made.

Whilst I don't agree with 'Be Nice' I think it is important not to do things just to be deliberately mean.

Forgive, ... don't forget, don't give anyone the chance to continue to hurt you but actual forgiveness frees YOU. The other person neither knows nor cares, by nurturing non forgiveness you are punishing yourself not them. They may not deserve it, you do.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

antisocialsocialclub · 10/03/2022 20:02

Lots of things but the main things that stick out for me are:

Never sleep on an argument/never go to bed angry.

‘Nobody’s thinking about you’ (see pic)

and to just be true to yourself. This poem strikes a chord with me:

MASKS
She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by
and never knew.

(Don’t know who wrote this)

antisocialsocialclub · 10/03/2022 20:04

@antisocialsocialclub

Lots of things but the main things that stick out for me are:

Never sleep on an argument/never go to bed angry.

‘Nobody’s thinking about you’ (see pic)

and to just be true to yourself. This poem strikes a chord with me:

MASKS
She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by
and never knew.

(Don’t know who wrote this)

Pic ☺️
To older mumsnetters what lessons have you learned in life ?
ChardonnaysPetDragon · 10/03/2022 20:06

Don't be afraid to move on.

Janfebmar · 10/03/2022 20:15

Pick your battles. It's not worth getting upset about the small stuff.

Mojoj · 10/03/2022 20:18

Look after your body - exercise regularly and eat well. Take off your makeup every night. Pay into a pension. Choose your life partner very carefully. Don't pool your finances. And remember - no-one ever lay on their deathbed and thought "wish I'd stayed longer at the office...."😀

feellikeanalien · 10/03/2022 20:20

Don't stick your head in the sand. Deal with things straight away.It might be hard but it's a lot harder if you don't.

Don't be a doormat or a people pleaser. Other people will not do the same for you. There's nothing wrong with helping others but not to your own detriment.

Chose your life partner very carefully.

Invest in a decent coffee machine as soon as you can afford it.

whenwillthemadnessend · 10/03/2022 20:25

Don't borrow unless it's for a mortgage

Don't lend unless you are happy not to be repaid

Don't bitch unless you are 100% sure if the trust that person not to repeat.

Don't ever be smug about your child's grades school etc. You NEVER know what's coming.

Worry about kids never ends no matter the age

Parenting doesn't get easier it just changes.

Try to enjoy the little things ( particularly a good lesson now)

iamnotanalcoholic70 · 10/03/2022 20:49

In general treat others as you would want to be treated- unless they shit all over you !
Don't bother regretting anything, just reflect, learn and move on
Realise it's not important what others think of you, but what you think of them.

blacksax · 10/03/2022 20:59

I've learned not to answer questions on MN when it's 24 hours later and the OP still hasn't returned to the thread.

PiddleOfPuppies · 10/03/2022 21:12

Financial independence is vital. Do not underestimate the freedom that comes from having options.
Nobody is judging you - they are too busy worrying about themselves to pay that much attention to you.
You are the story you tell about yourself - be positive, be proud and focus on what you can do, not what you can't.
Stay curious. Change feels uncomfortable but it happens for a reason - nothing stays the same, everything is temporary.

ehb102 · 10/03/2022 21:24

The only thing you have to do in life is breathe. Everything else is a choice with consequences.

Also boundaries are just that, never let a crossed.boundary go. Good people will respect your boundary just because it is important to them. It's abusers who don't, they will knock over one and it's not an accident, it's a test.

peaceanddove · 10/03/2022 21:50

Marry someone who makes you laugh every day and always makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the room.

If you have to work at your marriage then you're probably married to the wrong person. Life can be hard so your marriage should be easy.

Educate yourself about women's health issues, especially once you're over 40. GPs are largely uninterested in enhancing the health and lives of middle aged women.

Say what you mean & mean what your say - people will respect you for it.

shinynewapple22 · 10/03/2022 21:51

We all have different personalities and different life experiences . Advice that works for one person may not work for you .

For me -

Prioritise time over money; experiences over 'things'

Don't bear grudges - 'let it go'.

Treat people as you would hope to be treated .

Look after your teeth and do some exercise every day (this is a case I'd do as I say not do as I do - but it's important )

Try not to worry over things that are outside of your power to change . And the other side of this is if the solution to a problem is in your reach then do something about it .

RaraRachael · 10/03/2022 22:05

Do what you want in life - don't let yourself be bossed around by others

Don't give a fuck about what other people think.

Don't put your work before your family.

Spend your money on nice experiences

All based on having my life ruined by my toxic mother who ruled my life even after I'd left home. She was far more interested in what other people would think and say than her own children's happiness. She died with thousands in the bank as having money in the bank was seen as the most important thing back in the day.

It still eats away at me years after she's gone and I'm so envious of people who had good relationships with nice mums.

Clawdy · 10/03/2022 22:12

Make the most of every moment with your children. If I could have one day back from the past now, I'd spend the whole day cuddling and playing with them. And telling them they were loved. But of course I can't.

nopuppiesallowed · 10/03/2022 22:43

Love your children with all your heart. They are unique and precious. Be firm with them when they are little - but always say "yes" unless you have to say "no". If you have to say no, then mean it. When they are older you will reap the benefits of this and have a wonderful relationship.
Love your parents. One day they won't be there.
Cherish your friends - your best friends might be closer in every way than your cousins.
Get a dog....Smile

Returnoftheowl · 10/03/2022 22:56

Look after your teeth!

boyblue · 10/03/2022 23:41

Realise that most things don't matter that much in the long run. Don't compare yourself. Focus on being happy not on money.

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